I hadn't slept in eternity.
The horrors of that mayhem came back to visit me from the pitch-black abyss every time I closed my eyes.
"I love you baby", her words felt like mist against my warm cheeks.
"Ma, what happened that day" I desperately wanted to know something about the incident. I didn't want to trust my father. If anything I was looking for something which could prove him guilty. Two days had passed and I didn't have any answer.
She didn't reply.
"Ma, tell me" My stubborn desperation was pushing me off the edge.
Still no reply.
"Why don't you tell me what exactly happened that day, I am going crazy over here", the dam holding my nerves broke down and all the anger came rushing out.
She turned her face away from me.
"I did this to us. It's me who is responsible for everything that happened"
"Us? What do you mean by us?", I asked.
She didn't reply.
"Is that all you have to say?" She closed her eyes making it perfectly clear that I wasn't getting anything else from her.
"Answer me! What do you mean by us? Did you hurt papa too?" I raised my voice.
I asked her again. I was so tired of everything, of all the lies and the plays.
"Ma you cannot shut me out like that, please!" I was boiling with rage.
"Sara", Neil touched my shoulder to calm me down but I yanked his hand away.
"Why would you do that!" I fell apart, my own voice was inaudible to me. I was yelling at her, yelling at a fragile, severely injured woman who was admitted to a hospital.
In a blink, I saw myself standing out of the hospital. I saw Neil talking to the doctor, I saw their lips moving but I couldn't understand a single word. Instead, I looked up at the starless night sky.
"Hey", Neil slid me a glass of warm milk.
"How are you feeling now?", we were sitting in his living room.
"I guess, I am still deaf from the day before", I wrapped my hands around the warm glass.
"Did you sleep well last night?", he looked at me with his hopeful eyes and asked.
"I um yes I sort of did", I stuttered before taking a sip.
"Your father called to give updates on your house. He said that it will be ready by tonight." He said rather hesitantly.
"You don't have to move back until you think that you are actually ready." He assured me.
I simply nodded to that.
Neil then left for his office. I decided to continue skipping college.
I was staying in his guest room for two days now. Since I had moved here, Bethany had been checking up on me every hour. I asked her to relax and go out for a bit. She was the sweetest person one could ever know. I think Neil got it from his mother. After being reassured for the hundredth time, she too left.
"When the longings didn't stop
And the stubborn steps came a little closer,
When the echoes of hollowness didn't drop
Some nights became a few days longer."
I had been sitting in this chair, with a pen and a diary, for a couple of hours now. I could listen to the dripping tap calling me from the kitchen engulfed in the dead silence. But I wasn't about to move. My legs were cemented to the floor. It was as quiet as the middle of the shipless ocean and the dripping of the tap was driving me crazy, still, my legs refused to move.
'With my shaky legs, I stood up and stumbled towards the kitchen to grab some water and bandage when I saw him sitting on the table, with a shred of glass in his hands.' Flashes of that night kept on running in my mind like a rat stuck in a rat trap. Toxicity in my family was like a ghost from our childhood which we thought we could fight but we end pretending that it's not there. I overlooked the small problems which were sitting in my house since I was child, just to have a perfect family and perfect parents. I always saw bruises on my mother's face but never dug enough deep to reach the roots. I guess was afraid to find out and maybe still am. After all, our parents aren't heroes they are just like us.
Cutting in between my phone thundered on the desk nearby.
"Hello"
"Good evening, can I speak to Ms. Sara", a man with a voice full of gravitas asked me.
"Yes, this is she"
"You were recommended for the job experience of cyber system security in NIS-EYP by the University of Athens", he confirmed.
"Yes?"
"I have called to tell you that you have been selected for the same"
"Really?", I tried to tone it down as much as I could.
"Yes. Other selected candidates have filled in their information but we are still waiting for your confirmation. We have e-mailed it to you since you have been missing your classes recently"
"Okay sir I will check it right away" the elation in my voice was very obvious.
After a few minutes of discussion, he hung up the call. I can't say that it didn't cheer me up a little. In fact, I was looking forward to this job for a very long time now.
I set up my laptop and started filling out the forms. I could feel a little rush of excitement, mostly because it was something new for me and it would help me to keep my mind off things that had been happening lately. But also, because I'd get to work in NIS and it was quite huge at that moment. The filling out of forms went pretty smooth until I saw the questions, which I was dreading.
Are you comfortable in being transferred to other locations?
I was interrupted by the doorbell, I went downstairs and opened the door.
"Hey", he sighed.
"Papa what are you doing here?"