Helios entered the club room; his hands were shaking to the point that he couldn't even properly hold his bass. He bit his lip to calm himself, [I can't just hide forever, besides.] Helios held his hand. [Just say it Helios.] Helios brushed his brown hair with his fingers to cool down.
"I have something to say!" Every one of them stopped whatever they were doing. They all looked at Helios. [Shit, they all are looking at me.]
"I'm gay!" [There I finally said it.]
Helios looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone after he came out while everyone was speechless. Helios, the guy who usually just sits silently in the corner of the club room, suddenly talked to all the club members about a sensitive topic.
"I understand if you want to kick me out of the club. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
"No, wait! Helios!" Aron called him.
"We were just speechless earlier. We don't want you to leave. We accept you! You're like a family to us."
"He's right, Helios. We're in this band together for three years, come on," added Olivia.
"Thank you, guys." Helios let out a small smile, then a laugh.
"Let's start the rehearsal then." The members took their instruments.
"ONE, TWO, THREE, GO!" yelled Aron as they played the instruments like they always do.
"That's enough for today. Let's clean first before we go home." Aron announced.
"Finally!" Alexandra groaned in relief.
"Hey, senior! Can you help me a bit with my bass?" Drake asked Helios.
"What's wrong with it?" Helios asked in return.
"I can't tone it," Drake said.
Elixir picked up his things "I'm done. I'll go now."
[I wonder how he knew that he likes guys. What if I like the same sex too?]
Elixir wondered by himself in the hallways to his dorm, questioning his sexuality.
[I'm just overthinking it.]
He scratched his hair in frustration before entering his dorm.
"What's wrong with you?" Jaden, his roommate asked.
"Do you know anyone who is gay?"
"I didn't know you're into guys now. I know a few, I can set you up if you want." Jaden proposed.
"The fuck are you saying?" Elixir said as his brows met.
"You are not looking for a date? That's new."
"Why would you think that I'm looking for a date?"
"Well, I don't know. It just feels like you were."
"Whatever." Elixir threw himself on his bed.
"Hey, Jaden. One of my seniors just came out as gay earlier."
"So?"
"I was wondering how he realized that he likes guys." Said Elixir.
"I don't know, maybe he tried it with other guys, or he fell... in... love? don't know." Jaden shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't talk now, the game has started" Jaden put on his headset.
Elixir stood up and said to himself, "Whatever, I'll just go wash."
The water fell on his body. Elixir keeps trying to distract his mind and think about other things, but it just makes him think about it more.
"Why am I even thinking about this!" he said in frustration.
The sound of the running water stopped; Elixir slowly came out of the shower. He took one of the towels to cover the lower half of his body, and another one to dry his hair.
"You're still frowning? You know, if you are so curious, why don't you just go and ask your senior? You can ask him whatever you want to know."
Elixir didn't answer Jaden and just covered himself with a blanket.
Helios sat in front of his desk, writing a song. "Urrggg, this sound like shit." He tore the page and threw it in the trash bin.
[It's getting late, I should just try again tomorrow.] Helios got up from his chair to go to bed;
His eyes closed. The room is dark and quiet, yet somehow his mind is still wandering somewhere.
[I can't sleep.] Helios tried to find a position that he is comfortable with, but he still can't sleep.
"I'll just go for a walk." Helios decided. He went down the building for a walk, thinking that it would exhaust him.
"Helios?"
He looked behind him. To his surprise, Aron is also outside, "What are you doing outside at this hour?"
Helios was quiet for a while [What should I respond?]
"Nothing, I just can't sleep." He hid his hands in his pockets as they started to sweat.
"Oh, you also can't sleep. Me too. But you look like you really need some sleep.
"I mean you always look like you're sleepy." Because of Helios' eyes, his expression always looks like he's sleepy.
"Yeah... So, what are you doing outside?"
"Huh? I just said I also can't sleep."
[What the F*CK is wrong with you!!] Helios's face became slightly pink. Luckily, it was dark outside, so it wasn't noticeable.
"You did? so- sorry, I didn't hear."
"Do you want to walk together?"
"Sure." [Stay chill. Helios don't think too much about it]
At this point even his ear and neck are pink.
They both walk around the building for hours talking about the contest that they are going to participate in and the other ones they participated in
"Oh, Helios do you remember the first contest we participated in? When we were just first years. One of our seniors got into an accident then, you volunteered to sing. Now that I think about it, it was the first time I heard you talk and sing. When I talk to you, you would just nod, sometimes you'll even ignore me."
