*groans of suffering intensifies*
"Oh spare me your idiocy and voice woman. You just went through a bloody tickle fight if anything. Fun fact, the worst fights where I've gotten the most hurt were with women. And it's not some cheesy love bullshit, they genuinely tried to fucking kill me in my line of work." I finished putting my glasses back together since there wasn't all that much that I could do about anything she does anyways.
She's a pain in my derriere, that much is certain. She stood up, looking at me with even more disgust as her eyes were singing a different song entirely. "So, shall we finally get to whatever the hell I'm going to be working with? Or will you waste even more of both our times just for more drivel? Go on, speak." I continued on as she humphed again as all of the "tickles" that I "gave" her were immediately just gone.
"You're no fun you know that?" her words couldn't be more simultaneously right and wrong at the same time. "No shit I wouldn't be having fun lass, I'm being asked to go and fight a fucking war for world domination. And the cost for that? For you to have this war? An old man's soul." I rolled my eyes again as I looked at the card she gave me. "So, what are my safety nets here?" the card was more or less some sleek metal as it actually felt cold in my hands.
Interesting to try and make sense of, if I wasn't being held at soul-level gunpoint.
"You'll be given two things, or abilities in a sense, mortal." she replied as quickly as possible as a fucking desk was made out of thin air from her waving her hand. "Alright, that doesn't sound that shit just yet. What else?" I was then silenced as I couldn't hear anything coming out of my mouth. Damn.
"First! You are going to be able to freely "revive" least once a day! If you die, you'll be given the choice to revive wherever you wish, within a very very small 200 meter diameter!" she said as I took five fucking seconds to try and make sense of what she was saying.
". . . . . . So, I have a One-up, is what you're saying?" I tried to clarify what she was on about as I took the time to try and think. Was this "diameter" only for, say, the x-axis, or the horizontal? Or can I also exploit this to the point where it can work with both y and z? Vertically and diagonally? If, if that's the case, then, that's, oh boy, that's a spicy spicy meatball. But it's only once a day. Yeah, bit of a restriction indeed, but damn, having a safety net like that ain't half-bad!
"And as for your second one! You, are, umm, going to, h-hold on for a moment, I need to try and think what else can I possibly give you."
. . . . . she was fucking winging this, oh god I'm so fucking dead. "Well, considering that I'm a "dungeon monitor", I suppose you could, oh I don't know, allow me to actually have a monitor? I mean, we gotta stick to the namesake, right" I tried my best to nudge the poor dumb little goddess into the direction that seemed to be best for me. It'll most likely have restrictions as well.
"I guess you could have something to make it easier for you. Fine! You can use a small amount of this space and own it! You can do a lot of things here, and you can even make a room here! BUT! You can only be in here for once a week. You can stay for a very long time inside here, probably even longer than what I should even allow you, but as your senior, I cannot bear to watch my junior suffer in a world of foolish mortals!" and as she did that, she had crocodile tears and a handkerchief in hand.
I can't tell if I should be trying to blow brains out right now, or if I should just allow her to continue on with her weird shit. "So, unlimited duration of a safe space when I'm inside of it, but when I leave it, there's a week's worth of cooldown to return to it? What about when I leave it? Do I simply just drop at the same place at the same time as I left it? Does time flow while I'm in here, in this little room of mine?" at this point, I was just asking the questions to try and delay my arrival to the "world".
I was sceptical, obviously enough. This, this was all too good to be true. "Hmm? Of course time will continue forward? But it continues at a random pace each and everytime you come inside."
That, that was more than enough of an answer to really hammer it in. Random intervals of time dilating in a fucking room, and it isn't even under my control. Well shit. If I wanted things to progress oddly, this might as well have been it, there ain't no way in hell or heaven that I am going to fucking live through any of this.
"That's, well, it's a bit arbitrary, don't you think? This is a very very odd specification to it. You could just make it one to one by the second, but sure fine, I guess this is also workable." I had to step down with this one. This, it wasn't exactly great on my end as to whatever the hell I needed, but it was good enough. I doubt that I'll be using it for anything good, aside from the possibility of having to spend millenia in the world.
"Very good! And as a final note, the realm that I will be giving you will be capable of making you food and drink, but no weapons. Anything isn't a weapon can be made!" wait wait wait wait wait. I'm sorry, fucking what? Anything that isn't a weapon, isn't a fucking weapon can be made.
. . . . holy shit this might genuinely be workable. But that means I have to, oh gods. Okay, that's two restrictions. I can't carry that many things, and I can't have other people inside of the "realm". But I can make things there. Design, hide, so many possibilities. "Oh, and I almost forgot! You cannot, and will not be able to use this to make anything and bring it out of the realm! You can only use it like me! For leisure!" she proclaimed as my dreams of having infinite ammo went straight out of the window.
Amazing, so much power, yet there's so much of me wanting to beat her ass in again.
"Fantastic, just, fantastic. I assume that this is a magic world, and it's probably just in it's medieval era. Correct? That's a cliche I've definitely haven't read one too many times before." I felt a tad bit saddened about losing my increased chances of survival, but hey, I guess I gotta bleed a little. "Hmm? What's a medieval era? No! You'll be a dungeon monitor remember? You'll have to go through the years and allow them to get to that so-said medieval era!"
. . . . . Oh fuck me. "No no no no no, absoFUCKINGlutely not. First off, the rules of the bloody powers are just, well, too damn restrictive. You want me to kill? Then allow me the tools to kill. You can think of a better damn restriction other than randomized time skips or fucking nothing. The first is all good, but at the very least, allow me to change the the time dilation. Hell, do I even want to begin to know however the fuck does it work? No, positively not." I threw my thoughts as she stood there in silence.
Wait, stood? I mean she has a humanoid figure but it's not really, you know what? Never mind. She just took a moment to think as she nodded to me. ". . . . You're serious? That quickly? As in, you made a decision that my life depends on within the span of what was essentially three seconds?" I felt flabbergasted from that thought. All of the possible things she could have done, such as throw me straight down there, oh boy. Yeah, that's, oh gods.
"Yes, and this senior believes that you should be allowed to choose the time that you go into the world. HOWEVER! You cannot choose anything above their "medieval era" as you so call it, junior." she gave it to me as I had a relatively neutral face.
"Fair enough, I'll assume that I'll be going now?" I said as I looked at my old body and realized that despite how often I used my frustrations in reading back in prison as a form of motivation, my body wasn't exactly "streamline". They were lenient with me, I got good cuts of Pizza on Pizza Friday. That shit was good, and I enjoyed it. And sleep, oh sleep my dear dear old friend, how I'll be missing you once this all begins.
"Alright, good bye junior! And I hope you will survive all of this!" she said as I flipped her the bird one last time for the sake of it. Might as well go through all the nine yards huh?