"You truly have no idea why he did it?" For the nth time, Arice asked Sherdan.
The four of them were in a line beside the main road just near the gate. Sean called for their family driver a little earlier, so they were waiting for the latter to arrive.
Sean and Martin glared at Arice before they cautiously glanced at Sherdan, worried about his mental condition. They checked whether there were changes in his expression.
Contrary to what they had worried about, Sherdan remained impassive. He was neither happy nor sad, nor was he still showing confusion.
"Hmmm" Sherdan replied. He ignored their gazes and stared at the street.
"Eeh" Arice raised a brow and whistled. It seemed like Sherdan had calmed down. He wasn't even provoked by that question.
'No fun'
When the four arrived at the hospital, all their classmates had just happened to exit out. It seems their visiting hours ran out.
Sean, Arice, Martin and Sherdan were a little late and it took them a while before they were able to visit. Thus, aside from the four, everyone else had already gone out to visit Friedde ahead of them.
This was because Sherdan took longer to pack than usual. It seems he really tried his best to calm himself down. Given that amount of time spent with him staring off into nothingness,
"You should hurry, I think visiting hour's almost done"
The President of the class went to them after internally debating over whether to approach them or not. In the end, she decided to come and inform the four.
Martin noticed her reddish cheeks and undereye. It was as if she had just cried.
"You cried?" He asked. He finds that a little weird. Sure, knowing that someone had such a sad life that they'd resort to suicide is enough to invoke pity--but to cry over it? That's a little weird.
The President noticed Martin's baffled expression and returned his question with a weak smile.
"You should go visit him. He needs all the help he can get. " She lightly tapped Martin's shoulders before she followed behind her friends.
Martin scratched his cheeks. Her response made him more confused. She did not answer his question at all.
'Just how bad did that guy get? He was fine during the birthday celebration. He wasn't even out for a month---and still considering that time, he should have forgotten the event that day as it wasn't even that serious' Martin could still remember how viscious the guy was during his birthday, so understanding why Friedde tried to kill himself was nothing but a hard task.
"Hey! Are you coming or nah? " Arice called out to Martin, who was standing still like an idiot in his spot. The three of them were about to enter the hospital but realized the fourth of them was nowhere near in sight. It seems he was held up by someone, or rather, he held up someone, and now he's behind them.
Sherdan glanced briefly at Martin's way before he went ahead of them. However, before he could even take another step forward, he bumped against someone who he did not notice was about to pass by.
When Sherdan looked at the person he had run into, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him of how strangely familiar this scenario was.
Deja vu?
"I'm sorry! I'm just in a hurry. Sorry, I gotta go." The older lady he bumped into didn't even raise her head. All she did was to bow consecutively, as if she was asking to be forgiven over a serious matter.
"No, it's fine," Sherdan didn't mind. It was just weird how oddly familiar this felt. It was the same as that time when Peiya bumped into his father at the gathering.
The lady thanked him and left. Before she was out of earshot, he heard her say something.
"Pei! I told you! You can't bring Alkine out!"
"No, don't come to the hospital, I'd go home..." The lady still said a few things, but all of them became inaudible after she was finally a certain distance away.
Sherdan felt how odd this was and thought of the word Pei as something similar to Peiya's name, but he did not dig into it that much. It might be his paranoia nagging.
The four headed to Friedde's room after they were told what number he currently resides at. When they had reached his room, Arice voluntered to come inside first.
Sean watched as Arice went inside. The man instantly froze the moment he entered and Sean felt as though this was caused by something Arice saw--no, more like, someone Arice saw.
"Arice? What's wrong--"
"Get Out!" Friedde's loud and angry voice caught the three's attention. Sean was worried and tried to enter, but Arice glanced his way with an odd expression on his face.
It was as if he had seen a ghost, as if he had seen something that disgusted him.
Arice pushed Sean out a little before he shut the door.
The three who were left behind were puzzled by his action. Sean tried to peek inside the room through the rectangular glass on the door, but the light inside the room was suddenly turned off. It was as if Arice had expected that someone would take a peek.
"Get out!" They heard Friedde's voice again, but it turned muffled and almost inaudible. Sherdan stood just behind the peeping Sean and couldn't help but frown.
