The moment Diana stepped out of the vehicle her heart started racing. She could feel it beating it so fast that she felt as though it was going to break free through her rib cage. Since it was an eight-hour journey from her home in the city to her birth place in the country her parents had decided to stay over for two nights before returning back. She could only hope things would turn out alright.
By the time they arrived every other member had come over. It was total chaos in the mansion like family home. And Luke was somewhere in that chaos. She dreaded their meeting as much as she anticipated it.
Would he talk to her? He couldn't ignore her in front of everyone as they would grow suspicious. Right?
She was brought out of her wishful thinking when Violet and Bethany walked towards her and pulled her into a hug. Only then did Diana realize something. She wasn't the same girl anymore. Somehow the month that had passed had changed her. Where she would have returned the embrace enthusiastically she could only just offer a light smile and a small pat on their shoulders. Her trust was broken and she didn't want to speak to them. She had always spoken free of any thoughts but now she was closed off.
Just as she was about to pull back her eyes met Luke's as he entered from what Diana could see was grocery shopping. Not even a look of recognition passed through his eyes before he averted his eyes away from her as if she was something disgusting. Diana's heart shattered like fragile glass at that. He had always greeted her with some funny comment and now she missed it sorely. The thought that he would never greet her that way anymore did not help in bringing any comfort to her broken heart.
Luke walked in casually before greeting her parents and sisters. He was a favourite among them. Her parents and sisters loved him as the son and brother they never had and she had crossed the boundary in her feelings.
Bethany and Violet's attention immediately turned towards him and so did his.
"Hey Beth and Vi care to help me with these grocery? It's rather heavy you know and I could use some help."
It was as if he mentioned only Beth's and Violet's name just to show her he did not care anymore for her. Diana badly wanted to help but she was scared of rejection. Holding her tears at bay she walked into her room locking it behind her. She left the tears flow freely and only stopped when she felt her phone vibrating.
Brian was calling her. She hastily wiped away her tears before answering the call.
"Hey Brian."
"Hey…. Di are you crying? What's up? What did he do now? What happened?" Diana couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at his concern. Whatever happened he managed to brighten up her day. She could only wish that it was Luke who asked her these questions. As the thought crossed her mind she let out a sob and then without her consent words flowed from her mouth. And before she knew it she had told Brian about what had happened.
"Di, come on now. I told you it was his loss right? Now stop worrying about it. Wipe away those tears and switch on your video. I want to see everyone. You are going to show me everything and you better be smiling. Show him that it hasn't affected you. Be brave. You know in your heart you are brave. Don't let them affect you. Come on now do it. Please. For me."
Deciding to act on Brian's words she splashed water on her face and changed out of her travel clothes and switched to Face Time with him.
"Aaa.. there's my bestie now. Keep that non-chalance face and come on show me everything."
Smiling at his words, Diana did as he said. She walked into the kitchen and it was chaos as everyone tried to speak to him at once. Managing to escape from there after taking some pictures to send to him later, she walked out laughing.
"Now what?" she asked Brian and before he could reply she heard someone calling her.
As she turned around she was met by her so called best friends who asked her to join them with all the children outside. Shrugging she decided to join them. There were around thirty of them and all of them were seated inside or around her cousin Liam's truck.
As she joined them she had to pass her phone around to all them as everyone wanted to speak to Brian. As she looked around at everyone her eyes met Luke's though the rearview mirror but this time he did not avert his look. Diana was surprised by this and sent a small smile his way and no surprises there, she was ignored. Only then did she see what he was looking at with confusion and something else she couldn't identify properly on his face. Was that anger? Luke never got angry did he? Except at her that is. He was glaring at her phone now in Lucy's hand. She couldn't for the life of her understand what her phone had done to him.
Before she could build up her courage and ask him what the problem was, their parents were calling them for lunch. Liam handed over the keys to Luke asking him to lock up after everyone left before walking away saying he was hungry.
Diana took that as her chance to speak to him and kept texting Brian until everyone left. Bethany and Violet asked her to come with them but she refused saying she wanted to talk to Brian and that she will come in later. After everyone had left it was just her and Luke now. She kept texting Brian as if she did not see that they were alone together now. Her heart was racing at what she was supposed to say. How was she supposed to apologize? She did not have to think for long because fate decided to be cruel to her again.
With a harsh, "Can you get out of the truck I have to lock it?", Luke shattered all her hopes of apologizing and speaking. Without another word she got out of the truck but still did not look up at him and kept on texting Brian as if his tone did not bother her. Inside she was sobbing and crying. But she wasn't about to show it out to the world. Especially not to him.
She still kept her head down and pretended to keep up her act of nonchalance. Diana pretended to smile and chuckle to herself while texting Brian to stop the tears that wanted to be let out.
She had finished eating and not aware that Luke had too, walked into the kitchen to drop her dishes into the dishwasher. Just as she was about to walk out Luke walked in. Diana couldn't help but avert her gaze downwards and just as she passed him in the last second, the burning gaze made her look up. Her eyes met his again for the third time that day and just as she looked down at her shoes again unable to meet his burning glare, she saw a smirk cross his face.
That was it she decided then and there. Till now she had decided that she wanted to apologize and speak to him and wanted to be friends again but now she had no such thought. If the ever caring Luke had turned into one who smirked at her fear and embarrassment, then she wasn't going to bother with him again.
If they were supposed to be friends again then it was going to be at the cost of him being the first one to speak. She wasn't going to try again. For even though it was her fault she had kept her love hidden and hadn't treated him other than as a brother.
For the last time she let out her tears of frustration and anger before blocking his number and asking Brian to add her to their group chat again which she had left out of dismay and embarrassment. Brian was shocked at this but decided not to question her further and did as she said.
If he was going to be not caring about their broken friendship so was she. She had blamed and pitied herself enough. No one could control love. She knew that. Love was like lighting a matchstick. For some it took many tries and for some others, it would light up at the first stroke. What one did with that bright light of flame decided upon the one who struck the match. Either you use it to light up a candle or even a bonfire and make it shine brighter or let the flames die letting it to burn out until it has darkened and died out.
What Diana had done was blew off the flame and now only the end part of the matchstick was remaining and all she had to do was throw it away. No matter what resolve she took she couldn't help not throwing it away for whatever did happen after all he was her first love.
She did not want to throw that still white part of the stick away and decided to keep it as a reminder. At least for now.
If it had taken nearly four years for her to blow out the slowly burning flame, then it was going to take longer to throw that part of her away.
But she was going to try hard and achieve just that. She promised herself that.