Being the eldest in her family she had many responsibilities and had always felt that whatever she did something always went wrong. Over the years, and as far as she could remember she had grown dependent only on her support for herself. She never wanted to be disturbance to others nor did she want anyone's sympathy. Not even that of her parents. She had always been open with her mother. Opening up to anything that went through her mind but this was a situation where she could not seek her mother's support. For if her mother knew that would be the end of her life. And anyways her mother was busy with her new born baby sister.
Holding back her sobs and tears Diana texted the only person who could help her at this time. Brian. Without Brian, Diana had no idea how she would have dealt with her feelings. Doubts were running through her mind non-stop and she had no way of controlling them.
Was she really that bad?
Had she really turned into the one thing she hated the most? Liars and hypocrites.
Did everyone in the world have to hate her?
Who had revealed her secret?
Why had she ever told anyone her secret?
What would happen if Luke told her parents?
And was it even worth living now?
She had no answers to these questions. Diana felt like screaming at the pain that tore through her heart. It was as if she was being stabbed repeatedly in her heart and then it was being shredded to pieces. It was unbearable. She did not want to live anymore. How easy would it be if she ended her life?
Needing to put out her feelings without bottling them up she texted Brian.
'Brian… I don't know what to do. Please help me.'
'Di, what happened? Is everything alright.' His reply was instant.
'Did Luke tell you?'
'Yeah…is it true Diana?'
She was scared of telling him the truth. What if he left her too. What if he hated her too. So she replied,
'No Brian. I love him like a brother and no more.' Diana had no idea who she was trying to convince. Brian or herself.
'Di… am sorry I spoke to him but he doesn't want to unblock you and he told me to tell you that he doesn't want to speak to you anymore. Am so sorry.' It was followed by a line of sad emoji's and with that she burst into tears.
'Am I such a hateful person Brian? Do you also think of me as such?'
'Come on Diana… No! you are a good person. He will get over it don't worry. He will speak to you. I know it in my heart. And no I don't hate you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'
A small smile made it into her face and with that she felt herself relax a little. She trusted Brian's words. After all he was Luke's best friend wasn't he? Who else could know Luke than him?
But her expectations only came crashing down in the days that followed. Luke never unblocked and nor did he speak to her. It was as if she didn't even exist in his life. There was no reply to her messages in their group chat from him. He freely texted and joked around with Bethany, Violet and Brian but the moment she dropped a text he would ignore it. This only broke down her further.
She knew it was her fault. She was the only person to blame for this heart breaking pain. She had trusted too much and she had loved too much. She had yearned for something she could never get.
She was too ugly. She was a liar. She was a hypocrite. And she didn't deserve to live. She had betrayed him. Broke his trusting her. He wouldn't even look at her face for what she had done. She knew that. And it was too much to bear.
Two weeks followed with no sign of Luke talking to her again and she grew closer to Brian. Violet and Bethany weren't speaking to her like before and in her heart she started to believe that it was them who had revealed her secret. Bethany did not really like her that much.
When the third week rolled in since that dreadful day Brian and Diana had sworn to be best friends. Brian kept her updated on Luke and how he was faring. It seemed as if Luke had no worried as to how Diana was. No matter how much Brian had tried he had been firm in his resolve. Luke had trusted her, loved her like sister but she had broken it and he wasn't going to forgive her soon for it. Violet and Bethany were good friends for him and he didn't want her in his life anymore.
The following months Diana started to move on. She still checked his contact daily to see if he had unblocked her but no luck so far for her. So it was a shock when her family was invited to a sudden get together. She wasn't ready to face him again. She tried asking her parents to be left behind with her maternal grandparents but was refused. And if she insisted further she knew her mother would grow suspicious and she wasn't really needing that in her already falling apart life. She had always looked forward to these get together lunches and dinners. And never in her life had she thought that one day she would dread them.
She had to brace herself for the worst and she dreaded it. She did not know what to do. Not with Brian not going to be there for the lunch. He had exams and wouldn't be able to come. Without her new best friend, she did not know how to deal with it. Brian encouraged and asked her to be herself and not to think too much of his actions. He insisted that it was Luke's loss if he ignored her and not vice versa.
There was only one thought in her mind as she arrived at the lunch.
Please God, don't make it too hard for me. I won't be able to bear it.
Her prayer was only answered to a certain limit. Though it wasn't too hard to bear, what happened, it did make her cry.