Mama lay still on that terrible excuse for a bed, i couldn't help but stare at her. "She's only asleep, Lily" i thought to myself. "Don't sob so loudly, you'll wake her."
These thoughts however could not explain why she was so deadly still, why her chest no longer swelled with breath, why her eyes still open, were unseeing, and again why her heart no longer beat heartily from behind her breast.
My chest felt like it was being pushed in from the outside. I suddenly began to feel my self freeze, my lungs felt strained, my limbs so weak i couldn't move an inch.
These feelings i realized were as a result of the hurt and loneliness.
I could muster enough energy only to close her eyes. Seeing her eyes open, yet unseeing only brought home the truth, her soul had truly left her body.
Nigh on two hours from the dead of Mama, i used what little breath i had in my strained lungs to stand up, cover Mama with a blanket,and leave in search of the priest and the carpenter.
I had to make burial arrangements.
Maybe, just maybe the distractions will keep my mind from thinking about what Mama's death would mean for her only daughter left alone in this world.
My home is on the outskirts of the village, it has been so for as long as I can remember. Mama and I would go into the forest, east of the village, to pick wild plants which have long since been known to hold healing powers.
Mama used to tell me stories.
One of these was of the forest spirits that had given the knowledge of the herbs to our ancestor, who then handed the knowledge down through the generations, until now.
We healed the diseased, that was our livelihood. Those in the village whispered about her. They would say Mama consorts with the evil one, but they never called her a witch, for then they would have had to burn her at the stake, and if they did, who would give them a broth from the herbs to break their fevers, who would come to their aid when they needed to birth their children.
I made her first stop at the carpenter's. I told him of Mama's death, and my need for a coffin. To give him credit, he tried to look remorseful, but still charged the full amount for the coffin. I hadn't much, but I was willing to spend all i had for Mama to be laid to rest peacefully. So i gave him a down payment, promising to pay the rest upon the completion of the job.
I then walked a few more paces to the church. Father Paul, the kindest man i know took saw me come in and said, welcome child. Those kind words broke the bank on my tears. I began to weep. He took me by the hand and led me to the nearest pew.
"It will be alright" he said. Father Paul had already come to the conclusion that Mama has died.
"Father, i feel as though i cannot breath properly, i feel so useless. How is it that none of the herbs i have been studying for as long as I can remember couldn't help Mama? She didn't deserve to die, and i don't deserve to be left all alone."
"Child, it will be alright, God does everything he does for a reason, for as it is said, "there is a time for everything beneath the sky, a time to plant, and i time to harvest, a time to be born and a time to die." God has called your Mama to himself, and therefore he must have something in store for you too."
I wept and wept until i had hiccups. Father Paul offered to escort me home, but i refused. I had to prepare Mama's body for the burial the next day.
I made my way home, something i really didn't want to do, but knew i had to, because Mama deserved the best.