I don't think I could talk about what happened. I don't know how to say a fairy killed about four people. Held the eldest son hostage and dragged him by his shadow.
I can say that man's shadow, Lu-Sing. Is now driving the truck as we head back with his body and family consisting of ma, pa, sister, niece, and nephew.
And I have no arm.
I'm in tears, and I'm supposed to act like everything is ok. I'm so confused as to how this happened. I feel like it's happened before.
I wanna kill myself.
I have no arm. I had my leg fucking bit off by a monster. I'm fucking 12. "A little older." says Corrie. She looks to Uma. "Right?"
"I think her birthday is coming up." said Uma looking straight. "What you doing back at the barn?"
"Take care of Jesse."
"Isn't cool we have a whole Growden Child?"
"I'm surprised no claim to get him. And you're a fairy... shouldn't you snitch?"
"Mama ain't called..." she sighs. "Honestly, it's growing." she starts to whisper. "She bulit that coven and it keeps getting bigger and bigger."
"Don't you live there?" asks Uma. "I used to. I can't take my body no where." The car stops suddenly. "I saw an arm move."
"What?"
"I saw one of the arms move. They actually made it." she exasperates. "It's a male and female. Mum."
"I've never heard of Idols..."
"Well... I'm on the project." she mumbles. "I gotta make a sub body."
"In case?"
"Yep. Abner finna die."
"Janna keeps going to the back." says Uma.
"Kill him. Shuja ain't around..." the car takes off. What am I hearing? Who is Mum? Idols?
"So what is the Idol Project?" asks Uma. "Shikki... The Growden Clan, family, or whatever you call incest and rape.."
"Plus kidnapping..."
"So she made up Black Gods, right?"
"Yeah, everybody has a theory about it."
"But no proud ass Klux finna accept God is a nigga. That's not in the bible."
"I don't read it..." I perk my head up. "I'm muslim but I don't read the Quran. I just pray."
"What's wrong with the Quran?"
"I just don't read."
"Really? Can you read?"
"Yeah..." she says irritated. "I can read. I can read and still not like books."
"But it also makes sense that if you couldn't. That wouldn't like books."
"Corrie, goddamn it!" she snaps. "I don't read. In fact, the last book I ever read was Huckleberry Finn."
"Did you understand it?"
"I have a gun!"
Corrie snickers. "Relax. I'm joking."
.
.
.
We made it home. Corrie helped Uma get the bodies out the bed in the truck. Beulah comes out the barn and holds my hands.
She pushes me in the building and takes me to the baths. "You might be in here for a while. I'll come get you."
"I-I--" I was trying to tell her that I wet with Corrie and Uma to Yo Gotithehm Ten. "You don't have to tell me." she waves her hand in front of her. As we went into the baths. I saw Jesse lying down in one tub and another girl that was brown as cookie with freckles next to him. Her brown hair floated in the bathtub.
What happened while I was gone? I've never seen her.
Beulah's mumbling swears and insults as a fight breaks out in the kitchen. Something about sandwiches and pregnancy. The tub is full of little black pieces of paper. "Lord. I gotta clean up..." Beulah groans. "Hey!" she shouts to the back. "Who been in here?"
"I didn't see. We found the girl in the barn with Yoc." Wixuc comes to the door. "By the way, we can't find Janna."
"Nigga spare me. I ain't worried about that child."
"His daddy might come back." he says as he leaves the door. But Beulah gets her last word, "And I should be scared?"
I see her roll her eyes. She takes a ladle and scoops out the black bits. "Somebody burned to death..."
"Really?"
She scoops out bits and puts it in a bucket. Beulah peers into the tub, stirring the liquid. "What happened?" she pulls out a finger.
She examines the finger and pats my shoulder. "Baby go wait in the room. I might have to get another tub."
.
.
.
Beulah came around evening to tell me that I would have a bath tomorrow. Again, I did not have an arm.
I was in the bedrooms that were only mattresses. Good news, I was gone long enough we got new mattresses. And some baby blankets. I stretched out on one mattress. It was so comfortable I forgot you need a base to make a bed. I grab a baby blanket and was delighted to cover my shoulders. "No."
"What?"
Raquel speeds in the room and slaps me. "My blanket." She tugs the blanket off my shoulders. "Get off me!" I pull the blanket with my one arm and kick her lower leg. "Give it!" She digs her nails in my arm. I pull and wrap the blanket around my fist. Tugging with all my might. "Let go!" I scream. I kick her again in her knee. "Ow!" she holds the back of her leg and gives up in frustration. "I'll kill you tonight!"
"Fuck you!"
"Nigger!"
"RAQUEL!" Karolina shrieks. "Get that ass over here. I told you!"
"I didn't--"
"You a goddamn lie. Come get this belt!"
She frowns headed to the exit. "I'm telling daddy."
"What?" I'm sickened. "You ain't got no daddy..."
"I do to." she flaunts her hair which falls off her head. "He kissed me."
"You so fucking stupid..." I scorn. "RAQUEL!" Karolina blares.
This bitch tried to fight me for a blanket. I heard some swoops and claps for hours. I heard some tears gather. I even shuddered.
Through it all, I didn't give a fuck.
When night rolled around. Clayton slept next to me with his arm over me. I thought it strange and hoped he would eventually turn in his sleep. I just dealt with it and my pulled my blanket close.
I had a dream. Not like King but I had a dream and I was on fire in my dream. I yelled for help but nobody came. I was outside looking at the tree with people. They were on fire and still dead.
I had a dream about dead bodies on fire, a man with three legs approached the tree. He was a vampire and he wore a white sheet over his body. He was built like a goat in the lower body with a third leg behind him.
He had a wide set of black eyes and one tooth. He rose his hands to the tree and the trees branch began to disintegrate.
One of the branches fall off and turned into a snake. I was standing on fire and the snake slithered towards me. It crept up my leg and a felt a pressure.
There was a voice in the back of my head. I couldn't hear it and woke up to screaming.
"AHHHHH! GET OFF ME!" the bed was wet. I turned over and Janna was biting Clayton's throat. I jostled off the mattress before I understood I was in a room full of dead bodies.
I raced to the door and the kitchen was on fire.
The goat man came from the backyard and in the yard, in the window; was a woman with white skin and strange eyes that were different sizes.
"And he said to me." I heard the goat. "And said to me. I take my blood with me, with my children, with my family but not to you. And I said to him."
It sounded like the bible...
"And I said to him... I will never let you be. For the blood in me is black. I came from the blackest people and those people came from blacker to which is unseen but rich."
And he vanished appearing before me. "Do you understand?"
"CEDRICA!"
I can't breathe...
"CEDRICA!" a hand lands on my cheek. "You pissing the bed. Wake up!
I can see. "She's sleeping with her eyes open." I hear Uma. "Mama! I think she's dead!"