When I woke up that morning, I was sweating all over the place.
I had the impression that my heart was going to let go because it was beating so fast!
It was practically that every morning and night, so nothing to worry about. Well, it was more for me not to worry but if I told this to strangers they would really take me for a retard who found it normal.
The truth, I did not find that understandable, not at all. It was just that I was used to it.
I hadn't had any dreams or nightmares.
It was true, since I was fifteen I didn't remember any of my dreams or nightmares ...
I even went to see a psychologist who told me that it was not normal and that she had never heard this problem in other children before.
I then stopped seeing her. She wasn't a psychologist who was going to make sure that as soon as I woke up I could remember everything I dreamed of.
I certainly did not believe in all this nonsense! And especially on the internet!
And then, it was not like this that I had become crazy to bind or that I had fallen into depression, not because I could assure you it I had all my head well!
For a while, I tried to figure out why I couldn't get to sleep, why I woke up like this every day.
But the result : nothing at all.
After reflection, I had wondered if it was the horror films I watched the day before that had this effect...
So, I had stopped watching those films there, but it was always the same the next day.
Then I had completely stopped watching movies or series even if they were pink water and you know the result...
Abby had told me that she too often couldn't sleep, but that had happened to her only once.
I had of course spoken to my mother who had told me that it happened to everyone. We turned around a hundred times in our bed, we counted and recounted the sheep, we tried to do meditation to concentrate on our breathing, seeking in vain for sleep. We closed our eyes but opened by themselves and it was off again for a ride...
I had looked on the internet for the insomnia I was having and they were all saying the same thing.
"Like all insomniacs, we have the feeling of being alone, very alone.
Insomnia can be due to stress, anxiety or alcohol abuse etc. "
Blah blah blah...
Alcohol ? I didn't even drink it. The only times I had drunk it was at parties with friends.
But what were they talking about ? I was neither anxious nor stressed precisely, all the negative things that happened to me I tried to transform them into positive!
So why couldn't I sleep?
And what had happened when I was fifteen?
Nothing had changed in reality.
At least I thought.
Dring dring dring
The alarm clock rang.
Oh no.
When it was time to sleep I didn't sleep, and when it wasn't, I wanted to sleep? What next ?
Well, I really had to get up or I was going to be late for school.
I really hoped this day would be better than the last that was all I asked for!
- Hi honey. Slept well ? my mother asked me.
I loved it when she was in that mood, I preferred her better for sure.
- Hello Mom ! Yeah, how are you?
- It's okay, I slept like a baby.
Besides today if you want I can come and get you. What time do you finish?
- Ah uh yeah that's cool ! I finish at 4:30 pm if you can't worry but tell me now to know if I take my bike or not...
- Yes it's good I can at that time.
Go I wish you a good day and work well above all !
- Okay. Kiss see you later !
Since I was at Cp my mother always told me this sentence "works well." I wasn't going to play after all.
When I got to class, I noticed that Victoria had come. Isaac had his back turned to face her because she was sitting behind him and I saw them quickly.
They seemed to be in such a captivating discussion that they didn't even notice I was there.
Super thank you friends ...
Of course I was talking more about Victoria because so far I didn't see Isaac as a friend at all.
But who knows ? I could just move on and start over.
I didn't want to get involved in their chat, but if I didn't do something that distracted them, they would think I had heard everything when I hadn't.
So I cleared my throat to let them know I was there. They turned around.
- Ah Emma ! How long have you been here ? she said surprised.
Well what was wrong with me?
- Did you hear anything of our conversation between me and Isaac ? she asked me strangely.
Why would I listen to their conversation?
It was not my kind of snooping around in other people's affairs.
- Uh no nothing, I just came. I blurted out as I sat down.
She was, I would say, relieved to know that I hadn't heard what they were saying.
I wondered what they could even talk about because it's true I was curious but hey not too much.
Isaac didn't speak to him.
Not even a "hello" or "sorry about yesterday".
Last night, I had completely avoided his message so maybe he had the right to hold a grudge.
This time, unlike the first day, the lessons were passing quickly.
I had had materials which passed at an incredible speed. Maths, languages, physics, chemistry etc.
Once outside, I looked around for my mother's car.
I finally found her.
- Hi. So did it go well today?
- The truth is not too bad. This day went by quite quickly.
- Do you have homework for tomorrow?
- No, not that I know why?
- So fasten your seat belt and let's go!
- Where's that mom? Where are we going ?
- Go shopping ! We will have fun ! she cried, accelerating.
- Very cool ! But Liam?
- Her boyfriend's mother asked me if he could sleep at her place because her son likes him a lot.
Believe me, he made a lot of friends, he is really very sociable...
In short, you understood that this end of the day is for us !
We had arrived in a just splendid place.
There were designer brand stores at fairly affordable prices.
My mom knew how to make me happy.
She bought me two dresses and a pair of Nike trainers.
I was really happy !
On the way home, she turned the volume on and we started singing like two morons in the car.
Fortunately there was no one with us otherwise she might lose her hearing.
Exhausted by this beautiful day, we decided directly to go to sleep.
***