I had moved away from the party, light music sounded in the distance. The musicians were finishing their pieces. The garden party would probably go on until dawn, but I didn't want to bother with superficialities and Court etiquette any longer. Everyone had been left with a big question mark, everyone apart from me and Nicolas. I would never have thought our prince capable of that, he was always stiff and conscientious, did what he was told. My feet felt a slight splash from the wetness of the grass. It was a sign that it was slowly cooling down and we were approaching late evening. Like all of us, we had no watches on our wrists, for watches had long since gone out of fashion. Not even the rich wore them, not even as a status symbol. I admit that I never liked this kind of jewellery, I always found it too ostentatious. Especially since I couldn't afford it anyway. A light breeze blew towards me and I felt refreshed, I had achieved what I wanted. The prince hung on my lips and was simply no longer interested in anyone else. Perhaps I could soon go home and disappear from this world. She had never greeted me openly anyway, I felt like "Ein Elefant im Prozellanladen". My mother used to say this saying sometimes, it came from her homeland. It meant not fitting in or not belonging. I made a slight noise with my dress as I made my way to the palace. It was long and had a train. I almost felt guilty because my maids would have to clean it. I didn't really know where my thoughts were taking me, but I recognised a silhouette in the open doorway. His slight features of the face were just like a memory of that beautiful afternoon. I stopped on the gravel floor in front of the stone steps. Suddenly my heart beat faster. To distract me I looked at the stone steps, they had lichen and already looked very run down. I couldn't tell if my counterpart was looking at me or if he was looking over me. I curtsied briefly, shaking slightly because of my adrenaline. The person made the effort and came towards me, before the prince could get too close I quickly scurried past him. With a slight smile, I picked my way across the corridors to my room. I could have approached Nicolas about it, but I wasn't ready for that yet, I needed to be to myself first. His footsteps stopping in the corridor again were like shadows following me. It wasn't surprising that he wouldn't give up so quickly. I pulled up my hem and walked faster across the corridors of this castle. I was already practically hovering over the floor. He would soon catch up with me, I had no chance of getting into my private rooms. I decided to take a shortcut to a certain place, maybe he wouldn't find me there. I reached it just in time and closed the door quietly and carefully. My pendants jingled with every movement, I clasped my hand around them. My breathing was still a little erratic, all the running had left me out of breath. I looked around my sanctuary, the library was magical even at sunset. There was no light burning. Everything was bathed in dark blues and purples. I slid along the door, wanting to enjoy the pleasant silence. After a few seconds, there was the sound of footsteps on the other side, but they suddenly stopped. "Belle?", he asked almost uncertainly, "Are you in here?" I bit my lip, said nothing, had to come down from my happy hormones before I answered. Only then could I think clearly again. "I don't know if you are even standing behind this door and can hear me. I know you're not ready to talk to me yet, but I'm still getting my hopes up. Isn't that crazy..." I played with my present and had to smile involuntarily. At that moment I should listen to my inner voice, I wanted to open up to him, but...the risk. What was with the risk? I swallowed before I started to answer: "I heard you, Nicolas." My voice sounded restrained. He cleared his throat: "May I come in...please, I want to see you." I leaned my cheek against the beautiful door and held my hand against it, this moment was a test of strength for me. An uncontrollable sigh escaped me I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. I had chosen him before and not the right thing to do, why shouldn't I do it now? Knowing that I wouldn't get anywhere without just a nod because he couldn't see it, I agreed. I stood up and adjusted my clothes. My hands were in front of me. The door has opened a crack inside and the prince stuck his head through. He was cautious, I noticed that he also seemed nervous somehow. "You can go all the way in.", I laughed softly. He hurried and quickly closed the door to the corridor. He took his time before turning to me and taking a few steps towards me. Now we were standing here, not knowing what to say to each other. "My parents don't like me, they think I've just shirked my duties.", he massaged the back of his neck in embarrassment. His eyes were looking everywhere but at me. I looked against the stained glass window to concentrate: "Well, can you blame them, after all, you did let the whole kingdom down and the girls were very put out." He took both my hands and squeezed them tenderly: "I meant what I said in the meadow, I want to go on a date with you Belle." I looked into his face, one half covered in shadows of light. How beautiful his eyes sparkled, now it struck me again, he had the same green as me. We looked at each other for a long time, time stood still. "Thank you for giving me a present, I got something else just like that.", I whispered. My heartbeat is faster as I approached his cheek and gave him a little kiss. I hoped I didn't blush, even if you couldn't see it. He approached with another step: "I have never chosen a gift myself and given it to a woman, you are the first." He bent his head in my direction, the tip of his nose so close to mine. I should have pushed him away, but this time I let it happen. It all passed as if in time-lapse when it could have been only seconds. My lips met his, his were decidedly soft. Instinctively I pulled him closer to me, I wanted to be with him. My insides were on a rollercoaster, it sounded so damn cliché. But I struggled with the pros and cons of my feelings and my predicament. I had given myself to him, of course, it had been clear to me for some time that I was choosing him and not Leopold. He embraced my waist and pulled me to him as well.
