I rest my head against the tree in the middle of our school right in front of the entrance. Today is the last day of school before summer break and I am waiting for Takeshi and Kaito, my best friends, to finish their last club activities before the summer break.
Today, we're going to hang out at my house and play some games on my console. I live alone, so I basically could do anything I want there. Of course, I still have discipline. I don't necessarily invite friends over all the time and I do my chores because I'm alone, why would I not do it? Sometimes, my uncle comes over to help me out and accompany me at home.
I also have a club, but my club's last meeting before summer break ended early, so I waited here at my usual spot. Under the tree in the middle of the school.
Finally, I saw Kaito and Takeshi changing their shoes in the students' locker. They also brought two other guys with them, who seem to be in junior high school. Our school, Hatanaka Academy, is an elevator school, so we have students from elementary to high school. It's a private institution, but It's not that expensive that only the elite and rich students can study here. I don't have a scholarship, but my uncle manages to support my study there (and he's also a faculty member there.)
After changing their shoes, they walked out and meets me under the tree. I observed the junior high school students that they were with. One was Takeda, Takeshi's younger brother, and the other, I don't know. He doesn't seem familiar. Maybe he's a new student?
"Hey, Kyo!" Takeshi calls out to me.
"Takeshi! Kaito!" I got up as I called them back.
"Hey, is it okay if my lil' bro comes with us?" Takeshi asks. "He's been begging me to bring him in one of our hangouts." He looks a little annoyed.
"I mean, you guys seem cool!" Takeda excitedly jumps. "I'm surprised you guys never ask me to hang out, hmph!"
"You never ask me!" Takeshi replies.
Kaito hits the back of Takeshi's head. "Are you deaf or something? He said you never ask HIM. You should be the one who's asking!"
I laugh as the two argue. I notice the other junior high student behind them, looking down. He must be waiting for us.
I approach him. "Hey, you seem new here. I've never seen you before."
"Oh, uhhh-" He mutters. He seems pretty shy. "Yeah, I just moved here last week."
Takeda slides beside the guy and places his arm around him. "Yeah! He seems cool, so I approached him. Natsu, introduce yourself!"
"Oh, uhhh-" He looks up. "My name is Hajime Natsuhi. You can call me by my name or just Natsu. Anything is fine."
He's still shy, but his voice was louder when he's introducing himself. I then introduce myself.
"My name is Kuukyo Ai, but call me Kyo. I prefer that!" I reach for a handshake. He accepts. We are officially introduced.
"Let's go?" Takeshi is finally done arguing with Kaito, which I forgot what it was about.
"Yeah," Hajime and I said at the same time. We both laughed. "You owe me a soda."
He sighs. "Sure."
"Hmmm, already getting along, I see," Takeshi says.
"Kyo, don't forget about your best friend!" Kaito jokingly begs as if he is about to get executed.
I roll my eyes as I hit him in the head. "Shut up, dude."
We made our way and left school.
* * * * *
We made a stop at a convenience store nearest to the school, which is way down. Our school is way up the mountains, so it's a daily struggle to go to school and it is always relaxing to go home. I can't even bike up that high so it's either walk or ride a cab. If my uncle isn't too busy or if I wake up early, he'll pick me up and take me to school.
I let Kaito, Takeda, and Takeshi handle the snacks while Hajime and I sit in the chairs. He bought a popsicle stick and he actually bought me a soda. I was joking, but hey, he already bought it, so I can't deny it now.
It was awkwardly silent between us. The faint conversation of the three and the faint sounds of bottles and bags hitting each other was drifting between us. I finally break the silence.
"So, you are new here right?" I asked. "Where were you formerly from? If you don't mind me asking."
He looks up to me. "I used to live in Hokkaido, but this is my mom's hometown, so she wanted the family to live here, and we all agreed. She studied in Hatanaka Academy, so she enrolled me there."
"Ahh, I see, I see," I took a sip of my soda.
"How about you?" Hajime asks. "Did you originally live here? Or like, did you also move?"
"I actually don't know," I replied. "My parents were never really around to teach me about the family, so I don't know."
"Oh, your parents are away a lot?"
"Nah, they're dead."
Silence fills the air. I think I just made the situation more awkward.
"Oh, I'm sorry for asking." He looks like he's unsettled.
"Oh, it's okay. I was too young to know them so I don't think I could feel anything when they're mentioned to me."
"Ahh okay. I'm glad to know I didn't upset you."
"Don't worry, you didn't."
He chuckles and smiles. "I'm glad."
I smiled back.
"May I ask, do you live alone or with someone?" He asked me, pretty relaxed by now.
"Uh, yeah. I live alone." I replied. "Though, my uncle sometimes comes over to accompany me. He's also the one providing my weekly allowance and grocery."
"Ahh, I see." Hajime licks the remaining bits of his popsicle stick. "Does your uncle happen to be Mr. Yamato Ai, our English teacher?"
I pointed to him, holding the can of soda. "Yup, that's him!" I took a sip.
"He seems great! He's pretty chill and I actually learn from him."
"Right?"
Our conversation was cut off by Takeshi dropping two paper bags full of snacks in front of us. "Alright guys, your date is over. Time to go."
