Chapter 31
The middle of nowhere
Sofya
I woke up to the sunlight glaring in my face. I did not want to get up. I was still too tired. I squirmed around to the other side. I was pressed against something hard and warm. I cracked my eyes open a bit. I held in a groan, I was in Ash's arms, again.
How the heck did this keep happening? I tried to get out but he was too strong. I glanced around, everyone was still asleep, thank god. I didn't need them thinking I changed my mind, because I hadn't and I wouldn't. I relaxed. I would just pretend to be asleep, so everyone would just think we had accidentally rolled into each other, again. Yep, that would work. I took a deep breath and Ash's scent flooded my nose.
A tear slipped down my cheek, how was I supposed to do this. I remembered the mark on my wrist I had discovered yesterday, it was still there, I ripped some material from my shirt and tied it around so no one could see. I glanced down at Ash's wrists. There was no mark on one and the other was bandaged, probably from getting injured. I didn't think he had one. Well, at least when this was all over I would have this to remember him by. If we survived that is.
I closed my eyes and curled into a ball against Ash, it was a little chilly out so I was glad to be pressed up against him. He was nice and warm. I never wanted to leave his arms, he was the home I never had. Home. I had never considered a person could be someone's home but how I felt when I was with Ash was irreplaceable.
I woke up shivering. I turned to see Ash had gotten up and peered over at the campfire. Everyone was sitting around it talking quietly. I suppose I actually had to get up this time. I sat up and made my way over, plopping down next to Lucy, and avoiding eye contact with Ash.
"Hey Sofya, we were just talking about heading towards a town to get some supplies and clothes, since you and Ash look like you just stepped right out of hell. But other than that we need to get some more information. Enzo will be meeting us there. He was here a few hours ago but we didn't want to wake you and Ash." Lucy said with a grin. I perked up. Enzo? I hadn't seen him in months, I missed him.
"Um, ok," I said, brushing my hair behind my ear. Lucy stood up.
"Alright people, let's get this show on the road!" She said, grabbing her pack and gathering up the neria. Ezmia rushed to my side. I bent down and patted her head.
"Hey, girl," I muttered softly. She nuzzled my hand. I had forgotten that she could feel my emotions, not fair. I stood, and went and grabbed my pack. As I turned around I found Ash standing behind me. I froze.. You will not cry, absolutely not.
I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out. I hadn't talked to him since I ran away from him. I didn't know how to act around him anymore.
He was the one that pushed me away last time. This time it was my doing, and it was for good. Before it wasn't as serious, or at least it hadn't felt like it since Ash had done a piss poor job. But now since we all talked, or well Nico, Maxon, and Lucy talked to us both. We had an understanding of what was going on. I just stared helplessly into his sparkling eyes.
"I didn't get a chance to tell you before but, Sofya, what happened back in the field? How did we escape? There were hundreds of them, all I remember was a bright white flash." He said, raising an eyebrow. Huh, I hadn't really thought too much about what happened. I had just wanted to save Ash. Now that I think about it, it was getting more, and more clear what had happened. I had killed them all like a bloody psychopath.
"Ash, I killed them all," I said quietly, not necessarily wanting to admit that my powers had totally gone out of control. Ash's eyes went wide.
"You what? You killed them all? How?" He asked in bewilderment. I took a breath.
"Well, I was so mad at what they did to you. I wanted them all dead. Then the necklace you gave me burned. There was a huge blinding white light, and they all vanished. I vaporized them all. It was the necklace, it amplified my powers." I said looking down.
I had basically admitted I went psycho and wanted to kill everyone. I hadn't told the complete truth either. I had felt the darkness inside of me. I had unleashed part of it and I couldn't control it. What was wrong with me? That's a question for the ages but it was about time. I slowly brought my gaze back up after I blinked my tears away. Ash had a fierce look on his face.
"That's dangerous Sofya. I'm glad you killed them, but we don't want this to get out of hand. Once we reach the town I'm going to research the necklace and see what comes up. Be careful with it. We don't know exactly what it's capable of. It could potentially cause a lot more damage. We don't want you accidentally killing someone." He said, looking a bit frazzled.
I nodded, not sure what to say, great. I had a death bringer on my neck and in my soul, just fricken great. Another problem to add to the ever-growing list. Which was already way too long in my opinion. There might be a solution to the stone but there wasn't a way to fix me.
