Chapter 29
The Middle of Nowhere
Sofya
I spotted our makeshift camp and dove down. "Lucy!" I screeched. I looked around frantically and gently placed Ash on the pile of leaves and blanket. Lucy came running over and gasped. "Heal him!" I shouted, like a lunatic.
Nico and Maxon came running over. When they got too close, I snarled at them. "Back off." They took a few steps back after seeing my expression. Lucy knelt down and grabbed medical supplies from her pack. She slowly pulled the dagger out, then pressed her hands to the wound, healing it with her magic.
Three agonizing hours later she finished closing the wound. After wrapping the wounded area I got Ash a new shirt to hide the scars from Sam. I made sure no one had seen them. He wouldn't want the others to know. Lucy assured me multiple times throughout the past hour that he would live but I still couldn't calm down.
"Sofya I healed him, he will be fine." She whispered soothingly in my ear. I nodded, still shaking and trembling. Nico took my hand, sending pulses of magic through me to calm me down. It was helping, sort of. Maxon softly rubbed my shoulders. More tears rushed down my face. I was so lucky to have such great friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.
Lucy, Nico, Maxon, Ash. Each in their own way won a place in my heart. One of my favorite quotes was "Friends are like stars, sometimes they are far away but they are always there." Even if our paths lead us astray, we would always stay friends. I couldn't bear it otherwise.
A bit later the others got up and walked over to the fire, I had insisted. I just wanted to be alone right now. Ezmia scampered over and sat in my lap. Hey Ez. I told her in my mind. She nuzzled my face, trying to cheer me up. I couldn't be happy knowing this was my fault.
This was why I could never love someone. I always ended up losing everyone. I had lost my parents and all my friends. I couldn't let anyone else in or it would destroy me. I had allowed myself to care for Enzo, Sara, and now Nico, Maxon, Lucy, and Ash. What had that gotten me? Nothing but pain.
My heart, splintered. I could never let someone fully in, that was something that could never change. I petted Ezmia's back, running my hand along her smooth scales, letting her know she had helped. Then I placed her on the ground and she ran back to play with the other neria.
An hour or two later of sitting in silence. I looked around, it must have been late, the sky was pitch back. Everyone had gone to sleep, but me. I realized I was still in my real form. I shifted back to my human form, not caring to examine it now. Not that I could see much anyway. I didn't have a mirror. Exhaustion fell over me like I was hit by a battering ram. Ivanna hadn't been kidding when she said our human form was weaker.
Ash still hadn't woken yet, but Lucy had said that when healing large injuries it takes longer to recover. I ran my hand through his silky ebony hair. It was my fault he got stabbed. It was my fault he almost died. We would be better apart, I saw that now.
As soon as I had seen the field I should've ran away, not stupidly stood there like an utter idiot. I also should have remembered that apollyon had paralysis magic. Even when I thought Ash was going to betray us, which he still might do to save his brother. I didn't want him dead, though. To never again see him again would be almost unbearable, to never see the twinkle in his eyes when he sees his friends happy or his rare smiles.
I liked him. I could admit to that, but I could never love him. We just weren't meant to be. What's broken couldn't become whole. A shattered mirror will stay broken, you can't put the pieces back together. Even if you tried it would never be the same.
A few tears slid down my face. I let my thumb slide over his lips, they were so soft. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, he tasted of honey. I pulled away, that was probably the last time I would ever kiss him. I needed to let him go.
I laid down next to him, he was warm and I was shivering in my blood-soaked clothes. I took my jacket and shoes off. Lucy had healed most of the cuts and bruises I had gotten but they still hurt. Especially where I had gotten stabbed, and nothing could stop the ache that had formed in my heart. I fought to keep my eyes open, but I couldn't and they slipped closed.
I woke up to the crackling of a fire. I didn't want to get up it was so nice and warm. The pillow I was laying on smelled like fresh mountain air and warm honey, wait a minute. I didn't bring a pillow and they definitely didn't smell that good. I cracked my eyes open. The "pillow" was Ash's arm and his other was wrapped around me, pulling me against his body. How in the world did that happen? I looked at his eyes. They were closed, he was still asleep. I closed my eyes and lay in his arms for a few minutes more. Perfectly happy with the warmth against the chilly air.
