"…..I'm ready for my smack."
"Didn't you have to erase my memories anyway to keep your family's secrets safe?"
Swanhaden was too honest for his own good.
"…..Yulinelle said that I could leave some of the good memories behind."
If the duke had given him permission, that meant that the blame for my wiped memories were solely on Swan. He had erased all of my good memories of him from within my memories. I couldn't help but feel a wash of betrayal. I was finally able to understand what he meant earlier, too.
I felt drained, so I just let go of his shirt collar. Swanhaden almost fell backwards when I let go and just let himself fall backwards. Swanhaden stared at the sky in shock as he checked on my mood with furtive glances.
"Come over here. You deserve some smacks."
When I glared at him, Swanhaden looked glum as he turned his head to show his cheek. He had to show his cheek. Was he asking me to slap him?
"It's not like you feel pain even if I hit you."
"That's twuue."
Instead of slapping him, I just pinched Swan's cheeks and stretched them sideways. Swan's pronunciation grew unclear because of it.
"To be honest, Yulinelle said that I needed to erase everything."
"Too late. You're too uselessly honest."
"...They said that you needed to be honest if you wanted to have a deep relationship with someone."
"..."
He wasn't wrong, so I just stood there. Where did he pick up that fact? Was it from a book?
Swanhaden stared at the four-leaf clover that he had been holding this whole time and then placed it on his stomach. Swan looked incredibly stiff. It wasn't very visible, but I had known him for a long time so it was easy to see the tiny little changes in his state now.
"I just wanted you to keep the good memories. I could remember how you went pale with fear that one time. You tried to pretend that it didn't faze you, but you threw up multiple times behind my back."
"…..Kids will grow up rotten if they're only exposed to good things."
I couldn't even grow angry at him even if I wanted to. I wanted to claim that it was the same on my end too. I didn't have any kind of immunity when it came to cruelty, so I had felt the urge to throw up multiple times at Swanhaden's bloodied, injured form as I had treated his injuries. Then I had thrown up into a bag that I brought with me when he was turned around or sleeping. His injuries were just that severe.
Swanhaden stretched his hand towards my sleeve.
"I'd be fine with you being rotten, though. I want to take away anything that's bad to you."
He was quite adamant about this, so I felt like I was being tested. I almost wanted to forgive him for messing up my memories like he had done. Even if it had been the wrong choice, Swan had tried to be as empathetic as he possibly could. But he was still wrong, so I tried to stay steadfast.
No matter how bloodsoaked those memories were, they were all precious memories to me. I couldn't forgive Swan for taking them all away without my permission like that.
"What do you mean, bad for me? Don't judge it on your own. I'm the one that should judge if it's bad or not to me, and if I needed to, I would erase those memories myself. Don't you know how precious those memories were for me?"
Swanhaden looked shocked. His eyes grew wide as he took in my angry tirade.
"They were precious?"
"No."
"How precious?"
"I don't know."
"You're not lying, are you?"
"You saw it with your own two eyes. The memories I had of you were floating quite high up there."
He raised his hand and tried to drag down his lips as they curled upwards.
"....is that so."
Precious. He muttered quietly to himself. He touched the corners of his lips before covering his face with both hands.
His face was bright red from earlier. His ears were red and his hands were red. I wondered if Swanhaden was really sick, but I could see his pouting lips from behind his hands, so maybe not.
Maybe he was just really sick?
"I won't assume things and act on my own from now on."
Swanhaden's face was as red as a tomato as he spoke. I couldn't see his expression because it was hidden behind his hands. It was just unbelievably red. Not just his ears like earlier, but every single exposed part of his body was bright red.
When it seemed like Swanhaden was repentant enough of his actions, I poured out all of the worries and questions I had at once.
"So, you're all okay now, right? You're at the academy after all. You're not going to get dragged back to your estate or something now?"
"..."
"You said that you're done with the pilgrimage, right, did you go alone? The duke knows that you're attending the academy, right? If you're coming in secret, do you want me to hide you? Your magic isn't overflowing anymore, right?"
"..."
"...You're not hurt or something, right? Why are you shaking like that?"
