Regret
To be saddened or disappointed by something that has been done. That's the textbook definition of the word. Let me tell you my opinion.
Regret is when you realize you've lost something. It's when you're guilt has overcome you because of something you did or didn't do. It's when you lose something or someone based on decisions that you may or may not have made. I should have done more. Maybe less. Or at the very least done the best I could. But when even that isn't enough, all that is left is self doubt. Others blame you, no one is on your side. Time is suppose to heal wounds but that has become a lie. Time and time again the lie is repeated and regret is all I have.
Was it meant to be or was it all a fantasy. I've fabricated so many things in my head in order to justify or vilify those who oppose me and yet even when I am in the right regret lives within my heart. No happiness nor content is in me. Just turbulence. Pain is what remains and a shell no one cares for.
Regret is when you realized you were the fool all along. And it's realizing any action was the wrong one. Regret is that feeling that in the end you are all alone. And there is no path forward that is clear enough to dream. At least that's what it is for me.
...….
Tsula educates me on the new world I open my eyes to. A world where the living, the dead, extraterrestrial life, and mythical beings exist. It all seemed to come to me and never leave almost as if I knew all along that it was true.
Though you're probably wondering why I'm not freaking out about the time that is being taken up while I'm in this state. Well according to the large spirit fox that sits in front of me, being in this limbo allows me much time. As in no time in my realm passes while I am here.
First thing I learned is that I'm a Shaman and so are my brothers. We, my family and I, are descendants of the ancient spirit warrior that defeated under world long ago in ancient times past. Spirit Warrior is just a title for grand shaman or something like that. I also learned that as a Shaman I wield spiritual powers and can fight against dark forces that seek to harm my family and I.
According to my new furry friend, my brothers and I are all going through something similar at this point. A point from which we have to learn and make a decision on what to do moving forward. I have a decent idea on Bryan's next move. So I'll just follow suit and make sure Cal is alright. He's having a rough time with all of this. I barely see him these days so I don't know if he's really managing but I do know that the fright we all had back at the house spooked him the most.
"Tsula" I call to the fox. "I need to leave and find my brother Cal."
"Are you sure you're ready to leave?" She asks me. It's a good question.
I've learned a lot. I learned how spirits light and dark work. I also learned how to use my own spiritual powers.
Apparently spiritual powers are inherited from our ancestors but only a few. I can generate spirit energy, which is simple, but inherited techniques require talent and practice to use. Ghost rounds is my intrinsic skill . Any free spirit energy I gather, I'm able to load into my guns chamber and fire off. These rounds damage matter and spiritual matter alike.
Spiritual matter is made up of spirit energy. While it's similar to matter it's obviously not and the two normally do not make contact. But when spirits are in play the spiritual matter become more solid do to natural energies consisting of negative and positive energy. Negative energy forms into curses while positive energy forms into spirits that usually float around here.
"I'm sure Tsula. Thank you all." I look to her and all the other foxes in this spirit realm.
Tsula stands on all fours and nods at me.
"Go on. You should be able to leave now on your own."
Knowing and doing are two completely different things. I know I should be able to but…well let me explain. This world is mostly spiritual matter. But I'm here physically as well. So I think it's a mixture of spiritual and physical. Now to explain that. Ugh. Here we go.
Under normal circumstances physically existing matter and spiritual matter will not ever touch or meet. They're in the same world but exist in different ways. Almost like another dimension. Or rather think of gas particles. When you try to touch smoke or steam it tends to go around you right? Well you are technically touching.
Spiritual particles unlike solids has a lot of space in between allowing it to move freely. That being said, spiritual matter is much more complex. When solid matter tries to interact with it instead of freely moving it simply evades altogether. These two forms of matter cannot exist with the other unless there is something harmonious synching the two. Like a body to a soul.
A body is a complex system that is made to house the soul and uses spiritual energy to move the body. This is the natural form of spirit infusion that every living thing does. To cause spiritual matter and natural matter to collide this is when infusion occur.
Spirits tend to use infusion by attaching spiritual energy to solid objects causing them to float, heat up, cool down, or even change the shape of the object. They are instantly creating a spiritual nervous system to control a solid structure like a body. But this can destroy the existing spirit of the object.
