- Isaac ! Where are you hiding ? cried Louise from the middle of the garden.
Louise was my nanny.
She often babysat me when I was little since no one could.
- Ah, you don't want to tell me where you are hiding? OK very good. I'll leave you, I'll go shopping and come back!
I quickly got out of my hiding place.
- Noooo Louise don't go! I said running, trying to catch up with her.
- Please, I don't want you to leave otherwise I'm going to be all alone and you know that I don't like to feel left behind. I muttered.
- But obviously I'm not going to leave you all alone in this big house.
I played with you, just like you played with me.
- Tell me Louise, I have a question ... I said with downcast eyes.
- I'm listening to you honey.
- Am I really impossible to love? I asked him seriously.
- But of course not my darling why are you asking me this question?
- But then why is everyone abandoning me? I say with teary eyes.
For a moment she didn't answer me but she looked me in the eye for a few seconds. I did not understand why.
Was she hiding something from me I didn't know existed?
- I am not abandoning you Isaac and I will never abandon you.
Okay ?
I didn't know what to say I just nodded.
She gave me lots of different nicknames every day.
When I woke up I saw her preparing breakfast for me.
It was like a second mom to me.
She babysat me, walked me around, took me to school, cooked me food, showered me, dressed me and always tucked me in telling me stories I all knew by heart but I loved it when she read them to me .
She was calm, gentle and caring.
When Tom came home from work he would drive her home and when he came back he didn't even pay attention to me.
He never said hello or good night to me.
He knew absolutely nothing about me whether it was a question of my tastes, of what I would like to become later. Nothing.
He only knew my birthday and gave me a basic gift with a simple cupcake for dessert.
My favorite was a good hot pancake with nutella and to accompany the good whipped cream, but I had no right to complain.
When I had just turned ten I was super happy, for me ten years meant that I was getting tall ...
That day my father-in-law told me.
- Isaac tonight I have an appointment with some colleagues and they will take their children with them so tonight you will come with me.
I warn you if you dare to say something wrong I'll make you pay dearly. he said firmly.
It was not a question, nor a request it was an order.
He would never take me to a party with his colleagues if their children weren't there.
That evening, Tom's colleagues told him that I was a very good boy and that he was lucky to have me.
Tom played the proud "daddy" of his "son" but no one saw the man behind this so called nice daddy.
Of course, everyone ignored her that I was her stepson.
If only he could be nice to me at least that!
He would then speak up and say.
- My dear friends, today is my son Isaac's birthday and I have a present for him.
What? A gift ? What do you mean ?
- Wow ! Happy Birthday Isaac we wish you the best! Tom's colleagues asked me.
I was in shock, the only things he had given me for my birthdays were mini cars or plastic figures.
That was all.
I didn't expect him to give me a present in front of his colleagues at all, it was a first!
He handed me a simple red box, what was inside? I wondered with a smile.
I opened the box and ...
I looked down as quickly as when I opened it.
I did not know what to say.
What had I imagined myself?
That suddenly he would become a perfect father-in-law who accepted his step-son overnight?
His colleagues would tell me then.
- So what is it ?
What was I going to be able to invent?
- I'm sorry, but it's very personal. I lied very disappointed but obviously I did not show it.
This was my birthday present for my tenth birthday.
Besides, his writing was not great, he could at least make the effort but no.
I got in the car, and Tom asked me.
- So my boy is your present no longer? he asked me with a mocking smile.
If I could I would kill him or worse yet I would make him suffer like he made me endure all that.
He noticed that I didn't want to answer him in the face of this ridiculous question, so he continued to piss me off even more.
- But what ! Stop it was not so bad! I'll tell you, I think it was the best of all! he said, taking a giggle solo.
You are probably wondering why I am not talking about my mother.
Well actually there wasn't much to say about him.
She had married this Tom whom I hated with all my heart.
My real father, I had no idea who he was or where he was hiding.
Maybe he had remarried? Run away from this city? Dead?
I knew absolutely nothing about it.
Anyway, it wasn't today that I was going to ask to have a father by my side if he had never tried to see me or contact me.
I just knew my mom was gone. No, she was not dead, well, that was what this psychopath of a father-in-law had told me. But growing up I didn't know whether to believe it or not.
I had tried to look for her but I had not found anything on her.
I didn't have too many memories.
The only thing I only remembered was that one day she took me to the zoo, I screamed when I saw the lions so she hugged me and I held her very tight .
I still remembered his scent of jasmine.
And then she dropped me off at the house. She had quarreled with Tom and she was gone. For real.
It was all I remembered.
I told myself that if one day I would see her I didn't think I would be able to recognize her but that she did.
Because ...
Because when she was gone I was really little.
But after all, could a mother not recognize her son?
Yes ?
I still had a little hope of maybe being able to find her ...
***