The room was cold and smelled like scented incense as Hina placed a chrysanthemum flower next to a framed photo of the merchant, his favourite flowers.
Hina sat next to Kai and his sisters in the front row of the funeral home, watching the sad expression on people's faces as she listened to the indistinct mourning around her. She wondered if they were all truly sad or if they were simply acting like they were sad because it was expected of them to feel that way.
A few rows behind her, she spotted one woman who was a complete stranger to her sobbing like she was the one who had lost her husband. Hearing the woman's mournful whimpers, Hina evaluated her own emotions and knew she felt some sort of numbness and a sense of absolute displacement. She had seen how people often faked a cry to put on a show but it was simply impossible for her to generate a tear even if she was at gunpoint right there and then, and she wondered if that feeling made her a bad person.
Tanaka, unlike Hina, was bulging her eyes out beside her and Hina feared she would cry herself to death at this point. She had often viewed Tanny as very mature but seeing her now, she was just a child who had lost the only parent she had left...whatever the reason it was her mother was cast out, the woman never showed up over the years to visit her young daughter. Even today, she was not here so she might as well be dead.
Hina hugged onto crying Tanny in her embrace as the girl cried quietly.
[She's definitely going to be sick after this] Hina thought, gently shushing her with a light stroke of her hair as she told her "everything will be alright".
She noticed Marie look over at her with a scowl and just for that fleeting moment Hina's temper flickered. Although the woman barely said anything, actions spoke louder than words and she'd had just enough with little miss annoying expressions and couldn't wait for the woman to scurry away to wherever the heck she had come from. With much self-control, she dissolved her flaring anger down and refocused on Tanny.
It was hard to miss the prying gazes and indistinct whispers that circled the room- low chatters about how the merchant had such a young wife that was not even half his age, young enough to be his daughter.
[A bunch of gossip mongers] she thought, tuning out their whispers.
A graveside service, as arranged by the head maid, soon began an hour later. They all stood in the open air as they watched the customized black coffin getting lowered into the earth beneath their feet. Although undeserving, the merchant was placed next to his first wife's grave, a spot it seemed he had long reserved for himself just in case, as it was one of the things he had wanted.
Tanaka held onto Hina's and Kai's hand, standing in their midst as she seemed to have run out of tears to cry and her eyes already looked swollen. Gen and Issey had also been present at the funeral to pay their respects for the dead, both of them just as stunned as Hina as they could barely utter any words. Gen hugged Hina tightly for a while, patting on her back as she whispered "I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I'll always be here for you no matter what, don't forget that", putting a small smile on Hina's face as she nodded at the heartfelt words.
Random strangers and unfamiliar faces came up to Hina and the rest of the family, offering condolences and sympathy with pity in their eyes. Everyone seemed to say the same thing like "hang in there" or "I'm truly sorry for your loss", which she assumed was the most fitting thing they could all come up with.
A passing moment later, it was all over. The crowd had reduced to a countable few and Hina watched the eventual dispersion. They stayed for a moment to say their final goodbyes before heading back home. While Marie took one carriage with her husband and son, Hina, Tanaka and Kai all climbed into another, Tanny soon falling asleep on Hina's legs. Aside from Tanny's soft snores, the ride home was quiet between Kai and Hina. Just like that, the funeral was over. Hina thought back to the memories she could recall of the merchant. She was not going to pretend as if he was a great man; the fact that he bought a young child for some chump change and forced her to become his child bride all while constantly sleeping around with several women was never going to change. However, he was gone now...
Looking at the positive side, the few years she had spent by his side was much better than all the years she had spent with her vile mother who tortured and sold her away. He had been very kind to her over the years and through him, she had gotten an excellent education and a new family that she cherished. Yes, this was good enough. She knew it wasn't going to be easy peasy, but they would all get through this. Once the seasons' change and new memories are made, these sad times would be a thing of the past.