Chapter 37
A week has passed yet the death of Mister Douglas and Augustus Bennett still remained in my very mind, haunting me.
The person I was before committing that sin was not me anymore. It's as if, Leo buried me along with Mister Douglas' and Augustus' corpses.
Leo barely left my side ever since it happened. Except when he went back to the town to inform the authorities about the death the Bennett family. The whole time he was away, I was paranoid.
It felt like something was about to happen. That they'll lock Leo in a cell and I'll never get to see him again because he told everyone he was the one who killed them, not me or perhaps, someone will come barging right into the door and interrogate me.
I cried in relief when Leo came home that night with lots of documents in his hands and an chocolate ice cream tub after only few hours of being away. He chuckled at me and assured everything went smooth. Of course, we ate the ice cream.
Leo, I can tell, is doing the best he can to help me forget about the murder. We tried going back to the town to buy some books but people there kept giving me such bad looks since it already spread around about what happened on the wedding and the death of the Bennetts.
"Murderer," I even heard one said while Leo and I were browsing for good books. His arms around my shoulders the whole time which made me felt like I am secured.
I knew Leo was about to do something about it, to confront the middle-aged lady who wore this fancy green gown and has a parasol on her hand but I stopped him. "Just let her be," was what I said. Besides, isn't it true.
Leo and I even went to the theatre but since it was field with rice people, all of them knew us. Some even attended the balls hosted back at the Bennett manor. Most of them, as far as I remember was invited to the grand wedding last week.
The whole time, I could feel their eyes on me as I forced myself to focus on the play. Leo, meanwhile could not take it anymore and rose from his seat before I could stop him and hollered, "Look one more time and I swear, you I will pull your eyeballs, "
With that, they minded their own business. As soon as me and Leo got home, we sat down on the bed, my tears fell down right away. It was Leo who comforted me once again. He tucked the hair behind my ears.
"Don't mind them. They're just jealous you look good in your wedding gown," he whispered to my ears which made me chuckle in between my sobs.
"And that you look pretty badass as a runaway-bride," he added using his playful voice. He then wrapped his arms around me to and placed his head on top of my shoulder.
"If only they've seen you with that butcher knife then they would be dying from jealousy, Clem," he then lifted me into his lap and now, my cheek touched his chest.
I jokingly rolled my eyes from him as he wipe away my tears using his thumb.
"Remind me to put that in a frame as a remembrance," I replied.
Martha, along with her two children and grandsons already got home last night. Right now in the living room, Leo is telling Martha what exactly happened that dreadful night.
Starting from Augustus almost raping me to me shooting the Bennett family. After that, I heard a shattering of a glass to where I am right now, hiding in the room upstairs. I have a strong feeling it was Martha who was , of course, surprised, perhaps disappointed as well on what I just committed. That I am, indeed, capable of murdering someone.
I was not there when it happened since I am ashamed of what I did. I cannot face Martha and take a glimpse of how the corners of her lips turned upside down as she avoids my eye contact. I cannot bear such sight.
I began walking around the room, clutching my white sleeping gown as I closed my eyes. How I wish I have a music to listen to because I badly want to not hear their conversation.
I tried reading but I was stuck in a single page because their voices can't escape from my mind.
After minutes and minutes of torture, silence took place. Finally, they're finished.
I let out a loud sigh as I closes the book and placed it on the wooden bedside table, my back facing the door.
Suddey, I heard the opening of the door. It's Leo, that am sure. I knew the sound of his footfalls. I know it seems utterly ridiculous but it's the truth.
I remained at my solid position and stared at the splendid view outside. "What did she said?" I still asked despite the fact I knew exactly what she just commented.
Leo, removed his shoes and sat on the bedside with me. We are only inches apart from one another.
"That she doesn't blame you and completely understand why you did it," he lied.
Of course, that's not what she said. I heard her saying that Leo was lying, that he must got it all wrong since I will do no such thing and when Leo insisted on what occured, she just fell silent and there, everything went quiet.
Leo, last night, suggested that we'll confess what really happened that night together but it'll be him who murdered the Bennett family instead, not me.
