Winter gradually moved into the country, colouring the world white. The last month passed more quickly than I realised. Tonight was the time again. The big question was which lady would have to leave the palace. By now, we ladies had dwindled to a modest crowd. I think there are 15 or so of us. Now that I knew my family was safe and Leopold could no longer harm me, I could slowly breathe a sigh of relief. I no longer had to fear for my life or anyone else's. It was almost bizarre how much this pack had affected me and given me sleepless nights over the last few months. I had often woken up at night and sat on the balcony, drunk with sleep. There I waited until the moon set and the sun welcomed the next day. I loved snow, it was so soft and white. It never made a secret of what was underneath it. On quiet days I thought a lot about my family, soon they would all be sitting around a fire celebrating holy winter and I wasn't there. Holy winter was an old custom from my mother's country we were not believers. Generally, since the great Religious War in 2090, there had been no ceremonies. Catholic churches and other places of faith were abandoned and turned into museums. It was not forbidden to belong to a religion, but special places no longer existed. Nevertheless, it was still traditional in noble circles to hold baptisms, weddings and funerals in churches. They had a soft spot for old rituals. Holy Winter is a holiday on 24 December each year. However, this custom is so old that we no longer knew what we were celebrating. On this day, we gave each other small gifts. I leave it open whether these came to us legally or illegally.
I hadn't seen Nicolas since the incident in the infirmary, he didn't seem to be avoiding me, but he seemed different than before. Busier and thoughtful. Even at the eliminations, he didn't seem to be on his game, he read from his cards and quickly disappeared from the set without saying goodbye. I felt offended. "Would you like a handkerchief, my lady?", Martin had spread his handkerchief on his palm so that I could take it. He didn't leave my side anymore and followed me like a shadow, surely Nicolas had instructed him to do so. I had tried to stop myself from crying, but I had always been very emotional when it came to my family. I sat on a small bench in the park and watched the snowflakes sail to the ground. I wore a fur-lined cape and fluffy winter boots, along with red leather gloves. I quickly pulled out the towel and wiped my tears: "But we cleared that up, Martin, no polite form." Martin had become, I wouldn't say a confidant, but a person I could rely on. He bowed deeply to me: "But, even a lady of no sex is a lady to me. I can treat you no less.'' I sighed and gave him back his handkerchief with the royal seal. Martin always tried to keep me happy, although sometimes it made me uncomfortable how seriously he took his role as protector. The girls avoided me, they were all jealous. But of what? I wasn't even sure if the prince would choose me or if I would be sent home the next week. At least my family was out of danger and I could always start again with Madame Parisie. One thing surprised me very much, his powers of deduction had not yet led him to think that we had met in the park that time. Perhaps our encounter had been too fleeting to remember me. I was just as inconspicuous as I am today. "Are you all right now that Prince Nicolas is dating other ladies?", he asked me anxiously. "We've been through this before.", I replied bitterly, pushing some of the snow off the surface. Martin had told me yesterday that the prince was seeing others. That day I had thrown another vase down the corridor. But I wasn't with Nicolas, he could meet whoever he wanted. I formed a snowball behind my back, I told myself that it didn't offend me and that I wasn't jealous. "You mustn't take it to heart like that, I know he'll choose you." Was he trying to build me up? Who would choose me over a respectable lady, only a fool? Nicolas Kantonie was no fool. I raised an eyebrow and squeezed the snowball tighter. "Martin, we both know that I am as important to Little England as the fourth caste.", I explained to him. I took a swing and threw my projectile furiously into the grass, creating a hole. I added through clenched teeth: "Let him..." I formed another one, all my tense anger was pressed into this white ball. Suddenly a crunch broke the silence, Martin and I looked at each other and then in the direction from which the sound came. Snow was falling from the leaves. "Speak of the devil.", Martin whispered more to himself than to me. He had forgotten for the first time in his life that he was not here as a private person. The black boots and the soaked suit trousers were the first things I recognised. When I turned around again, I launched myself straight out and threw the next bullet a hair's breadth past Nicolas. He hadn't expected it and knocked some snow off his coat, I think it was made of wool. In revenge, he also formed a ball. "Aha, where are the manners towards ladies?", I called to him ironically, but I couldn't help grinning. Damn it, I have to keep my composure, he should know that I was angry. "With respect.", he squeezed it tighter and then bowed to me. Then the ball rolled back into the snow. