Ever wondered what do people achieve when they are kept at a pedestal? People around that person envy him.
What is the reason for such envious thought?
It's so lonely up here. Can anyone hear my plea? I am so alone...
"Wangji?" Gege calls for my attention as accolades of my cultivation is appreciated by everyone present in the banquet. My cold eyes find his warm one and his is the only genuine smile that I care about. Bowing down to him with respect I look into his proud eyes.
~Lan Wangji 7 years old~
"Elder Lan Qiren, we must say, Second Master Lan has truly lived up to his name. At such a young age he has already reached a supreme level of cultivation. The world should behold his fierceness in future" one of them praise.
"Indeed, I wonder if there is anyone who would be able to surpass this young lad?" another cultivator praises.
"Master Zewu Jun," one of them calls GeGe with a name bestowed upon him, "Young Lan Wangji is definitely following your footsteps. It won't be far when we have another Lan disciple like you, your shadow."
My brother smiles humbly, "Thank you for your kind words, but I am sure my brother can never be my shadow. He will eventually surpass me too." His words surprise me. How can I ever surpass you Gege? Everyone present were taken aback too, but eventually they cheer him on and another wave of congratulatory goes around in order.
Farce.
Everything and everyone around are absolute farce. They care just for themselves. Walking away and having nothing to do with these unwanted pleasentaries, I enter the learning hall, where some students were sitting and studying. Not bothering them, I make my way to the seat assigned to me and meditate.
"Wangji," one of them enquires "Why are you here? Aren't you going to join the banquet?"
Inwardly I sigh. Why is it so important for me to join them when at the end they have no respect for any living creatures? All they care about are some levels of cultivation and not the genuineness of a soul.
"Don't you know you can't trouble the great Wangji here?" A voice mocks and my eyes snap open in time, just as a shrap needle pin is thrown in my direction. With the swiftness I am known for and catching it inbetween my forefingers, I smile at their widened eyes.
Turning my sharp gaze towards the assaulter, the semblance warning in my voice does not go unnoticed,"I am no longer the young lad you can instigate," throwing away the pin I get up "pay heed to my words, as there won't be one next time."
Without another glance I walk away.
Lunatics.
Unable to bear the pretense around me, I traverse towards the cold pool and once seated there all alone on the shore in peace, I reminisce about the one who has taken permanent residence behind my closed lids.
His face. His smile. His eyes.
They flash in front of me and my aching heart soothes down. Unsure of my memories, but maybe over the years I could have imagined some of his features like the mole below his lips. His light freckles. His thick lucious hair which seemed silky.
Are you alright? I seek a question but never receive an answer.
"Wangji?"
I turn to my Gege's voice and he smiles, "What are you doing here all alone?"
"Wanted some time away." I reply truthfully as he takes a seat by my side and nods, "I understand, I wish to be as brave as you, so that I could walk away too." At his confession my eyes widen and he laughs mirthlessly.
"Then why don't we leave this place together and never come back again, Gege? Just you and I!" At my words he fondly gazes at me as some unfathomable emotions play in those warm eyes, "I can't leave, Wangji." But what made my breath hitch is that he never asked me to stay either. He knew this place is killing me everyday, but yet my heart is aware that I couldn't leave him here all alone.
Patting my knees he tries to cheer me, "Show me your cultivation?" Understanding dawns on me that no matter what, we're both Lan brothers. There is no him and me. There can only be we. Without much thought towards our painful lives, I oblige my Gege's words and with my inner energy, I summon Zither in front of me and place it on my lap. It took me few years to cultivate my own instrument and finally I achieved it. My brother is so proud.
"What have you named it?" He enquires and I shrug. "You haven't named your Zither yet?" I shake my head.
"Why don't you name it?" I nudge GeGe with my elbow as he strokes my Zither and after few minutes he whispers, "Wangji" and I turn to look at him. "Name him Wangji, as unique as you are."
"Wangji." I whisper and its soul connects with mine. I smile.
"What is the first note that do you wish to learn in Wangji?" He softly enquires and for an unknown reason I immediately turn to look at him and say, "Inquiry." His eyes seeks mine and as usual he understands. Gege just gets me.
"Alright, I'll teach you, but I must warn you it requires good practice, skill and patience to learn Inquiry. Are you ready?"
I nod. Patience is something I have abundant within me.
Under his tutelage I learn to play Inquiry. Practising everyday with precision became my utmost goal in life and finally one day, I could play it on my own.
~Lan Wangji 9 years old~
On one such full moon night, at top of Gusu mountains, I play Inquiry and hearing my plea a friendly warm spirt appears in front of me, "How may I help you?"
Taking out an old piece of faded red ribbon from my inner robes, I reminisce the time to when I was 5 years old, the day I met him and had to leave him behind. Unable to apprehend why my heart ached to leave him there, after few months I again travelled to Yunmeng Sect with a hope to find him, this soul searched each and every street for him, but to no avail. I never found him. In his place, behind the dumpster, all I found was this old tattered red ribbon. The same one he wore the day we met. I got it along with me and hid it inside the floor coverings of my bed chamber away from preying eyes.
"Can you to find the owner of this ribbon?" I enquire with a whisper as all my hopes are placed on her one answer.
She closes her eyes.
A few moments later she opens them and smiles fondly, "Yes I found him." At that my heartbeats erratically.
"Is he alright?" I ask with a hope.
"Yes, he is." Her answer finally releases the chokehold emotions that I had witheld within me for all these years.
You're alright. You're alright. You're alright. I kept repeating them.
"Do you wish to know anything else? His name? His -" I stop her, "No, that will be all." With a humble bow from me she disappears.
I look up at the star filled sky as cold breeze caresses my cheeks and I close my eyes as a lone tear slips and a small smile plays on my lips, learning Inquiry for all these years, just to know how you have been, has finally paid off.
I hope we can meet one day.