The sun had barely moved when they arrived back at the house, it stood silent. Lights off, furnace off, no sounds like it was abandoned. Zemar headed straight towards his room and locked himself inside, waiting patiently to be kicked out of their lives. He really didn't want to leave, after getting a taste of what it's like to have a home and a real family, he didn't want to lose it. He squeezed his knees tightly to his chest while rocking on the soft bed with the foam mattress sinking underneath. Hours come and go as the family went about their business, they didn't even come up to check on him. Now that was something he was used to. Being left alone for days until Antonio decided to needed him for something, or the gang members tossing chains around his neck and dragged him to the basement to have their fun.
"Who am I kidding, they won't let me stay after that," he sharply exhaled and got up, he took it upon himself to leave. He didn't want to see the disappointment in their eyes and hear the resentment in their voice. He cracked open the wooden door and heard nothing, he took a few steps down the stairs and then he heard the argument between the parents and Liz sounded scared. She had every right to be.
"You saw what he did to that other Demon! What would've happened to Andy if he didn't snap out of it?" Liz argued, Zemar stopped with a quiet scoff, he expected that reaction. About to continue downstairs he heard Rick defend him,
"He saved our lives, Liz. What would've happened if he wasn't there? We'd all be dead. He saved your life just as much as he did mine and Andy's," Rick pushed.
"What about your arm? He could've easily ripped it right off!"
"But he didn't. Did you really expect us to get out of that situation without injury? I would've died if he didn't catch me and, I'd rather heal from a dislocated shoulder than leaving you and Andy alone," Rick snapped out of fear of his family losing him.
Zemar's stomach lurched, he had no idea he did that to Rick. Now there's another reason he should leave. He stayed hidden in the shadows of the stair well and waited to hear the outcome, but his own decision was already made. More resentful words about him were spat out and as they bickered about each other before it became very quiet and footsteps stormed away. He didn't have a chance to move when Liz came around the corner and started walking up the steps, unaware of his presence at first. Her startled sapphire eyes then glared hatefully at him with a glimmer of shame. Moments go by as they stared, he waited for Liz's hurtful words to slice his throat, but nothing, she kept her mouth shut.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled and stood up to the side, letting the woman walk by. Liz didn't take her eyes off him as he waited patiently, head held low with respect and sorrow. He could see her shaking as she entered the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. He was unsure if it was due to fear or adrenaline from the argument. He understood her caution and recalled what she told him earlier, he half hoped she could look past his species. He fucked that chance up, he thought.
"Zemar? How much of that did you hear?" Rick tore his attention away from the closed door,
"I heard enough..." he sighed he even winced from the sight of Rick's arm in a white sling and brace. Blue and purple fingertips were seen as he walked down, and he felt a heaviness with each step. Deep down he didn't really want to leave, but it was the best solution to keep them safe. Even if it's from himself.
Rick stood to the side as he squeezed by, but when he was almost at the door, a hand grabbed his arm.
"Wait, we don't want you to leave. Liz was just scared; you protected us at the cost of your own life and I don't think it's right to force you out. Please stay," Rick half smiled. Zemar easily saw the same fear flicker in Rick's brown eyes and figured that was only half the truth. He started laughing,
"You think I protected you? You think I fucking care whether you live or die? Ha ha that's fucking hilarious, I only engaged because it was a challenge. Us Demons don't save mortals remember, well that's what you humans always fucking say so, Liz should fear me. I'm a fucking monster! A Murderer! I don't need anyone's kindness, and nobody with any sense should want to keep me around..." he barked. He was lying, but this was for the best, he rather them be angry than fearful, he thought. He shivered like he was cold even though he was sweating like a pig and felt nauseous.
"Are you okay?" Rick noticed his sudden shiver,
"I'm fine! Just leave me alone," he snapped and ripped his arm away from Rick's grasp before he swung open the door, carefully this time. When Zemar took that first step outside, he felt like it was the hardest thing he had ever done. It felt heavy with grief and his legs were trembling, 'Nobody wants me, nobody wants me, nobody wants me,' repeats in his head and he held strong with those words.
"Andy would be upset if you left," Rick tried to pull the strings of attachment he had for the teenager but, it just made the second step worse. He was doing this for Andy, he didn't want to hurt them. He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, even if it was accidental. Zemar couldn't help but look back at Rick as he stood in the doorway, his sad eyes drift down to Rick's arm before hardening and he quickly turned away with a grunt. He sure as hell wasn't going to risk staying if he could potentially kill them in his sleep. Rick stood on the stone grey step,
"Take another step young man and you're grounded!" Rick threatened in a fatherly tone. His jaw dropped and spun around, surprised,
"Young man?! How the fuck did you know I'm a youngling?" he asked, baffled enough by the statement to force his tongue to untwist.