Helios just listened to Aron with a smile. Aron laughed,
"Let's go back inside, it's getting late."
"Good night, don't stay up too late."
"Yeah, you too."
Helios went back to his bed; he hid inside his blanket. "How can I sleep like this?" he listened to his heart's loud beats; his stomach also had some tingly feeling.
"What's wrong with me?!"
"Elixir, can you also help me with this? I can't understand it."
asked a classmate. Elixir looked at it,
"Oh that one is easy, here let me teach you."
Elixir always teaches his other classmates, even though he knows that they're not listening to him.
[Why are they even asking me to teach them when they're not even listening to me?! I'm just wasting my time.]
Elixir saw Helios walk past their classroom.
[My ticket to freedom, maybe I can also talk to him.]
Elixir stood up from his chair and the girls that were flocking around him had been pushed aside.
"Senior! Please wait for me!" Helios continued to walk away. Elixir runs faster trying to catch up to him.
"Are you going to the club room? You don't usually walk here," said Elixir while trying to catch some air.
"The stair in the other hallway is close."
The awkward tension is so heavy, but Elixir seems to be the only one who is feeling it.
[It's so quiet. I want to ask him how he found out that he's gay, but I don't know how to say it without offending him.]
"We're here." Elixir opened the door for Helios, but Helios just walked past the room and him.
"I'm going somewhere else," Helios said.
Elixir blankly stood next to the door. After some seconds, Elixir went running after Helios.
[He's following me again. What the hell does he want from me?] Helios thought.
Helios walked even faster, then he quickly closed the door of the rooftop. But Elixir is much quicker, his hands held the door,
"Why are you running away from me senior?"
[You're literally chasing me! What do you fucking expect me to do!]
"Just leave me alone!" Helios shouted.
"But I want to get closer to you senior." Elixir pushed the door; with that sudden impact of force, Helios got push-off, Elixir also lost his balance and fell on top of Helios. They both looked at each other before Helios kicked Elixir off him, "Ouch, that hurts!" exclaimed Elixir.
"What's wrong with you?!"
Elixir stood up and offered his hands to Helios to help him stand up. Helios ignored it and stood up on his own. "Why are you running after me anyway?"
"I just ran after you because you were running away, senior. But I really just want to talk to you about something." Elixir explained.
"What is it?"
"How did yo-" RINGGGG
"The bell rang, I'll go now." Helios patted Elixir's shoulders then went out of the rooftop.
"But what about my question senior?" Again, Elixir was completely ignored.
"I'll just ask you next time then."
[What the hell is wrong with that kid, who is he anyway? Am I supposed to know him? Did I meet him somewhere and forget about it?]
"Oh! Helios! Where have you been, where did you go earlier with Elixir?"
"Huh? You know that kid Aron?"
"You don't remember him?! He is the drummer of our band."
[Oh, that's why he looked so familiar.]
"Oh, okay."
The teacher entered their classroom, and then their class started.
Elixir stared into space, with just a blank mind.
"Hey, Elixir," Alexandra whispered from the back,
"What?" he whispered back.
"Can you tell Aron that I can't come to practice later?"
"What no! Tell him yourself, and besides, you can't just skip practice. The contest is near, and you're our only Electric keyboard player."
"I promise this is really important. Besides the competition is a month away"
"Miss Alexandra and Mister Elixir. If you're just going to talk in my class instead of listening, just get out."
Both were thrown out of the classroom.
[What should I do now, yeah, I remember I lost my handkerchief. I should look for it to kill time.]
Elixir looked for his handkerchief everywhere.
"Where the fuck did I lose that shit?" Elixir groaned.
"Yeah, I went to the rooftop earlier." Elixir ran to the rooftop to look for his handkerchief.
He slammed the door open; Aron stood on the rooftop shocked. The stick of cigarette between his fingers dropped down to his shoes then to the floor, he stepped on it to try to hide it.
"What are you doing here, Elixir?"
"I'm just looking for my handkerchief. Have you seen any?"
"Oh, here. I picked it up earlier. Isn't your class still discussing?"
"The Teacher caught me and Alex (Alexandra's nickname) talking. Oh, and Senior, Alex asked me to tell you that she can't come to the rehearsal later."