Swan had one hand over his heart and another in front of his face. He had been quietly listening to my questions before suddenly shifting to his current position. He wasn't even breathing right now. His mouth was clamped shut, and his face was bright red. He really looked sick somewhere.
"You're good at killing me in so many different ways."
This is payback. He mumbled miserably to himself.
It took a while for him to calm down. When I tried to give him a few pats, he stretched his hand and told me not to.
I finally understood his actions until now. I felt much closer to him. After our long talk and Swan's explanation, I felt like the distance between us had completely disappeared.
It felt like meeting an old friend again. I had been a bit embarrassed to see him again because of that weird dream I had, but I felt comfortable and familiar seeing him after I regained my memories. I remembered singing Swan to sleep when he felt anxious back when we were little, so I couldn't help but smile whenever I saw Swan. I felt like he had grown up well.
I asked him for a round of chess. Swan accepted my challenge, and I smiled happily, feeling like we were back in the past.
Swanhaden looked at my content smile before moving his pawn to attack. Then, he began to speak as he moved his horse.
"Shushu, I have a question."
"Say it."
"I want to prevent my healing from kicking in where you bit my lips. How do I stop it?"
I was about to answer the question in full seriousness before I stiffened.
Side Story 6. The Little Brother Who Was Left
Regardless of good or bad, time passed. It had been ten years since Han Ye-an, the pillar of our family, had passed away.
Yehwan and Semi were decently grown now, and I was in a pretty stable position in my office. Time and hard work shifted our unstable lives into one of stability, and our family became comfortable, just like Han Ye-an had wanted.
The program that I had developed had gotten a high download number, and I had been paid handsomely for it. Moreover, with Semi and Yehwan's part-time jobs, we were able to save up and pay off all of our debts.
We had finished paying off our debts and had a pretty thick savings account now.
It seemed like this new project was going to be a success, too, so unless there was a massive earthquake that destroyed our home, we didn't need to worry about money.
All of the kiddos had left our home and were living by themselves, so our home was pretty empty. The silence felt deafening, so I turned on some mellow music to fill the air.
"I should visit Ye-an nuna today."
The melodious voice of a female singer filled the air, and I couldn't help but remember Ye-an nuna as I traced my worn out wallet.
The cinerarium where Ye-an's remains rested was quite close to our home. It was a weekend and there wasn't much work for me to do, so I always thought of Han Ye-an whenever I was home alone and bored like this.
Our eldest nuna, Han Ye-an.
We had first met when the two of us were in kindergarten. I was holding baby Semi in my arms and I just stood there, awkward, holding my mom's hand. My mother had introduced two other children to us, stating that they were our new family. I was also told that our last name had changed to Han. I was in a state of shock for quite a long time.
'I don't want a younger sibling other than Yehwan.'
A little girl who had neat clothes and a ribbon in her hair complained, innocently blinking her eyes. When she complained as soon as we met, I decided to yell back and complain that I didn't want new family members either.
Han Ye-an and I were enemies ever since we were kids. It looked like her father had been quite rich–she behaved like she grew up well unlike me, and I hated that. Unlike how rich and snobby Han Ye-an had looked, she was easy to rile up. When I shoved her, she yanked at my hair, and when I pushed her into a wall, she threw me onto the floor. We grew up fighting each other ever since we were young.
Han Ye-an had a kind of wall around herself. She built a wall around others and separated her life from theirs, then opened the wall to take care of family and those she found precious in her life. The two of us didn't think of each other as family even until the middle years of elementary school, so we were always fighting and shoving and treating each other like strangers. But when tragedy struck, everyone ended up banding together. When our family was on the brink of bankruptcy, Han Ye-an stretched her arm out and asked for peace.
'Let's stop fighting. Life is already hard right now, and it feels meaningless to keep fighting like this.'
Han Ye-an tried to become more mature to fit the circumstances of her life. She grew up too quickly. When her parents seemed to struggle, she immediately embraced Semi and my unwilling self. She looked around for things she could do to help and tried to bear responsibility. Even though she didn't need to.
I couldn't stand her. I shoved Ye-an and her hand away and had another big fight with her. Our parents were busy earning money, and I had always gone out of my way to fight people. The places I could gain affection from were limited.