A little while later I carefully untangled myself from him and sat up. Nico and Maxon were attempting to cook a fish over the fire. They looked like they were struggling, the fish was turning completely black. I smirked. Those two were hilarious. Lucy saw that I had awoken and walked over to me, a bright smile decorating her face.
"Morning love birds." She sang. I scowled at her.
"We are not lovebirds." Lucy cocked her head.
"Oh please, do you think I didn't notice you two all snuggled up together? I see you guys made up." She said crossing her arms over her chest.
"Well, um I was asleep." I protested weakly. We may have fallen asleep side by side but it meant nothing.
"Awww, that's even cuter." Lucy gushed "You two are meant to be." I frowned and turned around. I didn't have the strength to argue with her at the moment. Lucy skipped back to Nico and Maxon, the latter who was now shouting over their burnt fish.
After a hot debate, they decided to go looking for "better", and newly not burnt food in the totally not creepy woods, taking Lucy and the neria with them. Which left me alone with Ash. I sighed had Lucy not listened to anything I had told her before, we couldn't be together for a million different reasons. I turned back to Ash. His eyes slowly came open. I scooted closer.
"Ash?" I asked. It took everything I had to not go collapse in his arms. He slowly sat up and blinked, taking in the surroundings. Then looked back to me and a small smile tugged at his lips.
"Sofya." He said softly. I couldn't help it, tears started falling down my face. He noticed and reached out his arms and pulled me against him. I laid my head on his shoulder. "Why are you crying? Shh, Sof don't cry." He whispered in my ear. I almost laughed, but the tears kept falling. I was supposed to take care of him, not the other way around.
"I thought you were dead," I said quietly, lifting my head. He raised his hand and wiped the tears off my face.
"I'm not dead." He said, gently stroking my hair. "I can explain about the working for Alek thing, I." I cut him off mid-sentence.
"I know it wasn't by choice, you are a prisoner. Why didn't you tell me? I'm guessing Sam worked for him too. Am I right?" I asked, frowning, he should have told me. He shouldn't keep secrets from me, not ones like that. He looked me in the eyes, cupping my face.
"I wanted to protect you, the more you know the more danger you're in. I could never let you get in Alek's hands. Never let you get tortured the way I had been for the past eleven years. I thought not telling you and making you hate me was for the best." He said. I took his hand, smiling.
"I never hated you. I was just shocked and hurt. Ash, you saved my life. I could never hate you, but you should rest. You were just stabbed if you hadn't realized. You need to recoup" I said to him.
"We still have a long way to go." He said his eyes twinkled, but he didn't make any move to lay back down. "Actually I saved your life twice now, but who's counting." He said a breathtaking smile on his face. "How much do you remember from that day?" He asked. I closed my eyes briefly. Now, I remembered everything from that day. But mostly, how he saved my life, for the first time.
He looked into my eyes. A little shock was written on his face. "You remember everything?" He asked. Did he just read my thoughts? I nodded. How could I forget? "I certainly never forgot about you." He said. He picked up his wrist with the silver bracelet on it. "I made this the same day I found your necklace. So that when you left, we were still connected." I smiled. How had I not noticed before, it was the same gem as my necklace. Not exactly the same but close enough.
"We are connected in another way, remember," I said taking his hands, a shock of electricity strongly ran through my whole body, drawing me to him and lighting me on fire. Ever since the day we met and we touched, whenever we're near each other or were touching it felt this way. I was going to miss it once this was over.
I pulled away, shutting my feelings to the back of my mind. I couldn't imagine life without him. I didn't know what I was going to do, but we couldn't be together. Even if we were allowed to be together it was not a good idea. For the thousands of other reasons that complicated everything. He could've died and it would've been my fault. I didn't think I could handle it happening again. In the long run, it would be for the best.
