Song Recommendation: Scared by Jeremy Zucker (Live in New york) – Try to listen from the middle to the last part of the chapter ;)
Emy couldn't think of any word to say upon hearing the manager's words that came to her like a confession, she couldn't believe that someone like Saff would put such an effort to be able to do those things. Realizing how drunken dead she was every night back then that she hadn't noticed the same person in disguise all along, and she thought that maybe that is why no man had ever bothered to make advantage on her every time she was alone there.
Although she has Harry and Ada to assist her, it's not like they are on look out for her all the time as Harry was also working on a shift as he managed the bar, while Ada usually came from work that makes her late most of the time and looking into a clearer side of the story right now, Emy came to realized what Saff had done for her that could have put her life in danger if not for his great effort.
Noticing Emy's silence and as if sensing her internal turmoil about all the information that she has been receiving right now, Manager Anne continue to speak "He wanted to get to know you more so he kindly asked me to do some research about you…" she carefully said the truth.
"That's why you befriended Ada…you are his connection that he keeps on talking about" Emy stated, her voice low and calmer now as if slowly connecting the pieces of the puzzle in her mind.
"I'm sorry if I invaded your privacy and involved your best friend in this…but believe me, it's all pure good intention. That time when Saff came to ask for my help, I just couldn't ignore him…you see, Emy, that young man is very different from the other Idols. Saff is more like the quiet and simple one out of them, he is a smart and talented artist but he is also the type who doesn't usually ask for help of others, and he just keeps his thoughts on himself, he just goes with the plan, like a robot…that sometimes it makes me worry" Manager Anne said as she frowned thinking of Saff.
They fell silent for a moment when the waiter arrived and served their ordered food and drinks, both Emy and the manager are looking on what is being served on their table but their thoughts seems to be penetrating into the food as their mind focuses more on absorbing what is being laid down in front of them with their conversation. Once the waiter is done, he bowed and left for the two women to eat.
Manager Anne raises her hands to hold the cup of hot coffee in front of her to bring near her lips and gently sips on it before her lips curved into a smile, she looked at Emy before saying "Ever since Saff met you, he seemed to be more alive…trust me, I've been handling him for as long as I can remember and I haven't seen this side of him, it's the first time and it's because of you, Emy…"
Emy's eyebrows rose as her eyes gently blinked twice, she remained stiff and tensed on the same seating position for the past several minutes trying to absorb all the information that seems to be pouring on her all at once, not to mention her mixed emotions right now that one side of her wanted to cry feeling touched and fluttered, while the other side of her worries about a lot of things, and one of these is her decision that will determine their relationship status.
Manager Anne then continue to speak "Saff always saw you crying whenever you get drunk in that bar…and you don't know how sad his eyes were when he said that to me. He usually doesn't bother to concern himself about a lot of things or onto other people's issues because for Saff it's like as long as he does well and exceeded at what he was expected to do, that's it for him. But right now, I can tell that it doesn't work like that when it comes to you, Emy…He wanted to be there for you" her voice gentle as she stared solemnly like her words toward Emy.
"What if he just felt sorry for me?" Emy asked, her voice holds melancholy tone as she was afraid and worried about it.
Emy haven't thought about it back then not until now, and it suddenly made her anxious on the question 'What if?', what if the young man just took pity on her situation when he saw her cried for quite several times, and at some point it terrifies Emy as she knew everything will change, and she doesn't want anything to change. After all of what she had discovered right now, after all her questions that has finally been answered, after what he made her feel, Emy doesn't want to just end it like that, and she hope that it will not go down to an end just like that.
Emy is now torn between wanting to keep their mutual feelings and see where it could take them, but also consider suppressing her feelings as much as possible, thinking it was the most righteous way that would be accepted by social norm to deal with their situation.
"It's not just out of pity, my dear…I see more than that. Besides, Saff was never like that to get easily attached at the first place, c'mon Emy! Don't tell me you haven't felt the difference?" Manager Anne stated that cut Emy from her deep thoughts.
"He likes you…a lot, can't you feel it?" Manager Anne continued as she put down the cup of coffee on the table and look back on Emy with a serious face, scanning her eyes for an answer.
"I know…I have always known" Emy answered confirming it with a gentle voice, then she continue "Saff, never fail to make me feel cared and protected…" her voice held confidence as if coming into a realization that made Manager Anne's lips curve into a smile.
Saff has always been open with his feelings towards Emy that he doesn't try to hide or deny it with the people he trusts to which in fact he even wanted everyone to know if not just because of considering Emy's feelings and her situation, and although Emy is trying hard to avoid Saff's confession in which she keeps pretending on ignoring him, but Emy is not naïve to not feel Saff's affection because it always flutter her heart.
Perhaps, that is the reason why she also started to develop a deep affection for the young man that it torn her heart onto whether choosing to just be professional that will be more appropriate and acceptable in societal norm or to choose her heart that would be favorable for the both of them.
"When you are in doubt and having a hard time deciding, always think for today or simply what you think is best right at this moment, and just forget about tomorrow" Manager Anne solemnly stated with a sweet smile on her lips as if sensing Emy's internal turmoil.
"What if I messed up and ruin his career?" Emy asked her brows are pulled up together with eyelids tensed up that made it looked obvious how worried she is.
"What if you won't?" Manager Anne questioned her question.
"So…are you saying that I'm allowed to choose him?" Emy asked scanning the manager's eyes for affirmation.
"If it will bring out the best in him, then I'm with you and so as Taylor with Saff…all you just need is a little leap of faith for the young man" Manager Anne stated with a gentle voice and a sweet smile.
"Thank you for this, Manager Anne…I hope I didn't took too much of your time" Emy said with a warm smile as she appreciated the manager's help and kind advice with her complicated situation.
"Anytime, dear…Promise me you'll think about it" Manager Anne said her voice full of concern.
"I will…" Emy answered as she smiled but uncertainty still showed in her eyes.
After finishing their ordered meal, the two Managers parted their ways. Emy ride a bus to visit the park where she usually stays whenever she wanted to be alone and think about something thoroughly.
Under the big wide tree, Emy is seating on the usual bench in a broad lawn, one leg over the other while her arms crossed in front of her chest with her bag placed on the side, looking from afar as she was still in her deep thoughts trying to absorb all the information revealed by Manager Anne.
Although she got all the answers that she had long wanted, and this was supposed to make her feel relieved as finally everything became clear, still at some point, Emy is far from feeling at ease.
The situation wasn't supposed to be this way because it should not be this difficult to decide, she knew that their status in life is far different from the typical, and that everything about him should not occupy her mind at the first place, so why does she feel uncertain of herself?
Emy's heart has been wavering between yes or no, wanting to go forward and hesitating as well. Wanting to be the mature one to choose what is appropriate for the situation, and act what a grown up woman should do, but then whenever she chooses that path, fear engulfed her.
The fear when no one knows what comes next, to not be able to be with him, or to see him with another woman, can her soul survive it? Can she be able to say that 'She doesn't want to be with him' and turn her back on him? Can she be able to handle another heart break?
Just the thought of it makes her scared.