We had settled down on the sofa upstairs by the ancestral books. Our eyes were fixed on the ceiling. I lay next to him at a distance, only our fingers were intertwined. "This is the best non-date I've ever had.", he said with a smile. I glanced sideways at Nicolas and then back up at the ceiling. I pondered slightly. Was it some kind of date? I turned to the side and had my back turned to him. My hands were now free. I began to draw small circles on the cover with my fingers. It was made of green velvet, my drawings appeared once in dark and once in light. How could I explain the whole thing to him, I swallowed briefly before closing my eyes: "Can you please not tell anyone about all this, it's..." "It's too early, I understand.", he interrupted me. I felt his gaze on me, he was watching me. Was he hoping I would deny it? I turned my head away and bit my lip: "Yes, somehow..." He interrupted me again: "I'll give you time.", he added, "Can you promise me that one day it will be?" I narrowed my eyes in pain and whispered: "I can't promise you that, Nicolas, because..." "You can't say it." It was beginning to annoy me that he always knew better, I rolled my eyes and sat up. I clenched my hands on the cover: "Nicolas, I can't tell you because I don't want to tell you." The last part came out harsher than I wanted it to. I braced myself with my hands and wandered to the ornate balustrade. My hands clutched the backrest and I got a slight tingling sensation rising inside me. There was a rustling behind me and I knew the prince must have risen. The fish-grain floor creaked, apparently warped in some parts. No wonder, after all this time. His scent came into my nose, he smelled of polish and wax. Lovingly, the prince put his hand on the back of my hand. My head leaned against his chest. I sighed and apologised softly: "It's just more complicated, I can't explain it." This time it was his majesty who remained silent. After a while he gave me a gentle kiss on the back of the head and cleared his throat: "Belle, I should go to my parents, I have to think of something. I hope to see you again soon."
He let go of me and quickly descended the stairs, I was left with a pounding heart. I was in a hole, but I also could no longer deny that I felt more than acceptance towards Nicolas Kantonie. My hands pressed against the wood and I panicked. Before Nicolas had stepped out of the door, I shouted to him from the parapet: "Nicolas, wait." He turned around, he seemed confused, I was no different. I swallowed, suddenly I had forgotten what I wanted to say. He made another move to leave. I let go of the parapet and hesitated, then descended some stairs. I exhaled. I tried again, closing my eyes, not wanting to know his reaction: "Keep hoping." These words came very heavily from my lips, they gave him hope. I should not give him any, but I could no longer lie to myself about my feelings.
I opened my right eye for a crack and recognised nothing, he was no longer there. My pulse raced faster, I had to tell him how I felt. I couldn't let him find anyone else. I gathered up my hem and stormed down the spiral staircase. My hair came loose and the chain slapped against my shoulder legs. I yanked open the door and tried to rush out. Instantly my heart slipped into my pants. I jerked back. "Darling, what's the hurry?"