I looked down, trying to hold back tears that were threatening to surface again. This was for the best. Repeat that some more why don't you. My inner voice quipped. I would no longer be a danger to him and I would eventually be okay, right? I felt warm fingers lift my chin up to meet Ash's eyes. Ash leaned closer, our lips were only centimeters apart. He was going to kiss me. I took a gulp, and with everything I had, I pulled away.
"Ash, we can't," I whispered, my voice hoarse. Hurt flashed through his eyes. I couldn't stand it anymore. I bolted.
I dashed back into the dark woods, getting whacked by the bushes. They cut into my skin making small gashes but I ran till I was out of breath. I found myself standing in a small clearing with a pond and sat down next to some rocks resting my back against a huge boulder.
I let the tears come. I sobbed till there were no more tears left to cry. I couldn't get his face out of my head. His hurt expression caused me. I would never let him get hurt again because of me, not his body, mind, or heart. We would go our separate ways and I would never see him again after we defeated Alek. No matter how much it hurt me. No matter if I never was ok again. It would be for the best. Maybe if you keep repeating it, you'll actually believe it.
I slowly stood up and glanced at the pond. I could use a washing. I took my clothes off, left my underwear on, and jumped into the water. It was cool and refreshing, only stinging the small cuts on my arms and legs.
I paddled through the water and turned around to float on my back. I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin. If only I could stay here with the peace and quiet. No psychotic demon, ridiculous prophecy, arranged marriages, or broken hearts.
After a while I washed up and put my bloody clothes back on, relaxing on the moss. I was unsurprisingly exhausted, and a few seconds later, the world disappeared.
I woke up to someone shaking me. Drowsily, I looked around to find Nico, Maxon, and Lucy standing in front of me. I lay back down on the soft moss. I didn't want to talk. Lucy slowly yanked me back up.
"We are talking about the situation whether you like it or not, we have all agreed that there is a problem and we are now going to sort it all out." Lucy declared. Nico and Maxon nodded in agreement. I groaned and raised my eyebrows for them to continue. I knew they'd keep pestering me if I refused, so might as well get it done with. I had made up my mind and I was going through with it. No matter what. It was the right thing to do. Nico cleared his throat, running a hand through his dark hair.
"Sofya what is going on between you and Ash? He's my best friend, but you are my friend as well and it displeases me when both of you are mopping and depressed. We all need to be prepared before we go to Elysium and you two need to get your acts together, to be honest." I opened my mouth, unsure of how to respond.
"Are you going to tell him what I say?" I asked. If he was I was most definitely not telling them anything. Ash didn't need to know I cared about him but we could never be together and that I was going to make sure of it if it was the last thing I did. Nico looked at me, completely changing his expression to something I have never seen on his face, seriousness. It was truly shocking. My mouth may or may not have fallen open.
"If you don't want him to know we won't tell him. I promise." I sighed, here we go. If we were to defeat Alek as a team, there couldn't be any secrets between us.
"Ok, don't tell him what I'm about what I'm going to say. It's for the best." I said, repeating my mantra out loud. You sound ridiculous. I don't understand why you don't man up and take control of your own destiny. It's your life. My inner voice chided. They nodded.
"Ash and I can never be together." I deadpanned.
"What!" Lucy screeched, her eyes bugging out of her head. Oh god, that had been suspected. Especially from Lucy since I told her how I had felt before. "What do you mean you can never be together! You two idiots both like each other, the whole world can practically tell! You belong together! What is wrong with you?" Lucy ranted, empathizing the never. Nico pulled her back, shushing her.
"Let her explain, Lucy. But Sofya, never? I am not blind." He said, narrowing his eyes. I gulped, serious Nico was starting to freak me out. I wanted his silly smirk and smile back. It wasn't as if I wanted this disaster to happen in the first place. It would have been a lot simpler if I hadn't been born. I didn't want to be responsible for holding the words together. I wanted a life, a normal one.
"Guy's first off, we can't be together because of the prophecy. Ash isn't the real guardian his brother is and I have to marry him. Second, even if I completely ignored the prophecy the council would come after Ash and kill him. Probably me as well. Thirdly, I watched him almost die, and, and" I choked, the tears had leaked out, streaming down my face.
