It has been almost 2 weeks and Alex is still in coma, but I am not going to give up. She is still alive and I know she's fighting.
They have to move us to a regular room now which is good, atleast I have a bed to sleep on and there's a bathroom. I think I practically live here now.
I am curled up in a chair beside Alex's bed when a nurse came in to check on her, she made sure she was hooked up to all the appropriate machines, that everything was working correctly before checking her pulse and temperature.
The swelling on Alex face has gone down a little. Her bruises from being black now it turned into a greenish color.
But she still remain unmoving.
Dr. Shepherd keep me updated on Alex's progress.
"She is healing nicely. The swelling in her brain has gone down". He assessed.
"But why isn't she waking up?". I asked.
"Could only mean she isn't ready to wake up or...". He trailed off
"Or what?". I pushed.
"Or it could mean her brain has been compromised and she's not going to wake up. But we are still monitoring her closely and she is doing well". He assured me.
Alex, is broken. I broke her. The guilt and remorse I feel, there is nothing in this world I can compare it to. I did this to the love of my life. I broke her and there is nothing I could do to fix her.
She may never wake up again and I'm not ready to lose her. I promised myself that I won't let anything bad to happen to her and that I won't let anyone hurt her. But then, I did this to her. I hurt her, I couldn't protect her. Is this gonna be the end for us? After all those years apart and being sent to prison. We were blasted from that stupid riot, we almost died together and got separated again.
But a car accident? This has got to be the biggest joke of my life.
I think I'm trying to win the most miserable life.
Nurses and doctors keep monitoring Alex. Both her arms are swollen from being pricked by the injection that's taking her blood samples every day.
If only I could trade my life with her, I would without hesitation. I'd gladly jump on this bed right now and trade places with her.
I'm also starting to get depressed again. I am constantly afraid for Alex's life. I couldn't sleep at night and I can't focus on anything anymore. I'm afraid that if I leave her for a second that something bad would happen to her and I'm not there.
"Why aren't you waking up yet?" I mumbled.
"I missed you so much, Al".
"Please wake up". I begged.
I wanted to cry again but I cried so much that there weren't tears left for me to shed. I am hollow and dry. Most of the time I just spend my day staring at my wife, afraid to even take my eyes off of her.
I so badly wanted to curl beside her and bury my face in her neck and inhale her scent. In scary moments like this she would usually hold me until it's not so scary anymore. She always know what to do and she knows how to make me feel better. Now I'm all alone and I'm lost. I'm lost without Alex.
I'm lost and confused and tired. Even if I cry nonstop it's still not enough. The anguish I feel is too much.
I was in deep thoughts when the door suddenly open and it was Nicky. She smiled at me and I can't help but smile back. Her smile is contagious and I am thankful for her being here.
"Hey, Chapman!". She walk over to me and gave me a kiss on top of my head.
"How's our girlfriend here?". She inquire and lean in to Alex and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.
"Still sleeping". I replied.
"Ah." She said shaking her head.
"You know I'm getting tired of waiting here, Vause. You're lucky you don't have to eat the food they serve here". She said while making a face.
"Makes me think back about prison". She said jokingly.
"Dr. Shepherd said she's healing nicely. The swelling in her brain has gone down". I told Nicky.
"Well that's good news. Atleast we have that". She said looking downhearted.
My family has been calling me regularly asking for Alex's update. They are worried too.
The police gave me the report about the accident. It turns out it wasn't Alex's fault. She was just there at the wrong time at the wrong place. The truck driver was drunk. The Police showed me the photos from the accident. Alex's car was a total wreck and she was thrown 20 feet away from her car through the windshield.
They said she was lucky to be thrown out of the car or else she would get crushed and probably be dead on the scene.
It still doesn't comfort me knowing it was my fault why she drove off in the first place.
"Nicky, why is this happening?". I said after a moment.
She look up from her phone and stare at me.
"Why is the universe so cruel to me? She put my wife through a windshield. I mean, what the hell is going on?". I asked confused.
"What's the point? I mean, is there a reason for all of this?". I cried. "Because if you can think of a reason, any reason at all, why the universe is so screwed up... and random and mean, now would be an amazingly good time to tell me. Because I really need some answers".
Nicky stood up and went over to me.
"I know kid, I know". She embraced me and I was bathed in tears.
"I don't have the answer why the universe is so cruel to us, but I do know that Alex here, is going to beat the shit out of the universe and she is going to wake up and everything will be okay".
"Is it? Will everything's going to be okay? Because I am so exhausted of trying to fight this miserable life". I said crying.
"I just want Alex to wake up. Is that too much to ask?".
"No, no, Piper it's not and you're okay". Nicky trying to console me.