I could only stand there, contemplating how fucking stupid I am. I was completely stuck there while in agony, with my body feeling like it was melting. I didn't dare move... but as time got on and the pain got worse, a really dumb idea reverberated in my head, gnawing away at my remaining sanity.
"Just jump back in... Take the plunge."
But my feet remained firmly planted on the ground. I was terrified of any potential punishment I'd get. If my feet already felt like I was dancing on shattered glass, and my legs felt like constantly being struck by a sledgehammer, with a feeling like a nail is being lodged into my kneecaps, then what am I supposed to do?
I tried to cry out for help, but my voice once again failed to come out. I was terrified at this point, wondering if my body would hold.
The thought to jump back in became louder and louder.
"Safe and comfy and soft and not scary and-"
I couldn't help it, at this point, I had no way to stabilize myself, and going back slowly would be agonizing. So, I simply prayed that I wouldn't stay awake, slightly squatted, and jumped backward.
My feet at this point felt like they were sliced in half with an axe. I yelpedsoundlessly as I braced for impact, but the moment I hit the bed, as every neuron in a brain and every sensory part in my body flared up, I lost consciousness immediately from having that much pain.
I wish I could just go back home...
...
...
I felt my conscious drifting.
Did I die again? This quickly?
But it didn't feel like before. I could think more easily at least, I could also still hear. Though there was only a silent ambience to be found.
I only became concerned as a sense of feeling also slowly came back to me. The thumping pain worsening with every second.
And the worst part is I couldn't do anything about it. Nothing responded, I couldn't do anything at all to change it.
So I kept trying and trying as the pain worsened, and I finally could feel the entire brunt of the pain, and regret not having killed myself the moment I woke up in this life.
Time passed as the pain worsened.
"I wanna fucking cut off those fucking legs and fucking die already!"
But however much I agonized nothing would happen...