Now that all of that is explained you probably understand how I can come and go as I please. This Limbo is practically a share space among spirits. Tsula calls it the Ether. It exists with our natural world so at any point I can use spirit infusion and open a door or rather walk back into my world with no problems. But spirit infusion is tricky.
"Alright here I go." I place my hand in open air as if turning the mob on a door and I walk forward. I no longer see the Ether World. But the street I was on before I went in.
Easy right? Well it definitely causes anxiety. Spirit infusion normally occurs when interacting with a physical object. To do this spirit users activate the already existing spirit energy in the object. By doing this the object is ready to receive spirit infusion and like a spirit the spirit user is able to manipulate the object. In my case, I simply activate the spirit energy in my gun and prep it to fire spiritual rounds.
Upon reappearing in our world or Middle World. I feel a dark presence in the area. I look around and still the street remains empty. I hear footsteps behind me and aim my gun. It was Aiden.
"Drake, we have a situation. Get inside and I'll explain." I nod and follow him back inside the precinct.
As I enter I notice all the on duty officers were rushing around and there's chatter of "incidents" flying back and forth.
"What's going on sir?" I ask Aiden. I follow him to his office waiting for an answer. He sits down and looks me in the eye.
"That thing that attacked your home is back. And it's stronger than before."
By thing he means what I believe to be The Dark.
"It's unleashed a Reality Marble that's causing Under World to leak into Middle World." See what did I say. I don't know what a "Reality Marble" is.
He stops talking and realizes my confusion.
"Didn't Tsula explain everything in the Ether?"
Since he's aware of my spiritual kidnapping…
"Yeah about that…" I started.
"You left when you learned spirit infusion"
"Yes I left" I was obviously frustrated. Thrown into situation after situation with no real explanation on why was getting rather annoying.
"Do you at least know how to use you intrinsic ability?" He played back in his chair looking at the ceiling with much annoyance. I guess we're both tired of something.
"Yeah." I sat down in the chair in front of his desk.
"Good" he leaned forward. "That means you're not helpless. And not helpless means useful." He stood up. Heading for the door "All you need to know is that there are dark spirits everywhere and they're feeding on souls in the city. Your partner Carson is already out there. I need you to back him up with cleaning up the-"
"Sir" I cut him off, "I have reason to believe my brother Carson is at the center of all of this."
He stops in his tracks.
"What do you mean?" He asks me
"Tsula told me that he was investigating the past of Seyuta with Luca and-"
"Gah" he cuts me off. "Alright if my idiot brother is involved then I know Cal is in the thick of it. I'll get my men to move as fast as they can. Help Carson and let him know to aid you. If you and my brother are with that creature then we may need the entire force to bring it down. It's obviously not just a spirit if it's used a Reality Marble so we're gonna need to regroup and focus on hitting it hard." He he continues out. I get up and follow.
"Move out Detective and stay alive" I nod and leave. Jumping into my car and heading towards where he told me Carson was.
Gotta say I love my odds of fighting dark spirits.
Natural existing spirits give off spiritual energy which I can draw from. My intrinsic ability is a naturally existing technique I discovered after learning this. It's unique to me and me alone. While I naturally generate spiritual ammo for my gun the longer I wait to load it the stronger the bullets become. While it's pretty simple for a naturally occurring ability it's pretty damn useful. And I don't lose anything from doing it. Not only that but the more I understand spiritual energy and the more experienced I become, the easier it is for me to pull off spirit techniques.
Now that I've given that explanation I need to say something much more alarming. I am still not confident I understand this at all. It seems like there's an entire system to all of this. A system I am just being brought into. And anything I don't know could come and destroy me. Or worse…but none of that matters because I still know more than my younger brother. And when I get Carson that's exactly who I'm going to save. I just hope it isn't too Late. I have nothing but regrets. I should've been there for Cal when I could've but I couldn't have a conversation about something I didn't understand. Now that I do all I can have is regret. But I will move forward and pray I don't have anymore regrets to come from this situation. May God be with you Cal. Your brother is on his way.