I looked at Takeshi. "Then why did you drop it on the table?"
"Oh, we did the shopping, so you guys do the carrying." He replies.
"Why me? Is it not enough that you guys will be spending the night at my house?"
Hajime looks at me in a flash. "Wait, you guys are sleeping over there?"
"Yeah!" Takeda was enthused. "Sorry, we forgot to tell you. Are you allowed to sleep over?"
"I mean, yeah, but I don't have a change of clothes."
"Oh, don't worry! Kyo can lend you some clothes." Kaito crept a smile as he places his arm around me.
"Is it okay?" Hajime asks me. To be honest, he looks like a puppy when he asked me that. I couldn't say no! Not like I would say no.
"Yeah, sure! Though, my clothes would probably oversized when you wear it."
"Oh, that's fine!" Hajime was enthused. "I like wearing oversized clothes when sleeping."
"That's great!" I smiled. Now I'm feeling enthused too.
"You guys are barely dating but already sharing clothes, huh?" Takeshi laughs as he says.
"Oh shut up," I grabbed the paper bag on the table as I stand up. "Let's go."
Kaito, Takeshi, and Takeda laugh in front of us while Hajime and I were behind them, carrying the paper bags.
* * * * *
As a kid, I've had plenty of admirers in school, but I didn't know that people were into me until someone told me. This is where I discovered that I am not good at understanding feelings or affection. People have flirted with me but I don't realize that they were. I just thought that they were being nice. I have hurt people's feelings because of this, and it feels horrible. I don't know how to see hints and I don't sometimes say the right things.
My friends know this part of me, and they sometimes help me out if I can't read the room. Though, sometimes they troll me and say that some people are actually flirting with me. Maybe they are, maybe they don't. I don't know, I can't really trust my friends too when it comes to that.
* * * * *
I recall a memory from junior high school.
There was this girl who would always look at me with a smile on her face. I would smile back and nod my head.
One time, after class, she approached me at my desk and gave me a chocolate bar.
"For me?" I was perplexed as she hands me the bar."
"Yes!" She was enthused.
"But why?"
"Well," she looks down as she shakes her upper body from left to right. "You seem pretty nice, so as a token of my appreciation and newfound friendship, I give you this."
I accepted the chocolate bar. I didn't feel attracted or anything. I was just happy that she wants to be friends. "Thank you so much!"
"My name is Seiko by the way!" She enthusiastically reached for a handshake. I smiled and accepted it.
We became friends that day. Though, every day, she keeps buying me different things, which I find weird. She keeps spending money on me. I just thought that that was her way of showing her friendship for me, nothing more, nothing less.
One day, Kaito noticed my interaction with Seiko in class. While walking home, he asks me about it.
"So Kyo, you and that girl are dating?"
"What do you mean, Kaito? Seiko?"
"Yeah. I noticed that you have been hanging out with her and she always buys you stuff. Though isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"
I was confused because I didn't know what he was talking about. "What? No! Why do you think we are dating."
"Dude, she literally buys you stuff every day since you guys met and both of you have been hanging out almost every day."
"No, that can't be it!" I replied. I really couldn't believe it. I didn't sense a single sign of attraction. "She just thinks of me as a friend."
He facepalms. "Whatever, man. You are so shallow. Sooner or later, she'll confess to you and you'll accidentally hurt her feelings."
To that day, my mind has been bugging me. Was she actually into me? I really didn't believe it. Was I that shallow? I didn't genuinely think that her gifts are signs of attraction. Kaito might be right. If she actually likes me that way and she confessed, I might hurt her because of the obvious signs that I couldn't even notice.
I hope that day never comes.
* * * * *
That day actually came.
It was such a cliché moment that it happened in spring as cherry blossoms fall from the tree while we were walking home after school.
"What?" I was dumbfounded at the moment.
"I like you," She says shyly. She wasn't looking at me.
I really couldn't say anything because Kaito was right and I was so shallow that I didn't see the obvious signs.
"Was it obvious?" She says. "I bought you stuff and almost hung out with you every day when I have time, so I thought that I was pretty obvious."
Crap. Those were obvious, yet I didn't see it. I hate this. I tried to say something, but my mouth couldn't form words. I was stuttering right there.
"Kyo? Are you alright?"
"Uhh- I- uhhhh-" I was sweating hard. "Th-thanks."
Crap, why did I say that?! Thanks?! Really?!
"Oh, uhmmm," The color she gives off suddenly fades as if the atmosphere went pale. "I see. Well, I'm glad that I got that off my chest. I wasn't really expecting you to say the same. I'm just happy that we could hang out!"
I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this.
"I just remembered, uhmmm, I have to stop at the pharmacy. See you!" She was in a hurry that I didn't have to say anything to her. I don't know if she was actually in a hurry to go to the pharmacy or in a hurry to get away from me, and to this stay, it still bugs me.
After that day, we never hung out again. I couldn't gather my strength to talk to her and I regretted that because she moved to another part of the country.
"Dude..." I heard a faint voice. It slowly fades until I heard it clearly. "Dude!!"