Of course, I badly want to agree to his plan since never do I want to change how Martha look at me but I came to a realization that she deserves the truth. If she plans on leaving me then leave. Sure, I'll be awfully sad and cry for days and days but that's how it is. I cannot force someone to like me.
Besides, I don't want Leo's good image put into waste just because of him, shouldering the sin he did not committed in the first place. That seems so wrong and unfair. Never would I want Leo to suffer.
"That's good," I replied to Leo, letting him believe that I just bought his lie. I understand why he's lying. That the least thing he wanted was for my feelings to get hurt.
"Yeah..." Leo then shrugged and lay down on my lap, when I looked down on him, he gave me a little smile.
There was silence after that. None of us spoke.
Running my fingers through his thick jet black hair, he need a haircut, by the way. "How did it the other day go?"
Leo closed his eyes, for almost a week now, he did not bothered wearing his black eyepatch even during how shirt visits to the town. "It was chaotic at first, obviously. The folks at the bank knew I have something to do about the death of the Bennett family since the whole town was aware what occured at the wedding. Me, attacking with a gun. I don't really blame them. However, don't worry, Clem. I told them what really happened. Well, except the shooting part. I told them that I found a carriage near our house and when I looked down on the hill, there I saw their lifeless bodies,"
I let out a soft sigh, "Did they believe you?"
Leo chuckled for a second before uttering, "Eventually, they did since they knew accusing me of the tragic death of Bennett family and finding no logical evidence can rotten their image which may lead to bankruptcy of their bank. I told them that despite my little feud with the Bennett, when I saw their bodies on the hill, it was I who buried them on our backyard along with my parents. Of course, Mister Douglas forging my parents' will was showed as well. The mention of that, it somehow made them soften. Right after, they finally arranged the transfer of properties to my name,"
" That's great, Leo. At least, now, you have your fortune back," I exclaimed.
"To be honest, it was not all about fortune. It was about getting what parents' worked hard for," Leo replied and let out a huge yawn as I kept brushing his hair off.
"Of course, I gave Jacob Bennett, Judy's husband what the Bennett family worked hard for. I only got what's truly mine, what my parents actually owned and not the dirty money," he added as he scratched his facial hair. He still hasn't shaved, for the record.
"Do you plan on being Santa Claus this Christmas?" I jokingly said which made him straightened his position and looked at me.
"I'll shave it next week, I promise. Besides, didn't you said it was sexy? Stay true to your word, Clem!" he said, shaking his head, a playful smile planted on his lips.
Shrugging, "To tell you the truth, mister. It tickles me," then avoided his stares.
I then felt him gently yet quickly grabbed my jaw, now we are only inches apart. I could feel his breathing on my face which made me chuckle.
"Like this?" and there, he kissed me passionately on the lips. His hands still planted against my jaw, me bending to his face.
"I still not a fan of the beard, Leo," I uttered, rolling my eyes heavenwards.
I then laid my head on the bed, his head still on my lap. I stretched my arms across the bed, yawned.
"I have something to tell you, Clem. Well, Jacob told me about what they found in one of Mister Douglas' warehouses in the country and it turns out, the time machine was there and it's ready to be used," he quietly said, he then laid beside me and draped his hand across my waist.
At the mention of time machine, my heart began to race pretty fast. Should I tell him that I now need to go? That I miss my Grandpa? But I just can't bare the idea of leaving him.
I have one question lingering on my mind but chose not to ask it. To my surprise, Leo must've knew what I am thinking because he tightened his grip around my waist and said in the most sad voice ever, "and it's ready for you to use,"
Leo looked at me straight in the eyes. "I was about to tell you about it as soon as Jacob told me but then, when I got home that night, there I saw Augustus, his hands all over you and with them almost killing you. I knew I cannot bear the lose you. I just can't Clem and so I did told you about it. Believe me, for the whole week, I tried telling myself to man up and just said it all for once. I was so, so close to telling you about that goddamn time machine last night but then, you were in my arms, smiling like an angel and so, I told myself, it could wait. But now, I just can't take it anymore and so, finally, I am telling this to you right now, Clem,"
I remained speechless. I just stared at Leo. On how he struggle as he confess to me. As he kept searching at my face for some emotions. To know if I am angry, disappointed or happy at what he just said.
