Edward
"What do you mean he picked Mary?" Amanda screamed through the phone as I ran up the stairs of my penthouse.
"I mean he picked Mary. What more do I have to say Amy?" I sighed as I entered my penthouse office. I had recently gotten it renovated since the previous design was too old fashioned for my taste.
The room had high ceilings with a large black chandelier hanging in the center. One wall was covered in floor to ceiling shelves; made out of glass, where all my books were packed neatly. It created an illusion that they were simply floating from first glance. The floor was a dark wood made specially in Italy. A large window stood behind my large glass desk which gave me a perfect view of the city. A small longue area was to one corner, a mini bar and a bathroom because I was too lazy to walk.
Money had spoilt me too much.
It had been two days since the ball. The following day I simply went to work and ignored my sisters calls since she knew I would probably encounter Vasili. She was like a leech for gossip. It was no shock to me when I had noticed she had called me nearly fifty times in the past two days. To be honest I was shocked she did not come barging through the doors of my penthouse any second.
"So you are telling me, he picked her over you, Edward Coleman fifth richest man in the world. Not to toot your horn or anything, but Mum and Dad made sure we came out beautiful. Like he must be blind!" She continued to rant on for about a minute without noticing I had put her on speaker and was furiously typing away on my laptop without hearing a word she had said. "Edward! Are you even listening!"
"Yes yes. Listen Amy I'll call you in a minute I have something important to attend to," I did not even wait for her response and quickly ended the call before she could go off again. To be honest I was just as baffled as Amanda. Vasilis rejection at first felt like a small jab, but the more I thought of it, it became a never ending gaping wound. The first day I simply ignored it and focused on work.
I often tended to drown myself in work whenever I had emotional baggage. It was a good distraction, but things lately at the office had been going smoothly and I desperately wished something would come up to take my attention. Unfortunately the universe was not on my side and decided to give me the quietest week I had ever had in my whole career. Since things at the office were going so awfully slow I decided to work from home. Less human interaction was a luxury at this stage in my life.
So as I sat typing away on my laptop, responding to emails from business partners from all over the world, I started thinking. To others their thoughts would have been productive, but to me it always felt like one giant step backwards. My mind and heart had started a desperate argument of self hate and doubt.
'Maybe if you had made better choices in life Vasili would have chosen you," a part of me argued.
'Maybe if you had not been so self absorbed and a workaholic Selena would have stayed," another part of me shouted.
'Maybe you aren't handsome enough or rich enough. You've made bad choices Ed,' another screamed.
I had not even noticed that I had completely stopped typing and just sat there with my hands clenched. A cold sweat had formed on my back and I wondered for how long had I lost myself in my world of self pity. It was paralyzing if I had to put it in simple terms. My breathes came out in short pants as I tried to centre myself. These random panic attacks were happening too much in these past few months and it drove me crazy.
It would be during a jog, a dinner with friends, abruptly during a meeting with clients and I would have to excuse myself for a few minutes whilst my mind tore itself apart. Anyone would spare one glance at me and not think much of it. 'What problems could a billionaire have? He has more money than he could spend in a life time.'
Even though it sounded ridiculous for someone like me who had grown up in the public eye to have anxiety. I did. No one knew. Not my parents, my sister, Pablo and Marco. It was my little dirty secret that I wanted no one to know about. What would they think of me if they knew? It was better to keep it secret. It was safer.
It was only then it hit me how painful it felt to be rejected by Vasili. During the hall when I had come back from dancing with Leonardos wife; Marcos brother,and found Vasili gone I had panicked. I knew from the look on his face whilst I danced with her that he was not happy. It gave me a bit of hope. Maybe he was jealous because he had feelings for me. One could only be jealous if they cared enough right. Plus the fact he had left Mary confirmed my suspicions slightly. Maybe he wanted me to follow him.
When I did finally find him walking to his car I had a small burst of hope, but as soon as he yanked his hand away from mine I knew that was not the case. He looked genuinely pissed off I was anywhere near him. That I had ran from my own grand opening to bother him. It crushed me. Then when he finally said the words I felt hollow inside. The way he looked at me contradicted what he said. What he had chosen. His eyes still burned with that wonder and need. I thought he would give into it, but he did not. I wondered if he even tried to fight it off.
From the looks of it he clearly did. He was scared to be with me and so was I. This was uncharted territory for me. Even with all my experience I had never dared to tap my toes into the possibility that I may be slightly attracted to men. It was just something I never thought of when so many people were willing to throw themselves at me, for just a few minutes to live the luxurious life I could offer them.
I wondered if he knew that. That I was just as scared as he was. That whenever our lips touched for those few times that it felt like the best and worst ten seconds of my life. I was thirty-five and going through an identity crisis. He was still young. Then our age gab hit me as well. We were ten years apart from one another and from two different worlds with two different cultures. His norm was being cold and blunt, whilst mine was being more polite and cherishing. That was my natural instinct whenever I got close to someone. To make them feel as comfortable and happy as possible.
Maybe that was where I often went wrong. I gave too much and received so little. With Vasili it felt like I received so much. He would surprise me with random lunches and dinners. Two weeks before Mary came he had gotten me a tie because he was out and just thought it would look good on me. Those little things meant so much more to me than a brand new car or jet. People often forgot that just because I had money, that I did appreciate the little things.
He remembered that. He treated me like how he would treat anyone and did not care about my status. By the time I had kissed him in my cinema I had not known how much he meant to me till the thought of losing him was maddening. Although before it had fully begun, he was gone just as I started trying to wrap my head around everything. It had only been two days, but I missed him terribly.
I wished I could just call him and pretend nothing between us had happened. Even just as a friend he had made waking up everyday so much more exciting. Whether it was fighting with random people when we went out or tackling me whenever I stole his food. I really did miss him. He was off for another few days and I had no idea how things at the office would be now.
That was why I always made the rule to never get involved with people I worked with. One did not shit where they ate. I would try my absolute best to forget about this. To forget about us and respect his decision to stay with Mary. It was what he wanted and who was I to tell him otherwise? We had only known each other for a few months. He had known her for years. Surely he knew what was best for him. Sadly it just was not me.