I cleared my throat. "And it was my fault. I got distracted and he saved me. He jumped in front of me. If I hadn't gotten distracted it wouldn't have happened. I can never risk that again. Even if there weren't any complications of us being together I'm not sure I would want to. I would eventually get him killed. I'm his weakness. He could've died yesterday. Have you ever watched life slowly drain out of a person you care about knowing it was all your fault!" I said the last part turning into a yell.
I wiped the tears from my face. "I am doing the right thing! We can't be together. No matter how much it hurts and no matter if I will never recover!" I shouted, sobs wracking my body. It had to be this way. But why?
The others looked stunned, mouths hung open, and a few tears dripped down each face. They all rushed at me and enveloped me in a hug. I just sat there and cried in their arms. Why me? I thought silently. Why me?
"Sofya, we are so sorry," Lucy said, her eyes all puffy and red. I gave a weak smile.
"It's ok," I said quietly, but it was far from ok. Lucy shook her head.
"It's not, and don't pretend it is. We are here for you." She said, sitting next to me on the ground. She slung an arm around my shoulders. Nico and Maxon joined us, settling next to me on the other side and right in front of me.
"Do you love Ash?" Nico asked, he was gritting his teeth. He looked pissed. Which was kind of scaring me. I had thought serious Nico had been weird, this was a whole new level. But what was he mad for? Shouldn't I be the one pissed off, and screaming like a maniac. Not that I hadn't already done that already.
"No." I couldn't, I couldn't let myself love him. I didn't trust him anymore. I wasn't sure if I was ready to forgive him completely even though it wasn't all his fault. Everything was such a disaster but I knew for certain that I couldn't let him in like that. Nico let out a huge sigh, he looked very irritated. I wondered why, because Ash was his best friend? Or because I had hurt Ash?
Ash would be fine, he would get over this crush and move on. Me on the other hand, based on the huge gaping hole in my chest, not so much. I had already lost too much and this had been the final breaking point. Meeting Ash had started to fill the hole my parents had left, but now it was like what would have if a wrecking ball went through a wall. It left a freakin' ginormous hole. Having friends helped but they still didn't know the whole truth. Ash knew more about myself than anyone else but I had to let him go. Gathering myself, I stood up.
"We should go back. I'm pretty sure Ash is wondering where we all are. He's injured and before you all say something. I'm not changing my mind. Just because I can't be with him doesn't mean I won't be his friend for the little while we're still together. After we defeat Alek I will have duties and so will all of you.
I'm not planning on staying anywhere near Ash, it would be too painful but mark my words. We will get this done. We will kill Alek. I will be queen. Not one of us will be killed and everyone gets their happily ever after." I declared. Everyone but you. Yes, everyone but me. I kept trying to convince myself that I would be fine but we all know what a big lie that was.
We walked back to the camp in silence. Ash was asleep once we got there. I lay down on my makeshift bed next to Ash and gazed up at the stars twinkling in the midnight black sky. A bright flash shot through the sky, a shooting star. I quickly made a wish. Even though it was pointless I did it anyway. Silly me thinking a star could solve anything. I was hopeless.
I turned to the side laying my hands under my head but as I moved them I noticed something on the inside of my wrist. I twisted my hand to look at it and squinted. What the heck? I looked down, on my wrist there was a pearly white and midnight blue was Ash's name with white and blue swirls connected to what looked like Celtic knots.
Oh crap, what in the world was this? When had it happened? Then I remembered the burning on my skin after the battle with those demons and angels. I had thought it was just my wounds. I would have to keep this hidden, especially from Ash.
Once we headed to a town I was immediately finding a library to research what this was because I had no clue. I groaned, why was everything so complicated? I turned on my side, facing Ash. He was in a deep sleep, probably. He needed rest. After all, he almost died. Because of you.
I stared at him. He was too handsome to look at, like an angel from heaven. Long dark eyelashes, tousled ebony hair. I wanted to go check his wrist out but that would be a bit strange and awkward. Once this was over I was going to miss him. I was scared, not that I'd admit it to anyway. After all of this, I would be all alone, again. Abandoned, again.