The clouds gathered, and the sky wept. It was a dreary day for a burial. It was like the world had decided to reflect my inner turmoil. The people from the village had come to offer condolences. Whether or not they were sincere was something i couldn't bring myself to care about. Mama was gone, and that was that. Condolences, sincere or not could not bring her back.
I just could not wait for the burial to end. I wanted all these people far away from me, so i could mourn in peace. As they lowered mama's body into the ground, the situation became most clearer. I would never again hold her hand, run into her arms, sleep by her side, or listen to the stories she told me about Papa.
For a moment a contemplating jumping into the grave so i could be buried with her, but that was not something Mama would not appreciate. "I have nothing else to live for", i thought, but Mama wouldn't have such a cowardly excuse either. I could almost hear her saying, "When there is life there is hope.
And you my Lily are filled with so much life. It would be a shame to put out that light."
I wept quietly, as i approached the grave and threw three white roses into it. Mama loved roses.
I too was the first to throw down a handful of ground into the grave, followed by a few of the villagers, and then the spades full os ground were thrown in. So very quickly mama disappeared beneath the ground.
I watched to the very end. I didn't want to miss any part of it. Even though it hurt like nothing else ever had, i continued to watch.
It hurt so much i thought i might lose conciousness, but i didn't, i had never fainted in my life, and not surprisingly, today was not going to be the first day i do so.
I pleaded with father Paul to send home the guests after i served them some bread, and cheese, cheese which i bought leaving me with just enough coin to buy bread for the next week. Looks like I'll be hoping that the goat gives some milk or that among the three hens we have one will lay an egg.
As soon as I served the bread and cheese, i went into the bedroom Mama and i used to share, which i guess now belongs to me.
I laid in the bed, and closed my eyes. But i couldn't help the tears that came. All i could see was Mac's smiling face, and a contrasting picture of her lying on this same bed in her last days. Looking so frail, and as pale as a ghost.
I cried and cried, until i could cry no more, and then i drifted into dreamless sleep.
I woke up, the next morning feeling exhausted. And i made the decision to not cry anymore for Mama. Because i knew she would not want me to cry too much.
I set myself to the task of cleaning the house and putting things to rights. I came across mama's belongings, and i set them aside so that i could explore later.
I then headed into the nearby forest to hunt for herbs. I had told mama that we could dig up the wild herbs from the root and plant them in outer garden, so we would not have to go to forest very often, but Mama said she liked her trips to the forest, because they felt like adventure to her.
I sometimes felt like Mama had a very wild and adventurous side to her, one that had not been quite tamed yet. I decided that the herbs she would get i would plant.