Chapter 31 - Selfish

"Too slow,"

"!"

"Please stop!"

My punch, full of killing intents, stopped just a inch before hitting William's face. Force of my punch generated air pressure which caused William's hairs and clothes in the same direction as of my fist was pointing at.

"Please stop, Sir Allan. I apologize on the behalf of William so please spare him!" Begged the King for forgiveness.

William fall on the ground backward instinctively in astonishment, cold sweet run down on his face as he looked me in fear... There was no doubt he didn't feel the pressure behind that punch, I throw it with full will of killing him without holding back. It wouldn't be surprising if William's head travelled in air for 50-60 km after being hit by it...

"Tch, I'm letting you live this time kid just because your king asked me for a bit mercy. I don't want to spoil the fun of this banquet or get my hands dirty just because of someone like you so don't you ever try to mess with me again or the next time you do... I'LL KILL YOU." I threatened him while releasing a dangerous aura from my body.

I turned to King,"Mr. King, I can't stay here anymore. I want some fresh air so will take my leave,"

"A-Ah, hm, s-sure," King and I slightly exchange greetings as I begin to leave...

"Wait! Do you really think you can escape after doing this with my son? You have disrespected our Great Gerynell Family, a commoner like you must be punished. I, Wellonson Greynell, in the name of my Greynell Family, will here by, thus decide your punishment!" I turned my my head slowly as I give a deadly stare to Elder Greynell over my shoulder...

"Do you really think you're in a position to punish me?"

Receiving my glare, Elder Greynell shrink back as the anger on his face turned into hesitant and was replaced by a slight fear...

"That's enough, Wellonson."

"Y-Your Highness, this insolent brat insulted my noble family in front of everyone,"

"I said, enough."

"B-But"

"Sir Allan is my guest. Disgracing him would mean disgracing me, are you defying me," King gave a sharp look.

"Uh,"

"I'm doing this for your safety so please don't cause any more problem to Sir Allan,"

"....As you say, my lord.' Elder Greynell glared at me as he bowed to king. I glared him in return.

Who do they think they are? I just spared them cause I appreciate King's kindness. He held this banquet just foe me and I don't want to destroy it.

I separated myself from the crowd and walked towards balcony. Everyone gave me space to walk forward as they moved away from my path.

I stand at the balcony taking support of it's railings, as I faced the night sky and closed my eyes. At least I can stand here get some free space for myself...

Night sky, it was full of twinkling stars and a full white moon. I feels a bit nostalgic, I used to stand like this with her and really enjoy this view. At that time, it feels so good and I always wishes that night never ends, and, I can enjoy that beautiful scene like that always...

But it's not like that anymore. No matter how many times I look up at night sky and try to feel the same way, the truth is that I never feel it...enjoy it...not anymore...

Those feeling... those emotions... they are all gone and the only thing that is left is, this emptiness. There is nothing more then darkness in my heart... Sometimes, I think...will I be ever able to feel the same way I used to feel back then again? Will someday, can I also feel those emotions, that happiness again just like others?

"Heh, karma is a bitch. It really hits you hard..." I muttered and laughed at myself.

I am fine... I was always fine... And I will also be fine like this. I'm use to this harshness. This is my fate and I have already accepted this so why I'm still here... Why am I doing this all?... Why am I struggling for all these years?... I already know that I can never live happily, never can enjoy my life fullest, and can never attain the eternal peace so why am I doing this?!

Heh, answer is simple. Because, I'm selfish... Yes, I was always selfish... Even after knowing that I don't deserve it I still try to happiness because I was selfish. am still selfish... And what's more, when I finally obtained that so called 'happiness', everything got destroyed, just because of my selfishness... It was all my fault for being selfish and till now, I'm still selfish...

That's the main reason I am doing all this, because I'm selfish... Because, I want to see that smile again...

Such a selfish guy I am, just because I want to see that single smile, I am doing all this... Heh, I am definitely going to Hell, no, maybe even more worse place...

"Enjoying the night view,"

"Maybe, more or less,"

I opened my eyes. The one who said those words was Lucia.

"You're not attending banquet?"

"Well. it's so boring. All I can do is to chat with other noble girls and ladies but they're just sweat talking with me..."

Lucia know that all those girls want to take advantage of her by making themselves good in front of her...

"So you just came out here to avoid them?"

"Well, something like that... You see, being near you is fun." She said as her checks turned red.

Seriously, at the time like this... Even after I refused to dance with you so rudely. Oh yeah, maybe I should apologize her for that at right moment.

"You were so cool back then when you scared William back there!"

"I think I was scarier then cool,"

"No, no, obviously not! The action was so awesome and thrilling that I was even predicting what will came next. Whether Allan will let them live or there is going to be a brawl!" Lucia's eyes have twinkling as she said.

"You really do love fighting, huh?" I said teasingly.

"N-No, I'm not that kind of girl it's just, that you're so cool back then." She said last part while looking in other direction in embarrassment...

"Ahm, that being said, I want to apologize."

"Apologize...? For what?" She don't know what I wanted to say so she tilted her head in confusion...

"Well, you see, back then I refused to dance with you even though you were so good with me. I don't want to hurt your feeling and I think, I was too rude back then that's why, I'm really sorry for back then," I apologized to Lucia with full honesty.

"W-Wait wait wait! You don't have to apologize for that. It was my fault for forcing you even though you were not willing to dance that's why please don't apologize for that, you are making me feel embarrass." She tried to make it her fault.

I drew closer to her and whispered,

"Well, to tell you the truth, I drink too much that time that I don't think could manage to walk properly that time so dancing was out of the question," A cute little lie.

"Is-Is that so?!"

"Yeah, that's why I refused,"

"I don't know that time, please forgave for forcing you!"

"Oh, it's fine. Don't take it too much,"

"So-so-so, that's the reason why he refused to dance. I was misunderstanding things. Th-That means, he don't hate me. Now, I can sleep with ease tonight!"

Heh, still not willing to gave up on me, huh? Well whatever.

Lucia was murmuring to herself in a very low voice but I still heard it cause, I am...

. . . . .