"Again? What is it about this time?"
"She didn't tell me anything, she just said that it's important."
"Oh, and Elixir... about earlier. You didn't see anything ok?"
Helios sat in their class. He usually just writes songs or sleeps while in class, but he just really can't understand math. So, he forces himself to listen and stay awake.
[I wonder what Aron's doing. No, I need to focus.]
He keeps writing down whatever the teacher says that he thinks is important.
The class is finally done.
[I just want to eat till I die!]
"Helios, let's go." his lifeless mood turned around when Aron arrived, although his facial expression didn't change.
"We also have company." Elixir waved at him.
[What the hell is he doing here?]
"Let's go." Helios walked next to Aron.
"What are you going to eat, Helios?" asked Aron.
"I'll just order what you order."
[Why does his voice sound different when he's talking to Senior? No, it's his tone.] Elixir wondered.
Elixir sat beside Helios and Aron.
Helios and Aron keep talking to each other, forgetting to even care about Elixir's existence. Elixir just rested his head on his arm and occasionally blew off his blond hair that fell on his face.
[This is so annoying; I feel bad for myself.]
"I finished my food; I should go now. Goodbye, seniors."
"Bye."
[In the end, I did not have a chance to talk to senior. I feel so annoyed.]
"Brooo!!!!What are you doing here? Don't you have a cafeteria on the other side of the building?" JB, their electric guitar player asked.
"Hey Elixir, want to eat with us?" Added Drake, a bass player like Helios.
"I already ate with the seniors."
"Awww, eat with us next time, okay? Come on Drake, let's call Maria." And Maria, their other Vocalist.
JB wrapped his hands around Drake's waist.
[I feel so alone.]
Elixir walked through the hallways. "Oh, it's the club room. I might as well go inside."
JB sat beside Drake, "Why don't they want to eat with us?!"
"I'm already here, we don't need another one."
"Fine, I'm acting just like a little kid," said JB which made Drake laugh.
"Don't laugh! Can I have some of your fries?"
"You have yours."
"But I already ate mine."
"I don't care this is mine." JB took some anyway, and that made Drake annoyed.
"Hey give that back!"
"Come get it from my mouth." JB put out his tongue.
"Put your tongue back! You disgusting bastard! I'm leaving!" Drake stood up ready to leave.
"If you stay, I will buy you more fries later~" Drake stopped,
[This rich bastard.]
"Fine, I'll stay." He sat back down,
"Yey~" JB wrapped his hands around Drake's waist then rested his head on his shoulders.
"Don't leave me, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Now, let go of me."
"You're so cold to me Honey~"
Drake pushed him away, then JB hugged him so it would be hard for Drake to push him away. "If you won't let go, I will really leave." Everyone looked at them.
JB let go of him, and they both sat there awkwardly.
"So... wanna get out of here Drake?"
"Let's go." They both left the cafeteria.
"What are they both doing?" Aron looked at Drake and JB fighting.
"Just ignore them, and act like you don't know them." Helios didn't even look at them and continued to eat
"They left. Let's go too, Helios. The class will start soon."
"Hey, Jaden." [Why is he bothering me again?] Jaden thought.
"What do you want now Elixir?"
"Let's hang out sometime."
"What's gotten into you now?" [Wait... Is he going to use me to experiment with his sexuality?!"]
"I- I- I suddenly remembered that I Ha- have something to do."
Jaden tried to run away from Elixir; Elixir pulled his hands. "Where are you going? Class is about to start."
"Ohh..." Jaden scratched his head and sat back in his seat.
"Uh, this class is boring."
"Hey, did you ask your senior?"
"No."
[This guy's hopeless, what can he do without me.]
"Just forget about it, it's not even important."
"Yeah, yeah."
[Well, I hope that really stopped him.]
"Well, then class dismiss, goodbye." They all took their things and went out.
[My phone's dead, I'll just go charge it before I to rehearsal.] Elixir went to the dorm, which is fifteen minutes' walk from their school. On the way out of his room, he bumped into one of his seniors.
"Oh, Elixir! I'm going somewhere for a bit; I promised Helios that I will pick him up. But it seems that I can't, can you pick him up instead? Thank you! Wait for me in the club room, OK?" Aron waved at him goodbye.
Elixir is a little annoyed but what can he do? It's not like he can say no to his senior.