"You think I believed your childish tantrum?" Rick scoffed,
"Killing one person doesn't make you a murderer,"
"You have no idea," he snarked.
"What was that?"
"Nothing," he grumbled with a eye roll, Rick sighed to calm himself.
"Listen, I'm not gonna deny the fact that what you did out there. Yeah, it was scary. But, the whole thing was scary, terrifying actually and I really thought we'd die," Rick took a careful step off the stone.
Zemar looked away, clenching and releasing his fists anxiously but stood ridged as Rick took another step closer.
"You also did what you had to. Saving us was your priority and I could see how scared you were for us. Liz may not understand fully, but I do. Being a father, it's my job to keep my family safe. I saw what you did with Andy before it attacked. You kept him safe," Rick noted and Zemar's gaze softened.
"Now I may not know how old you are exactly, but I do know you're not an full adult. Demons don't lash out all Willy-Nilly unless they're younglings," Rick stated, and couldn't deny the fact. Demons had and always will put themselves below humans and avoid trouble, Rick was right. He was lashing out only because he was scared, broken and his chest hurt, but not from his injuries.
"How old are you really, Zemar?" Rick inquired when he took yet another step closer, rubbing his chin in thought when examining him up and down. Rick tried to figure out the exact age, a good guess would be late thirties.
"What's it to you?" he growled, Rick wouldn't believe him even if he did tell. Nobody does. He's a Demon, so that automatically mean he had lived for fifty years, like they're all born old. Rick frowned and looked into his hard, icy blue eyes,
"Don't take that tone with me boy, you respect your elders," Rick had that fatherly tone again, but this time, it was like he was scolding a child. Was Rick treating him like a son?
"Yes father,"
"Father?"
"Erm... Sorry Antonio... Rick! I-I meant Rick... Fuck," he stammered and quickly exhaled at his stupidity while feeling his cheeks become flustered as he tried to hide his embarrassment. He grumbled and turned away to walk onto the lawn a bit more before he stopped to stare up at the dull blue sky, the sun was near the horizon as it got closer to dusk.
Rick followed and stood beside him, giving his furry lower back a gentle pat,
"Was this 'Antonio' person your father?" Rick cooed. Zemar looked down at the grass with lidded eyes, remembering the man who raised him for ten years. Antonio didn't give up on him during that time and even treated him like his own son and yet, he did that. Antonio never knew of the abuse he endured from the other members, he kept it quiet, thinking he was protecting Antonio. But when Eric suggested killing him, he assumed Antonio would've stood on his behalf. Protect him like a father should. His betrayal cut deep, deeper than any flesh wound. Zemar shook his head slightly by Rick's question,
"I... I don't want to talk about it... Everything is so fucked up right now that I don't even know what to believe... Honestly, I don't care. I just want things to go back to the way they were because all this, this just doesn't seem real. And these new feelings are... they're..." he paused. He couldn't say anymore, like his mind went blank as his tongue seized and his throat tightens like he was about to cry.
"I understand that new things and new emotions are scary at first but, with time, things will get better. It'll always get better, trust me. So please, don't leave. Put a little faith in us," Rick grinned. He gave Zemar's back another small pat and felt a wetness on his hand,
"We better get you all bandaged up before dinner, wouldn't want blood to get everywhere," Rick half chuckled while he took his left arm out of the sling to wrap a gentle hand around his thick bicep and guided him back towards the open door of the small home.
Inside the empty room, Zemar sat quietly as he waited for dinner. It was apparently going to be something he hadn't tasted before, so Rick says. He passed the time by staring out the window and watching birds fly in the distance. He longed to fly away too. He wanted nothing more than to feel the breeze through his fur but, he needed to stay grounded, for now. He can't go flying around like he was alive, he had to stay dead in the eyes of that bastard, Eric. If Eric knew he failed, well he can't even imagine what would happen to him or to this family. That man had a temper when it got to a point, nothing and he means nothing will get in the way of Eric when something or someone pissed him off. That's why he was such a great hitman.
A soft knock on the door gave him a start as it ripped away his thoughts.
"Yo, may I come in?" Andy called from the other side,
"Uh, yeah. You can come in," he walked over to open the door for the teen as Andy stood there with a hint of guilt to his stance.
"I'm sorry for not coming up to visit, you must've been lonely in here," Andy said with a saddened tone like it was something he caused. He half smiled and went to pat Andy's shoulder, but hesitated when he noticed his hand was trembling. The thought of it wrapped tightly around the human's throat caused him to retract and squeeze it with his other hand, trying to stop the shaking. The bright red mark had grew in size after a few hours as it was outlined in a dull greenish yellow bruise.
