Something creep up out from my mind, I just think it again and again and realise that
' Mind is a battlefield for the good and the bad things.' My mind was full of shit you know, I kinda get hard that I got mix up the mind of craziness that I feel he was not my type though we were same. When I traced back to the blood relation between us actually, we were cousin means brother, in viewing to the mind of the people around us they might thought that we were friend but in my insane minds he is more than that . I've never felt the way I did to him before.
Pity on that thought, though I think about him high to that level but,what did he think about me?? Never cared it all or think about it ,to my own self I might be a type of game that was uninstall after fed up yet it can be installed when we wanna Play anytime, after all I'm happy for myself to let me know about being exist in the world.' I'm a bad person,you would need me in a bad situation.'
I don't care,what people think about me but I hope he might think the other way where I couldn't reach out, the thing I said about was out from my evil mind, full with Spirit of lust ,I hate myself for that. A cold hearted person don't actually show up their affection they feel about it. They were a person who inherited the character of all dad in the world as ; ' Daddy , don't show his love for you and me though we are the joy of his life'.
Did he even consider me even as his friend or brother?? Some people don't count me as one but I feel proud cause everyone are not same. when craziness overflow out of my mind, sometimes I loved to come to their home in absence of him and asked about everything he was related from his cousin,whom he used to live with.
He was proud I called him Peacock,for that he make some messy things in return that the other day it boil up my blood beyond the limits of and I've lost my mind , I couldn't control that I turn all his work that I helped into a pieces that can't be changed to anything else but useless sheet of paper. Our friendship was humorous but it turns to some other way that day which help me to see some of his interior. In sirach it says that ' If you stick something in your eye,tears will flow; and if you hurt a person deeply,you will discover his true feelings.' I did the same I thought I've hurt him deep that
he said ' Oh! you did it nicely at all.' In a low tone in the way of sad and soft hearted person he never used to be. Learning from the way he treated me,he avoid me of course but , the feeling that I have for him go even dipper as I understand what kind of person he was.
On a last day of that year I gifted him a sock out of my deep feeling I have for him as my good friend to beat the Winter night , though it was very chill with the season he doesn't loves to wear socks,cap and mufflers. I got an invitation from his home to dine with them together the last day of the year with a chicken dinner,after the meal we stay awake all night for the new year with my friends for they are back to enjoy the Christmas season.
We were born on the same month, January the beginning of the new year. I dropped off a party with my families for the first time in my life along with my cousin sister whom we were born on the same day the third of the month. So I just give him and my friends my birthday chocolates and cakes,his birthday was after twelve days,I got no personal phone I couldn't wish him, an idea strike up so,I gifted him a chocolate same with flavour on my day through his cousin. Hope he would be surprise, feel great and enjoy his day but , when I asked from his cousin about his reaction they said with a pale face
' You know he scolded us out of anger due to the present you gave.' I feel desperate at all . Some other day, he say to me ' Why do you gave me that much chocolate? I couldn't finish myself come and join me.' 'Huh! I said enjoy your time with that, nothing much.' ' Don't waste your money on that kind of thing,you acted like a immature kids, anyway thanks again for your gift to let me even remind my birthday,by the way how do you know the day??He asked me.
I answered ' What do you think, I make a friend with you so,I have to know each and every thing about you.'
I got that information from his ID .
He was a player of every game we play ,a tournament was hosted in our arena as the situation of the pandemic calm down awhile,he got not time to do resting so I helped him out in washing his clothes , even when he don't want to gave it I would collect the dirty ones from his room that was open to me at any time.
Since the class with online mode was continuing. It was virtual so,I attend his class to gave it the attendance most importantly. At the end of the month, an order was out from the head office of their college to resume the offline classes. When he was to leave for college the next day ,that night he came to my room I was all alone as all my siblings had gone for their own works.
He said to me ' I'm going back to college tommorow yet, I'm a person who don't know how to care younger ones sorry for that,thanks for your effort for me in needed time, anyway study hard I hope your school will also be reopened in some few days and forgive me for the mad act when I was drunk.'
'Huh! I interrupt you said all what I did was a work of freak'.
' I didn't mean it' he pushed back. I have his handkerchief that was soft and grey in color, I envy that thing ,the first time he brought.
I speak out ' Ummm!! your handkerchief before you leave,take it or gonna gave it to me huh!'
' Take it for I've been indebted to you.'
' Take!,take it back if you gonna say that word again.' I insisted.
' No, make it yours , Good night.' He said.
' Good night, safe journey my darling for you know I won't able to met you the morning.'
' Ok sure! stay strong and healthy.' He replied that was the last word and he left me alone with the Cold Night.