"He could have just texted Helios that he can't pick him up. Well, at least I can finally talk to Senior alone." Elixir said to himself.
He looked at his wristwatch. "Why is he so late?" Helios murmured to himself.
"Hey, senior." Elixir greeted him. Helios looked at Elixir, " What are you doing here?"
"Leader, (Aron is the leader in their band) asked me to pick you up instead."
"Oh."
"He said he's just going somewhere, so let's just wait for him at the club room."
Helios just nodded. "Senior, I have a question."
"What is it?"
[It's that easy?]
"How did you know you are gay?"
"I don't want to tell you."
"Huh? Why?!" [ He was just being cooperative earlier]
"It's something personal. Why do you want to know anyway?"
"I'm just curious, and I'm also wondering if I am gay."
"If you are wondering, you could go to a gay club or something."
"Can you go with me?"
"No, I'm busy."
"Then do you know any gay club nearby?"
"Don't you have a phone?"
"I do."
"Then use it. And make sure to go to a club that is specially made for younger people, you're still underage."
"Yes, senior~"
"Talk normally." Helios looked at him with an annoyed look, Elixir pouted to tease his senior more.
They both arrive at the club room. "There's no one here. Where did they all go?"
"Let's just wait for a while."
Elixir started to be impatient, he looked at his watch to check what time it was.
[We've been waiting for at least 30 minutes now, it's already 4:12]
"Hey senior, I think there's no rehearsal today."
"Yeah." they both walk out of the club room,
"Do you want to eat dinner with me senior?"
"I don't have plans to eat dinner."
"Come on senior, I know lots of places. Just tell me what you want to eat."
"Fine, I want pork buns."
"I know a place, It's just near here." They both walk next to each other, no one talks but they both seem comfortable. [ I wonder why no one showed up today.]
"Hey senior, why do you think that they all did not show up today."
"I don't know, why are you asking me?"
"Well, I don't have anyone else to ask. We are the only ones here"
"Is this the place?"
"Hi Aunty, we will have two pork buns."
"Yes, just wait a moment."
They both sat down on the bench in front of the store.
"How much is my share?"
"Don't worry senior, I'll pay for this one."
"You don't have to. I have my own money."
"Don't worry, I just really want to treat you."
"Fine, do whatever the fuck you want."
"Here you go." The Aunty gave the pork buns to Elixir.
"Here's the payment, ma'am." Elixir gave the pork bun to Helios; the food seemed to lighten up Helios' mood. "Thank you."
"Let's go back to the dorm then."
[I'm finally back, I can rest now.] Helios went to his bed.
"You're late, Helios."
"Shut up Andrew, you weren't even here yesterday."
"Did you go on another "date" with your Aron?"
"No, I just went and ate with a freshman."
"Wow, you never hang out with a freshman before."
"So what?"
"Is he interested in you?"
"No! He is just curious about something."
"Ow, no fun. Well, good night then." Andrew turned off the lights.
Elixir closed the door, then went straight to his bed
"Jaden."
"What?"
"Want to go to a gay club?"
"No. Why are you even going there?"
"I'm going to, you know. Experiment."
"Did we not talk about this already?"
"Come on, just come with me. It would be awkward for me to go there alone!"
"Not my fault."
"Are you really my friend?"
"I'm still not going. But I can ask someone to go with you."
"Really? Thanks, man."
"Yeah, yeah." Jaden started his game.
A new player entered the server.
[It's been a while since a new player entered our server.]
"Hi guys!"
"It's a girl!"
"Hello, do you want to play with us?"
"Hi, LOLOLOL"
"A girl LOLOLOL"
[What are they all excited about, it's not like they never talked to a girl before.]
"Let's start the game." The game started,
[What the hell is she doing, we will lose if she keeps doing that!] Jaden keeps pressing his keyboard, he's so annoyed at the new player.
[What's wrong with her!] he opened his microphone,
"What are you doing?! We're going to lose because of you!"
"What do you mean bro?! She's just attacking the opponent?!"
"You call that attacking?!"
The game ended and obviously, they lost, [Ugh bullshit!] He furiously slammed his headset on his table. He took deep breaths and closed his eyes tightly
[Should just I call Cristine?] Jaden called Cristine. The phone rang, but no answer, he dialed, and again no answer.
[Whatever, I'll just go to sleep. Everyone is so annoying.]
Jaden laid down on his bed to finally sleep.