"I told you...." Several muffled voices were soon heard. The tone suggested that Arice and Friedde were fighting over something.
Sherdan found this odd and started to grow anxious for some reason. When the final strand of his minimal patience snapped, he decided to step forward to make things faster. He went towards the door and Sean gave way to him.
"Friedde?" He called out. With a tone similar to the ones he once used when coaxing Friedde. A pampering and soft tone.
Sherdan approached the door and knocked once. The door opened up to him in less than a minute. Arice greeted him with a grumpy expression before motioning for them to enter. The light was turned on, and they saw Friedde, who appeared scrawny, lying down on his hospital bed.
Friedde's usual image remained in Sherdan's mind. A tall man with the right amount of fat, a bright complexion, and black and thick hair. But when he saw him again, he almost didn't recognize him.
Friedde had shrunk significantly since the last time Sherdan had seen him. His skin was so pale, it was as if he hadn't been out in the sun in a long time.
"Sherdan, you came" Friedde's expression brightened the moment he confirmed that the man he had long awaited to see had finally arrived.
He glanced at Arice and begged for the latter to not say a word through his eyes. Arice who caught on to what he wanted grunted and avoided his eyes. Nobody noticed how his fist had formed into a ball.
Sherdan grabbed a seat in the corner and sat down. "Yes, I am," he replied. His usual indifferent tone came back, erasing all traces of his previous gentleness as if they were mere hallucinations.
Friedde ignored them and tried to sit, as he was currently tucked underneath the sheets of his hospital bed. But before he could even do so, Arice had already pushed him to lie back down again. Arice firmly hindered him from excessive movement.
Sean noticed how Arice had become oddly protective and felt a sense of foreboding. The usual Arice wouldn't do these things, especially to Friedde, with whom he was not that close. If Arice was just playing around with Friedde, then he wouldn't be doing this. After all, his plays tend to be more brutal and honest; he doesn't like faking his concerns.
With that being said, this only meant Arice was truly concerned about Friedde.
'But why? How?' Sean failed to understand the reason behind it.
"Don't move, just lie down" Friedde was about to protest on Arice, when Sherdan's next words interrupted him from doing so.
"Why are you doing this?"
This question silenced everyone, and when the four finally processed the question, they all showed varying reactions.
Martin thought of the same question and Sean shrugged it off. However, Arice's expression turned distorted and he was obviously mad.
"Hey! How can you ask something like tha--" Arice went to Sherdan's way and grabbed his collar.
'Just how insensitive could this guy get?'
Sean and Martin all looked at Arice as if he had gone crazy. They found nothing wrong with that question, so why was Arice acting this way?
"What are you doing, Arice?" Sean tried to go in between the two to stop them, but Arice stood his ground.
"I'm asking you Cohen, why did you ask that? Are you dumb? What could be--" Sherdan grabbed Arice's hands and yanked it away.
"Don't meddle in my business, Hones." He glared at Arice and went past him.
'What? You're on a surname basis when you're mad? ' Martin thought.
"Why are you doing this, Friedde?" Sherdan asked the moment he reached Friedde's side. The latter had his head down all that time.
"Why are you doing this?" Sherdan grabbed Friedde's arms; he wasn't guilty nor did he felt pity for the guy. Why would he? If anything, he'd be confused.
Friedde's body shook with his touch and dripples of water started to fall down on the sheets.
"W-why?" Friedde's voice crooked. The moment he raised his head, everyone saw his face.
"Why? Why am I doing this? Did you think--did you think I did it for attention? "
Liquid streamed down his face nonstop. It made him look more of a mess than he already was.
Did he do that for attention?
Did he do that for pity?
Did he tried to kill himself so Sherdan would look at him again?---No, he didn't.
How could Sherdan think of him like that? There was no way he thought of him like that.
Friedde wanted to believe that it was impossible. At the very least, he knew Sherdan as someone who never judged a person. They were together for a long time--not as a lover, but as friends.
There is just no way. --
"Did you not?" Sherdan frowned. If not for that reason, then what else?
What Sherdan said made Friedde realize one thing.
"I was that petty to y-you."
He realized that Sherdan thought so little of him. Only now did he realize he was never treasured.