"I-It's fine. I prefer being alone anyways, I can process things better that way," he turned to the side, avoiding the recent memory. Andy half snickered to himself,
"I uh, I guess that's a good thing then. Anyways, dad told me to come get you for dinner,"
"Oh, okay. I'll be right down," he tried his best to give a warm smile but, Andy seemed to look nervous from it before he promptly left the room. He slapped both cheeks a few times,
"Idiot! Don't smile, you don't have a good smile!" he groaned and looked out the window again only to see his reflection in the clean glass. His teeth were too intimidating to look nice in a smile and his mouth was so large, it showed how big and sharp they were. He lazily looked outside, there was only a thin sheet of glass between him and the world, something he could easily smash and break free from, but he didn't act. Its just like the chains. They were frail to Demon strength but, he didn't try to escape once and to this day they still have their hold on him.
Downstairs Zemar sat on the floor next to the kitchen table and the only thing on it was a pot full of something. It smelt cheesy.
"Tonight, I insisted on cooking and I thought really hard about what I could make that you've never tasted before. I assume you had pasta but, have you ever tried Mac N Cheese?" Rick smiled and clumsily scooped out a bowl full of yellow elbow noodles. They smelled delicious. It looked creamy and strings of cheese stretched from the pot to the bowl, even though the bright yellow of the item threw him off, he accepted the food. He surveyed it and was unsure about even giving it a try. It seemed greasy and he didn't think it would taste good. All he ever really had was fancy meals prepared by a professional chef and before that he ate from garbage bins. This wasn't anything fancy, this looked like something that people with limited money would eat.
"Go on, give it a try. Trust me, it'll be good," Rick encouraged as everyone else dug in with a grin, he gave the spoonful another curious look before carefully taking the first bite. Rick was right, this was like nothing he had ever tried before, and it was delightful, he cleaned the bowl and wanted more.
Rick chuckled and Liz does a small snicker but quickly cleared her throat, she was still mad.
"Mom, can we go to the mall tomorrow? I need to find a gift for Jordan's birthday on Wednesday," Andy asked with a mouthful of food,
"Andy, close your mouth when chewing," Liz scolded with a pause.
"We can, I have a few things to do after. That is, if you don't mind tagging along," Liz replied. Andy quickly swallowed the ooey-gooey cheesy noodles,
"I don't mind, I already know what I'm getting... Could Zemar also join us?" Andy requested without even taking a look at him. He nearly choked on the pasta while Liz kept her composure, it was too soon, he thought.
"That might not be a good idea honey, it's gonna be busy. Tomorrow is Saturday after all and I..." Liz hesitated when she glanced at him with fear in her eyes, and nervously tapped the edge of her bowl with the spoon.
"Nah, don't worry about it. I wouldn't want to intrude," he spoke before she had a chance to think of anymore excuses and he even put on a fake smile after he had the small coughing fit. He knew Liz didn't want to have anything to do with him, it wasn't a surprise and he wanted to give Liz some space so she can learn to trust him.
"No.. Ah I mean, forgive me. I didn't mean it like that. You're more than welcome to come along. I meant that because it's going to be busy, I didn't want you to get lost but, I don't think that'll be a problem," Liz smiled despite her present fear.
Liz knew that what happened with Andy was only an accident, Zemar was protecting them and she shouldn't judge so quickly.
"You sure?" he queried, an eyebrow raised at the sudden change in tone and expression towards him.
"Of course. Wouldn't it be nice for you to get out of the house and see our city?" Liz exhorted with a hint of kindness to her posture. A small smile appeared on Zemar's face and it was genuine, that made him happy. He felt a warm tingling inside, is this what real happiness felt like? he thought.
That night, he laid awake on the small bed, he couldn't sleep no matter how much he tried. Tossing and turning on the hard mattress, feeling each and every spring that shrunk under his weight. Thoughts ran through his head like a movie, what's going to happen tomorrow? Is Liz going to try and abandon him at the mall? No, Andy wouldn't let that happen, or will he? Will Andy end up being just like Antonio and betray him?
"Fuck me... Trust them? How am I supposed to fucking trust again?" he stared up at the ceiling with despair, once trust is lost it's hard to get back, especially a Demon's trust. Loyalty is all they can offer to the mortals and when one achieves that, there is nothing a Demon wouldn't do for them. Antonio had earned that when he saved his worthless ass from drowning. He felt his lungs tighten up from the distant memory of them filling with salty water and feeling the sting with each breath. He quickly got up from the suffocating pressure and opened the window to get some fresh air. The small night breeze ruffled his fur and he took a deep breath in, the air was crisp as fog escaped through his teeth when exhaling.
"I need to get out..." he breathed and squeezed out the tiny window, landing on the soft grass with a quiet thud.