A few seconds passed and we just stared at each other in silence. I couldn't take it. I turned around and scurried over to Lucy. We headed into the woods. According to Maxon there was a town about a day's walk from here. Maxon was up head leading the gang with Nico, Ash following a few feet behind, and Lucy and I brought up the end. Lucy turned to me.
"How are you holding up?" She asked, concerned, filling her eyes. I shrugged.
"About as well as I can be," I replied. Which wasn't very well, but I didn't have a choice. This was best for everyone, I couldn't just think about myself anymore. I was going to be queen and that came with responsibilities and a cost. Even though I didn't necessarily want to be queen. Ok, that was a total lie. Fine, I didn't want to be queen at all.
I wanted to find love and live a quiet peaceful life with no responsibilities whatsoever. But that was just wishful thinking. It would never happen. Being queen was a privilege and what I was born to do. If I didn't, it could mean the deaths of billions. I couldn't let that happen. I would protect my people and the world. The only cost was my happiness. No big deal, right? Lucy swung her arm around my shoulder.
"It's okay, we'll get through this together. Remember Sofya, you are not alone in this. There will always be someone here for you, no matter what. Even Ash. You know he cares about you more than anyone right? Just because you can't be together doesn't mean you can't be friends." Lucy said. I wrapped my arm around her.
"Lucy, I hear what you are trying to say and I know you mean well. But I think it would be best that Ash and I stay far away from each other." I said in defeat. I pulled away wiping the tears from my face, it felt like all I've been doing lately is crying.
Uggh, I needed to snap out of it. I did like feeling as weak as I did now. "I know Ash cares for me. He saved my life and for that, I'm forever in his debt. But I don't think I can be just friends with him, it hurts just being around him knowing that I can never have him. I'll try my best though." I said. Lucy nodded, then turned serious. Which was an expression I hardly ever saw from her. While Nico was all jokes and smirks, Lucy was kind and laughing. Now that I thought of it they did well to balance Ash and I out.
"You know, I'm pretty sure Ash loves you Sofya even if he doesn't realize it. I don't think he just cares for you. If I were you I would never let him go. I know you want to stick with your decision because you believe it's right but I don't agree. Don't get me wrong if you do choose to stick with it I will support you. But think about it, Ash saved your life more than once, literally talks about you all the fricken time, is almost always by your side, and he looks at you with that lovey-dovey look in his eyes. The same exact way you look at him. Sofya I want you to be happy. You two are the most powerful beings in the world other than the guardian. And I don't care that it's Ash's brother, you belong with Ash. You complement each other and are better together in every which way. I want you to reconsider your decision." Lucy said with a ferocity I had never seen before in her eyes.
I paled, Ash loved me? There was no way he loved me. No way. But if Ash did love me then how could I possibly let him go? I didn't want to feel this pain. But Lucy was wrong. We weren't stronger together, that was shown when we were in the forest and when we faced Leviathan. I had killed him but in the process, I almost killed Ash as well.
Plus, I didn't know if I had the strength to find out if he actually loved me. If he didn't I would be heartbroken, and if he did we might be killed. I think I'd rather be killed than live without him. But if you love something you let it go, not that I loved him but I had to let him go. I couldn't be selfish, selfishness gets people killed.
"You think he loves me?" I asked Lucy hesitantly. She nodded. I took a deep breath. I couldn't fall into this. I had to let go.
"I think he absolutely does, and I have a feeling you love him too. They say love is blind and I'm starting to see why that is a saying."
"I'll think about it," I muttered, just to please her. I didn't love Ash. I couldn't, I couldn't love anyone. Not anymore. Lucy screeched and jumped on me hugging me tightly. Everyone turned to look at us. "We're fine," I said, then they turned back around.
"You will not regret this." She said. I sighed, that's if I ever got the courage to ask him how he felt. It might take a while, till I actually did something. I needed time. Time to consider my options. Time and options I didn't have. Perhaps Lucy might have been on to something, time was not a luxury I had to waste.
This mission we were on was basically suicdie. I might as well live every day as if it were my last. But I wasn't sure if I'd be brave enough to take the risk. I found this utterly ridoucus because how could I be fine will killing over one hundred people but to sacred to face my feelings? It was foolish.