Yes, a infant me unknown about my existence and I genuinely had the desire to perceive the procedure I was brought to this world. I had the want to know the reaction of everyone visiting me and I definitely wanted to differentiate their actions then and now. Their twinge or my twinge? I don't remember my half childhood therefore, I believe memories of childhoods are the best rather than remembering the teen/adulthoods agony. Channels I've passed to reach my present are extensive and I often concentrate and try going back to my past days.
Growing up would be the worst penalization ever. I understand that's physically normal but emotionally a suction of my cheers. Maturity often is envying my childish activity which prefers it to go through the malady of self consciousness. Inwardly, my impulses notify me about the despairs and the wisdom of integrity and right alleys but obscure the stimulation drags me to the despondency even after the million reiterates. I am pro-founded with a great amount of creativity and diverse talents which is the only path to point or induce during the pessimism.
I frequently compelled myself to behave like adults, act like them and adopt their vices in my early age and today, reversing those memories I sense a tremendous regret and a sharp point out to my impatient heart. Today, the same girl strongly wishes to push her feet backwards to the days of smile and not tears. The day of sun and not moon. The day of opening up not reserved. The day of tears because of food not avoiding food because of tears.
My dense responsibilities rose with my age and My dense imagination flew with my age. My age's number feels like the oceans wave reiterating every-time in a sudden speed. Feels like it was just yesterday I graduated my Montessori and was excited to be a first grader but look at the wave its the ninth time it flowed and I'm in ninth grade now.
Growing up was great?
Growing up is a great way of notifying yourself of the cheerful days as you did not value it so much when you were a child yourself. Growing up increases the capability of you to understand the place you live in. That makes you understand the procedure of regular activities. As a explorer, growing up was one of the hardest, adventurous and fun journey ever. I realized that it was like experiencing different lifestyles.Gradually, I initiated understanding the purpose of my life and the reason I'm existing this time. I initiated understanding my faults, mistakes and starting realizing all of them. Growing up was just a tiny transformation but had millions of effects. Its stuff to adopt the new life but can be considered as a beautiful part of life.
Scientifically, growing is normal and somehow people growing makes the world sway its stick of the boat to your desired destination. That rises the maturity among people for harmony as well as makes you engaged to the profession of your talent.Science is often boring, but it encompasses the entire surroundings we exist in. Excluding science, I personally drag myself into the negatives of growing up and slapped to compulsorily turn behind and not forward.
transformations
I could not express myself so much, I couldn't cry over minor or major things, all the pains were sucked by heart and my dear wet heart chose to dry it through eyes which often drops out tears personally. I couldn't say anything my brain wants to, my lurching pushes my mom's scolding as a unpleasant argument. I don't really express myself through vocal its just my pen and paper acting as my tongue that no one will hear.
I often used to roll my mom's shawl over me as a wedding attire and today I feel like those moments are soon arriving. Not only this, I repeatedly imagined myself as an adult or a teenager and I am gradually experiencing everything I imagined and it feels so good going through something you've somehow planned in a immature age.
I am understanding how life is and why am I here. I am understanding how my dolls were formed and why my puppy puppet was there. Not only physical things, I am noticing a tremendous transformation in my emotions and understanding why it occurs. I understand why I cry even though I did it repeatedly in my childhood for no reason, I still cry for no reason , there is a reason but my eyes exaggerates the condition and cries.
I experience the transmission of my body structure size height and everything. I was compelled to add a new routine per month as a dangerous nightmare which includes the provoking of emotions and physical pain.
My first period
It was tihar, one of the main festivals of nepalese hindu. we had five days to celebrate this occasion and the nightmare was revealed at the fourth day just before my favorite day the fifth one, bhai tika.
I was presented at my village living my best moments of life, enjoying every bit. I even went for the high king in the early morning and realized something dropping off the organ without my control. I was aware about menstruation but did not know the actual feeling. I was just chilled out and naming my stomachache as the reason for overeating selroti. And a great thing was I departed to washroom more than 2 times and did not realize the color of my wear as it was dark inside the washroom as well as I was wearing a woolen pant. I sensed something uncomfortable and felt itchy and wet. I closed the door of the room and exited to change my wear. Still not realizing it was my periods, I estimated that as an red paint which is popular at my village for painting and stiffing the mud house. also exaggerated that as the fault of my sisters mistakenly forgot to wash my underwear and it was still dirty and I was wearing. But never-mind thanked god I got the idea of mensuration and planned to call my mother who was in home as my village was not so much at a distance. I was a little scared to share that to my sisters but I had to and unfortunate me they told that to their mother who was really superstitious and believed in lots of things like that, she asked me to stay inside as long as my mom wouldn't arrive I personally called I told her about the specked brownish liquid in my wear. She was too excited, I could sense her voice. We all know about the tradition and one of them was face should be hidden from brothers and father. Actually that was fun, one of my sisters distracted my brothers so that I could easily pass through the passage. My father seemed supportive and was there with me conflicting my grandmother who was penetrating him to not visualize me but he got stubborn to hold my hands and support me in this stage. It was a great blessing and my exaggerated emotions were about to drop out tears but everything was fine. Grandmother decided to lock me in one of the rooms to not get the sunlight nevertheless my concerned parents dropped me in my (mother's mom)grandmother's home where superstition was lesser in practice.
Luckily I passed through minor transformation like mood swings and change in structure and not the physical ache which was experienced my so many women in this world. I used to believe that periods would be a great deal but it was not , everything felt usual and I could do my regular activities with a usual convenience. Hygiene was something to notify but its okay and it was a really cheerful experience.