I felt like I was wrapped in cotton wool. I was only aware of half of what was going on around me. Juliette came towards me and stood in the row of chairs I was about to escape from. "Can I talk to you?" she asked me almost tearfully. I turned around and intended to disappear on the other side. The main thing was not to run into her. I was stopped by other girls in the row who were also meandering out. Juliette tried again and got in line behind me. Now I was caught, wonderful. "I know you must be pretty angry with me. I just wanted to tell you that I didn't know he'd been seeing you before too... You have to know, he told me that you two were over. I feel so guilty." My heart skipped a beat. If Juliette spoke any more, I would completely break down in front of everyone. I turned to her and replied, "I believe you, but please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault." She seemed relieved and continued: "It's nothing more than a more intense kiss, I swear." A kiss, it was a kiss that had fallen between them. I closed my eyes. "Oh no, I...I'm sorry, Belle." she stammered. I spoke composedly: "I would like to be alone, please." I tried to smile, but inside I was empty. I didn't know how to feel anymore. Before Juliette started pestering me again, I threw one leg over the back of a chair and climbed over it. I had to get out of here, I had to get out of here. When I was back in the corridor, I took off my shoes and ran across the west wing. I was beside myself and disappointed in Nicolas. He had hurt me badly with this action and I was so angry at myself, at him, at the whole world. I was humiliated, in more ways than one. I would say once, a good record for me. But Juliette and Nicolas? Why had Martin never told me about them? I hated myself for not considering that he had gotten closer to her. Even though it was exactly what I wanted, I was unhappy.
I went to my room and I sent my maids away. I caught sight of the vase with the 'I'm sorry flowers and cards and suddenly cried out. Then I threw everything on the floor and cried bitterly. Shards of glass and old water seeped onto my carpet and formed an interesting work of art. I hated him, I hated Nicolas so much. I screamed and threw my bedspread on the floor too. I wanted Chaos, I longed for that imperfect world back. Family, home, my job. I had left everything behind and for what? So that I could make an ass of myself in front of the whole country. I stopped abruptly when there was a soft knock. I came to the door and pushed down the handle. "I'm sorry, I'll clean this up, I promise...", my breath caught as I realised who was standing in front of me. My heart immediately began to beat faster. There was silence. "I had to see you", he whispered. I remained silent. Nicolas was embarrassed as if he hadn't thought about it: "I want to apologise to you, I have..." He didn't get any further, because I pulled him to me and kissed him. He returned my gesture and embraced my waist. Somehow it happened that the door slammed behind us and we prepared to move from the wall to my bed. Neither of us spoke a word, we just let actions speak. He loosened his tie and undid the first three buttons of his shirt. His hand had worked its way out through the tulle to my leg and was running along with it. A slight tingling sensation arose inside me and I sucked in the air. The first one was stocking then the second landed on the floor. I had unbuttoned his shirt further. His upper body was exposed, I could touch him. He flinched briefly when my cold fingers touched him, but then he bent down to me again and kissed me. His nose brushed over my neck and moved down. I exhaled and whispered: "Open my dress." It was the first word we had exchanged in a long time. He did and I straightened up. He pulled at the zip and undid the rakes from my corsage. The dress slumped to my lap and I brushed it off me, it too landing on the floor. He paused for a moment and looked at me, both our bodies breathing heavily. Nicolas opened his mouth: "You are so beautiful." I couldn't say anything back because he was exploring me. I bit my lip so I wouldn't make a sound. All this was secret and I wanted to keep it that way. I also wanted to give him something back and took off his shirt and undid his belt, then his suit trousers. We wandered onto the cushions. All of sudden, only underwear separated us. Heat rose inside me and clouded my senses. I wanted it to happen and signalled to him. He understood and we continued.
Maybe I didn't just do it out of pure self-interest, I wanted him to be mine and mine alone. No one not even Juliette should get as far as I did. At that very moment, I realised that I had fallen in love with the Prince of Little England.