Chereads / Craving For Love / Chapter 3 - To love or to be loved?

Chapter 3 - To love or to be loved?

"Daniel!" Aliya called my seatmate

"The program's gonna start, we should be at the covered court right now," she said

she is our class vice-president while Daniel is our president

He immediately stood up and told everyone to form a line outside and to start walking to the court

I was the last one to go out of the room because I still have to make sure that every appliance inside the room was turned off

As I was checking everything, I noticed an envelope on the floor, I picked it up and saw my name on it

I decided to open the envelope, but as soon as I was about to open it, I heard the shouts and applause of the people from the covered court, I quickly put the envelope in my bag and will just read it later

I ran as fast as I can to the covered court since I was one of the students who will speak for our opening program

**********

As soon as I entered the court, I saw Ms. Anna waving at me and signing me to go to the stage already

I took out my guide for the speech and walked towards the mic

I felt nervous that time but I took a deep breath and I can't back out right now

Our topic was betrayal in love, it was really hard for me to make something out of that topic since I've never been in that situation in my life

"I believed all your lies" I spoke to the audience the title of my speech

"When you said that you love her, did you even think about me?

When you promised me forever, did you mean it?

The moment iI saw you with her, did you think I'll never notice all the stares you throw at her, all the smiles you gave to her when you can't even smile at me whenever we're together?

Every time I'm with you it was the best moment of my life

But... every time you're with me, your mind and heart was screaming her name

When you said you didn't love me, my world was shattered

When I saw you kissing her, I felt betrayed

I know you lied... from the moment I looked in your eyes, I saw sadness, I saw sorrow, I didn't saw a spark, I didn't saw anything from your eyes when you looked at me, but when you laid your eye on her, I saw how your eyes lighten up, they felt alive

Yet

I believed because those lies are what keeps me from hanging on and hoping that maybe one day

Maybe one day...

You can teach your heart how to love me

That maybe one day you'll choose me

But in the end, you have to choose her

Because to be honest...

It was her who have your heart

It's always her

Maybe I didn't look hurt

Maybe it looks like I don't care

But, I did

I did care

I was hurt

I did everything

But maybe this is what they call love

Truly, love hurts

But the moment I saw you being happy with her

Was the moment I forced my heart to be happy too because you're happy even though it's not me who causes it

I thought to myself, maybe I was craving for your love

Maybe It's because of it, maybe because it's always other people's approval and not mine to myself

Maybe...

But if I get more pretty, will he even like me?"

I left that question in the end because I knew that love does hurt, but on the other side does it hurt when we start to appreciate ourselves and to stop the need for others approval for our feelings

Maybe it's time to choose yourself first

The concept was about betrayal in love

But it can also be betrayal in yourself because you always ask for others to love you when you can start it within you

I bowed to the people and starts to walk down the stage as I was walking I can hear them clapping and others were even crying

I looked at Ms. Anna's eyes, she was still young and every time she looks at me, she was very proud of me

How I wish that's how my aunt and uncle (mom and dad) felt too

Be proud of me...

****************

it was already the end of our 2nd day, tomorrow will be the awards and other games stuff for the festival

I decided to went straight home to give myself a rest, I saw Daniel running towards me

"Hey there" he greeted I just smiled at him because I was very tired to even give him a reply

he didn't even bother to message me back

"Hey, I know you're angry because I didn't text back, but can you just forgive me please?" he said while doing his cute and innocent look to please me

"Ugh, whatever apology accepted," I said as I smiled at him

"Hey how about I walk you home just to prove to you that I am sorry," he said

His house was only a street away from me so I guess it's alright

I looked at him and gave him a thumbs-up before we start to walk home

************

I was already 3 houses away from home when he asked me something

"Hey, about your speech earlier, to whom do you address that?" he asked

I think for a second because to me, that was only a drama I just created a fake scenario in my head about a girl being betrayed by her best friend and his first love who she thought liked her too

"Well, it's just... I Uhm, you know what nothing, I just created a fake scenario in my head that is related to the concept and that's it" I said

"Well, I guess that was a heartbreaking scenario you did, well you're here at your house now so see you tomorrow" he said as he waved goodbye to me and walks away