"I'll leave first thing in the morning," I murmured and with that, Leo caress my cheek.
"Don't do this, Clem, please," I could see tears forming in his eyes. Believe me, I am so close to crying but am forcing it to not fall down.
"I need to, Leo. I miss Grandpa. He's all alone out there," I replied as I felt him tightened his hug around me more.
"But I'll miss you. I have no one, Clem. Please, just please," he pleaded and seeing him like this, I just can't bear it.
"Forgive me but my task here is done. Now, I need to go back to Grandpa. He's expecting me,"
"Then will you promise to go back to me?" He asked, his voice hoarse.
I don't know what to say. My heart and mind have different answers. Of course, I badly want to stay here. To marry Leo. To have kids with him. To grow old with him.
But I just can't leave Grandpa hanging. I know I have no life in the future. All I ever did was read books inside my room as I patiently wait for Grandpa's arrival every night. I have no friends.
But what about Grandpa? I love him, okay?
"I cannot promise you that, Leo," I confessed and with that, my tears betrayed me.
"Please, just promise me you'll return for I have nothing but hope," was what Leo murmured, still caressing my cheek and then wiling away my tears when in the first place, he has tears of his own to wipe.
"I don't wanna lie to you,"
"Please, just fucking say it," he insisted, his voice getting more hoarse. He's forcing himself not to cry. To remain strong.
But I remained silent. It's as if my heart is not breaking right now. It's as if my tears are not constantly falling down. It's as if I am perfectly okay.
"I love you, Clementine Wright. I fucking love you,"
Perhaps, yesterday, or maybe a while ago, I would be jumping in joy at what Leo just said since I finally confirmed he reciprocated my feelings but now? It just hurts me more than ever.
Now, I have to leave him knowing there are what-ifs. What if I stayed here and confessed what I truly felt about it as well. What if...
"Don't do this, please," I cried in his arms.
"But I fucking do. I confess, I am not good at this stuff. Words often fail me but believe me when I say that you mean the fucking world to me,"
"No, Leo. You'll eventually meet someone who truly deserves you and I am not that person. I am unworthy," I murmured as I slowly removed both my hands around his body but before I could do that, he stopped me.
"Someone who would wake up beside you for the rest of your life through ups and downs. Someone who will not get tired at the sight of your face, at the sound of your laugh, at your countless fake coughs, at your excessive sweating, at your cute blushing, at your warmth hugs, at your kisses, at your-" I did had the chance to finish what I am saying when I sobbed in front of him. I cannot take it anymore.
Call me whatever you want but I can't digest the idea of someone actually doing this to Leo. I don't want anyone to do that. I want it to be me.
"You're my first and last, Clem. Never would I love anyone other than you. Remember that," he uttered.
"it's better this way, Leo. Our world are not even meant to cross paths,"
Leo stopped at what I just said. He dared not to respond. He opened his mouth to say but no words fell out.
"I am sorry for breaking your heart, Leo. I really do," but Leo just nod at me.
"Could I ask you something one last time?"
I nod at him.
"Do yo-you love me?" He stuttered.
Of course, I do. I love you, Leo. I love you so, so much to the point it hurts but I can't tell it to you because I don't want to break your heart more.
Leo closed his eyes when he knew I am not replying. He looks so defwated. I've never saw him like this and it hurts me more to know that it's all because of me.
I am unworthy of his tears. Of his sadness. Of this feeling. I do not deserve him.
"Then would you please leave next week? Not tomorrow, not the day after that but next week?" He asked of me, his eyes still closed.
I gently placed my hands on his shoulders and said, "Okay,"
And with that, another tear fell down from his eye and wrapped me so hard to the point I could barely breath.
He planted a kiss on my cheek, "Thank you, Clem. I promise you will not regret it. I'll make it worthwhile. Memorable, somwthing you'll remember me by,"
I just gave him a sad smile and returned his hug.
With one look at his eyes, I told myself that this is going to hurt when it's all over.
---
Sorry if this chapter is pretty short, guys. Believe me, I tried making it somehow lengthy but I can't seem to add much. :)
Love you! :)