He took a few steps away and the chains began to fade, loosening their grip around his limbs as he got further away from the house. He couldn't stay here any longer. He stood at the edge of the lawn to stared emptily at the hard black pavement; it was lifeless and cold. He took a glimpse back and there was a small glow that came from the front door light, casting soft shapes of bugs on the wall and ground as they flew around the flicker, attracted to its glimmer. The stone-grey coloring seemed black in the dark but had an aura of a warm home, stargazer lilies lined the border with a small, neat pathway from the driveway to the door. The grass was neatly trimmed and well taken care of, just like the rest of the homes on the street. He squeezed his head tightly and felt torn, split between running away and staying. Nothing good would come if he ran away now but, he felt too much like a burden, like he'll make one wrong move and this fantasy would shatter. But, if he stayed, he'd have a chance to be happy, a real chance but, what happens if they end up being just the same as the Grimm Reapers? He stood clutching his head, trying to decide. Will he stay or will he go? Will he trust them? Can he trust them? He felt the weight in his chest become heavier and it forced him to sit down on the grass, laying onto his back he gazed up at the twinkling stars. How could something so small be so bright and beautiful? he thought and felt himself close his eyes. They didn't open again until the light of dawn splashed across his fur, it was an empty night, no dreams or nightmares that he could remember when he awoke.
"Did I fall asleep here?" He sat up when he heard the front door open and Andy came rushing outside.
Andy didn't see him at first and looked very worried before a sigh of relief filled his face when he finally spotted him sitting on the lawn.
"There you are! I thought you ran off in the night," Andy jumped to his side and gave the back of his head a slap,
"What the fuck was that for!?" he snapped and rubbed his head. Normally that wouldn't hurt but, he had a pounding headache from squeezing it too hard last night.
"You scared the shit outta me! I thought you ran away for good this time and... I never want that to happen again," Andy was quite hurt at the thought of him leaving. He looked at the teen and that feeling came back,
"What is this feeling that keeps coming back? I don't understand what it means," he mumbled.
"What are you talking about?" Andy tilted his head to the side, he stood up and hugged Andy tightly.
"I may not know what this emotion is called but, all I want to do is protect you and your family with my life, thank you for helping me," he cried into the crook of Andy's neck. So many things have gone through his mind and he didn't know if he really meant what he said. The feeling is there and very real but, he didn't know if it's there because he needed something solid, or he's attaching himself to try and fill an empty void.
Andy patted his back in a brotherly fashion with a small chuckle,
"There, there, no need to cry. Hold your head up high," Andy whispered and pushed him away from the hug.
"Let's have some fun today, okay? Be yourself instead of being who others want you to be," Andy grinned and wiped away any and all tears before Liz came outside with her purse and keys.
"Ready to go?" she asked,
"Can we get ice cream after?" Andy requested, Liz sighed with a half-chuckle,
"Yes, we can get ice cream after we're done. Now get in the truck," Liz giggled and unlocked the door to the blue 1500. Zemar was too large to sit in the cab and had to ride in the box, it wasn't that comfy but, he had to do what he had to do. Meaning, adapting to a wide range of situations on the surface. Humans were too damn small, he thought.
He watched as the suburbs vanished and was replaced with a long stretch of nothingness. Golden sand covered the earth for miles in every which direction. It looked endless, until more roads joined up and tall buildings filled the space. Vehicles of every color and shape zoomed in all directions as they entered the large city of Sacramento. Last time he was here, he got shot by the police and a sense of dread washed over him. Are they on the look out? What happens if they find him and try to arrest him? He can't go to jail right now, he thought. They drove deeper into the heart of the city, the buildings got closer together and more Demons could be seen strolling the sidewalks, even a few Angels dotted the streets. A small sigh of relief filled his chest when there were other Demons that looked similar to him, in the sense of being black in color with red horns. It was kind of saddening to know he wasn't unique,
"We're almost there, you see that large building up ahead? That's the mall," Andy slid the small back window open to talk. He gazed over the roof of the truck to see a huge, glass dome structure. The reflection of the sunlight burned his eyes as they got closer and pull into a parking lot. The massive space was already jam packed and they barely found a spot,
"Holy shit! This place is huge!" he gaped upwards, his jaw hung open wide as he attempted to see the top.
After they found a spot, Andy and Liz start to head towards the building with a smile,
"It's not that big, there are much bigger malls in Los Angeles," Andy laughed at his amazement. Even still, he has never seen anything this big before, or as pretty. Antonio never let him go to the mall or anywhere like this in risk of being recognized by the police.
"Come on! Let's have some fun!" Andy grinned ear to ear as he pulled Zemar's hand, forcing them to sprint towards the entrance as they left Liz in the dust with an excited bounce in their step.