"When I was a little girl, I grew up in the slums of the undercarriage." Rakara keeps her gaze down, fidgeting with my hair that she loves to touch and comb with her fingers.
"I have known about that for a little while now." I inform her, remembering her little slip of information from one of our past conversations.
She takes a steady breath, "You wanted to know how I got the scars on my back?" Looking up into my eyes, I can see deep scars being ripped open to reveal her pain. I'm hesitant to make her remember such painful memories, but she is willing to which is rare.
"Tell me only what you feel comfortable with. If it becomes too much, I will not ask you to explain any further." Noticing the chills on her skin, I reach for the blankets and cover us up.
"Thank you." She mumbles giving me a small smile as she curls up in my arms again.
"The ones on my shoulder... My father was a drunk and would get cruel and mean when the money ran out. He was in the military guards when he met my mother, but for obvious reasons ended up working in a smelting factory. Mama was a laundry woman and worked in the pub that sold meals. Even when she was pregnant with me, she worked both jobs to pay for our home and food, if he didn't beat it from her first." Her voice hardened and her body tensed as she continued.
"I was four, playing with my only toy. Teddy. He was a stuffed bear my mama got me secretly, telling my father that one of the houses she did laundry for threw it out. My father saw the bear and called my mama a liar and a whore. I was crying in the corner, holding my new teddy tightly, as mama struggled to get up off the floor. My father had charged at me to take the bear, but mama stood in front of me, taking the majority of the blow." Tears rolled down her face, but she still continued.
"Me and mama hit the wall, my shoulder scraped and filled with splinters from the rough wood planks. Mrs. Vathy had come to pay us a visit with her husband and heard the sound from outside. Mr. Vathy took my father out 'for a drink' while Mrs. Vathy took care of me and momma best she could. I got to keep Teddy, but from then on out, I was told to hide from my father when he was drunk." Her tears continued, and she let out a sniffle as I held her, clutching her tightly to me.
Her hand on my chest, pushes me gently away as she sighs. "The larger one down my spine happened after Mrs. Vathy's husband had beat her close to death, crippling her back to where she never was able to stand straight up again. Mrs. Vathy said her husband died because he drank a bottle of poison by accident since he was drunk. My father, was upset over the loss of his friend. But since we had visited to check on Mrs Vathy, he became irate that we would go see his friends 'murderer'." Silent tears still fell down her face as she grew angry thinking and reliving it to tell me.
"He accused her of so many things that were not true. He accused my momma of 'loving me more than him'. She told him that 'she's our daughter', which he didn't like that. He was beating momma and I ran up and started beating on him with my tiny fists. He back handed me so hard, it threw me at our stove, and the metal shovel for the ashes wedged into my back. I'm lucky really... I don't want to think what would have happened to me if it had cut through my spine and I was crippled."
Tears fell down from her harder as she went on with her childhood. "When I was seven, he had twisted my leg, during a beating the night before. Momma had not got home from work yet and my father was not supposed to be home yet, but he was. I was playing with Teddy and saw him coming from the window. I ran and hid behind the large wardrobe in the bedroom, since I was just small enough to slide in there. I clutched my Teddy and I remember just repeating in my head over and over, 'Please don't find me, please don't find me', as he searched our little shack. Ranting, calling out for me."
"Then my mother got home from work and called out for me. When she saw my father, she asked him why he was not at work and he went on about me stealing his drinking money. My mom defended me, saying I was not a thief and told him he drank the money away already. He pushed her and tried to find me, but momma didn't know where I was. He slapped her around and asked for her money from work. She refused him and he searched her, finding what he wanted, he stomped on her back so many times."
A sob escapes her as she tries to take a few shaky breaths, "When he left, I crawled out from behind the wardrobe and ran to my mother who was still lying on the ground. I helped her get up and she told me that he broke her ribs this time. I got her cleaned up and helped make some thin vegetable soup and then she took me and all my stuff to Mrs. Vathy's. Mrs. Vathy made her lie down in her bed while she went to go get the doctor seeing her condition."
"While Mrs. Vathy was gone, Momma was tired, so I told her to sleep and I would wake her when the doctor arrived. My momma told me that day, that the only thing my father gave her, is her one joy in life. That it was me. That she loved me and not to be stupid like her and marry a man just because he said nice things, that he needed to treat me well too."
She was having trouble forming words in between her sobs now, "That was...the last....time...before....doctor.....she....died."
I do the only thing I can. I pull her close to me and let her cry, "I'm so sorry, Rakara. No one deserves that treatment and I'm sorry you lost your mother. Go ahead and cry, my dear. I've got you."
I don't know how long she cried for, but I didn't care. All I could think about was wishing I could get my hands on her father and do exactly to him, what he had done to his wife and daughter. I stroke her back and hair, snapping a handkerchief for her, once she's started to calm down.
I feel the need to explain to her how I am feeling. "Rakara, do you really think that any of that would truly make me not want you anymore?" I grasp her face gently in between my hands, wiping the tears that still fall from her eyes with my thumbs.
"I don't know." Her face scrunches as more tears begin to form.
"Shh. .. Shhh... Rakara, I do not look at you any differently than before. If anything, I care for you more than before you told me all this. When I come back, I will prove it to you." I kiss her tenderly, promising her more with my lips than my words could tell her.
When our lips part, her face scrunches.
"Bav, you said earlier that you are the eldest prince, right?" She asks me, confusion on her face.
"Yes, I did." My brows furrow, puzzled why the sudden question.
"What did you mean when you said that the eldest was banished because and I quote, 'he is a monster.'? Did you mean the king or yourself?"
I pause and chuckle before telling her seriously, "The king, I was speaking about the king who is truly a heartless monster."
"Why were you banished?" She asks timidly.
I take a deep breath, thinking of how to go about telling her this.
"I was hiding something from my father, who found out about it. He used this as an excuse to torture me and get rid of the parts he did not care for." Malice drips from my voice and I quickly clear my throat. Resting my eyes upon her face, I can tell she's still attempting to formulate a picture or question in her mind.
"What is it, Kara?"
"You said he tortured you and got rid of the parts he did not care for.... What are the parts that you spoke of? What were you hiding that he would torture you?" Her big curious eyes read my own as I attempt to see how much I could tell her without scaring her away.
I lay on my back, sighing looking at the ceiling with Kara still wrapped close to me with one arm.
"The king, used to be kind, but slowly turned to what he is now, unmerciful and cruel. He became so much of an evil sadistic animal that my mother left him and went into hiding. This only drove the king to become worse than what he was. Mother would still contact her children, I was the one she would contact the most. She asked me to help her make some safe havens, heavily protected from all things, to protect a race that my father wanted to exterminate and enslave. I agreed. He found out and tied me to a pole in front of my brothers and sisters, the nobles in his courts... Then proceeded to have me flogged for 'magical misuse and acts against his reign.' Everyone assumed I became a dark magic user and had tried to attack my...the king." I shuddered at the memory of the sound of the floggers heavy breathe as he swung the leathers at my body and the cries that escaped me.
Pain evident in her voice, she starts to fuss over me, combing my hair with her fingers.
"Bav, I'm so sorry." She wraps her arms tighter around me, her leg moving over my own.
"You don't need to apologize you did nothing wrong." I left the rest of the story out. I can explain to her that when I come back.
Her leg moves across me, her heat against my side making me start to grow again. Groaning, I grab her leg and hold it still.
"Let's get some sleep, darling." I kiss her forehead, and we lay there holding each other until my eyes finally close.