At that moment she realized that she cannot continue like this forever.
She shouldn't always listen and do as other says.
she thought ' is this going to be easy? No. I couldn't go on like this. I have to change, but I m scared. No, No, shena you cannot go back as you lived before.'
She cried continously for whole night having dreary thoughts continously running ' is there any value of my life? There is no one who loves me! Even if i die will anybody care for me or cry for me? I feel so alone....No, sneha you cannot die like this."One came alone in this world and die alone in this world."
I lived na uptill even without anybody helps at least pratik may cares about me I think he will be sad.
please somebody help me! No one going to come to help me... No one coming...I am not even beautiful so anybody will like me or come to love me...'
She cried until no tears left memories of childhood came to her mind doing housework and studying there's no memories playing with friends. Her maternal and paternal relatives always disgusted at her she was only child who was dark-skinned in there family . Her cousins picked on her and given her horrible nicknames " fatty don't eat so much no one will marry you? Blackie have you seen your face in mirror know your place!"
Even her mother seen this but never said anything it formed so many scars in her heart she became shy sacred and introvert. Even anything happened to her she never spoke anything inside her heart to anybody suppressing inside so much causing her to cautious and unable trust anybody even her parent's. She loved her brother but could bring herself to share her inner feelings and thoughts.
Her paternal grandparents prirtoized boys so they loved pratik but never spared a single glance at her.
Her uncle her father sbiling also had two children. The older girl named pallavi and smaller boy named Rahul. Pallavi was very faired skin and beautiful and has lovely charm which sneha never could have due to repeatable unacceptance, criticism and always her family reminded her she is girl who is ugly and she had listen to others so she wouldn't get abandoned. She never received any love from family causing alienation in her heart but even though she tried everything as her family said to please them thinking they would accept her.
Every rejection caused new scare into her heart.
Grandmother always said to sneha" She should to everything's as to please her husband its a wife duty and she believed it.
But as she grown seeing her parents fighting and her father beating her mother she always question why i m a girl ? do I have to be like my mom?
The emotional and mental abuse causing her question her own existence.
she thought ' why I even born in this world?
Even while commuting from village to town for school there were people who try to take advantage of her seeing her alone. This happens several times but she never gets courage to shout for help or even to tell her parents. Once she told her mother about this but she doesn't said anything. From her parents point of view it's always a girls fault if she gets involved in any harassment. because she is the one who instigated it. Never they questioned the man or boys morality or charecter. She knew this.
Thinking all night she knew if she has to make some decisions and choices."it's like now or newer. Do or die." "I will start from changing myself "she thought.
Her eyes began to drop she falled asleep in her room.