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. ''I've been looking for you because I have news.'' He swallowed slightly and let the snowball plop back into the meadow. I looked up at him and didn't reply, I knew he expected me to ask what it was about, but I remained silent. "There was a reason I hadn't contacted you since...you know.", he cautiously turned his eyes towards the guard. It was uncomfortable that Martin could hear everything. My companion cleared his throat briefly, made a quick bow and then retreated discreetly behind the pavilion. "He's quite fixated on you, I haven't known him that long only about 2 years, but no lady has ever sacrificed so much of his time." I raised an eyebrow and looked at the prince cautiously: "No, I don't know what you mean, the thing when I was attacked or the other in the sick room when you were making out with me?", I hadn't phrased it as a question, but more as an attack. Was that the reason Martin had to back off because he wanted to apologise? "Whatever." Nicolas put his left hand on the back of his neck and sucked in a lot of air. His gloves were a dark blue, almost black. His request seemed somehow difficult for him to tell me. He licked his lips and wiped his face: "As I said before, there was a reason why I wanted to keep my distance from you, Belle. I sought out your stalker in the dungeon and he was sentenced to death." The last words were just a whisper. I jumped up and stood with both feet deeply in the snow. A cold shiver runs down my spine, for both the snow and the news: "You what?" How could he put himself in danger like that? Was he stupid? I reminded myself that Nicolas couldn't know how cruel Leopold was, that he was about to have him killed. Like an annoying fly circling the fruit. It was hard to breathe, but I tried not to let it show and breathed in and out calmly. I sat down again.To distract me and so that he wouldn't see my face, I shook the not yet thawed snow out of my boots. "I knew you would react like this... that's why I didn't tell you. He not only blackmailed you but also other girls. Marina and Annabeth told me about their history with him. They were as frightened as you were about their loved ones. He also committed serious criminal offences. If it had only been stalking, he would be serving a life sentence, but because of the other things...", he came closer to me but still kept his distance, "He was sentenced to death." So Leo had not only blackmailed me but was also I a bad person if I no longer felt alone with it? Marina and Annabeth were nice noble ladies from the second district. Even though, was Leopold able to let them work for him. Was I allowed to be happy that I wasn't the only one? Or was this statement just another red herring? Leopold had to die, I had to let that sink in. "Are you attracted to these girls? You seemed to be very distracted for the past few weeks." That sounded envier than it was. To be fair I was kind envy of the bond the others had with the prince. It was the only thing that Nicolas and I had in common. We both knew dark secrets from each other. There wasn't much of the glittering powder left on the bench, which is why the metal flowers came out, a pale red. I spent a lot of time in this place, where I could leave everything behind, all my worries. "You're mad at me, aren't you?", he asked me softly. Was I angry or relieved? I swallowed and answered absently: "I don't know...where is he right now, in the dungeon?" I did not want anybody to discover my true feelings. Nicolas shook his head: "That would be irresponsible of us. After we found out more about him, he was sent to prison in Rainency. I didn't want to risk him harming you or anyone else again." He purposely didn't mention the names Marina and Annabeth, which annoyed me. I didn't want him to put some cotton on me. Rainency was a maximum-security prison known for not having inmates for too long. In other words, the place where you died. It was located on a small island near Little England. In the 21st century, it served as a retreat for the royal family as the uprisings for freedom and democracy grew more violent. Today it has no use for the nobility, and since conventional prisons were too expensive, a solution was quickly found. When will it be?", I asked my question. I swallowed and played with my hands. He didn't know what I meant, but then it dawned on him and he opened his eyes. No, I forbid you to do that," he narrowed his eyes and tightened his fingers in the air. I replied resolutely: "I want to be there." Then I straightened up and watched him, he struggled with himself. I promised you that he would never come near you again and you want to see him. This is madness, Belle!" His authority was palpable. I begged reluctantly, but I would not relent: "Please, I have to see him, you owe it to me."
Of course, any person without any background would have claimed he was not at fault and it would have been my own decision. The truth is, I only put myself in danger because of Nicolas Kantonie, but he couldn't have known that. I want to face one last time the one who destroyed my life for several months. The prince realised that he couldn't talk me out of it with insistence and several attempts. "Fine," he sank beside me, our fingers touching fleetingly. "But," Nicolas cleared his throat, "I'm coming with you."