Sweet-scented, eye candy, and a beautifier.
Those lovely specimen that creeps thru meadows and junctions. Caressing the passerby as if their existence is already a form of contentment. Petals with dynamic palettes serving comfort to the onlookers particularly those enthusiasts that adore them. Comparing to those, they are greater creatures than I am.
Or so that's what people made me feel yet I envied them.
People cared for you, watered you, think of you and you can depend on them while giving them only your existence alone as a piece of decoration, nothing more. You don't have to impress them to get their favor. Nor worry about yourself, because you are loved.
Whenever I spotted a happy one, it's like it speaks, quote...
"You are enough."
Something I envy... I crave for.
If somehow it's a person, probably they will be optimistic with the affection they received. They are given warmth and care earnestly. They will be thankful, they won't ask for more.
During my early years, I often adjured to the Supreme or to whoever is there to listen. I beseeched to the Gods that if one day, once I've been rebirth, I desire to be that kind of flower that everyone loves. Blooming happily with the owner that treasures me equally to anything in this world. Take good custody of my existence as if I'm a fellow living human being.
There, that will be the only time, I will feel humane...
unlike now.
A throbbing pain is coming from the back of my head. I can perceive that the slipper that was harshly thrown is filled with anguish whom now is lying lifeless on the ground. That 'Mayari' rushed towards me to inspect me more and curiosity, probably, as to why I'm here.
"You scoundrel! How dare you to show your face here?! You want to apologize??" an abrupt cuss followed. I scoffed as I was left dumbfounded. Surely, fate made me do something, something complex and impossible. Yet my ego tells me to hold it in. I can't back down.
"Be composed," it kept on repeating inside my head. Reminding me that the worst things can happen if I added fuel to the existing fire. So sorry not sorry, I'll just think that I never went here and will forget about meeting her. I can't waste more time now that I've been given a second time around.
Although I can still feel an agonizing sensation from her, my head is already focused on leaving. "You human beings are leech! How come God loves you. And I once did but comparing to people before? You are far more WORSE! It's sickening!" As if she's detailing that she's not from here while accenting that people did things to her. She continued to yelp for me to know all but it sounded vague. She brought the commotion inside and wreck almost every property there is. Out of a sudden, an old worker came. "Are you her guardian?"
I shook my head hard in complete rejection. "No, no, no. You're mistaken. Look, she's a psychopath who started attacking and stalking me out of nowhere. I didn't know why she's here in the first place" I explained despite the fact of leaving some details behind to not cause any more misinterpretations.
"Oh, okay then sir. Then why did she know you? Or what business made you, kind sir to come here?" she asked respectively. Some more workers ran and seize her, diverting both our attention to the ruckus.
I glanced. "You will pay" mouthing those words muted. The look from her eyes utters pity that made me slightly more remorseful. The worker tapped my shoulder. "Don't worry much about her. Seems like she caused havoc anywhere she's been. But we will get her settled sooner or later. Unfortunately, the asylum can't yet accept her due to an unrecorded database regarding her citizenship. Similar that she's not from here. It will take us some time to process her transfer, so for now she's staying here while we accommodate her stay. Well, this is an orphanage." The worker thoroughly explained to me what's going on with her. A feeling of conscience hit me like thunder on a silent night. Something I tried to evade myself in.
I thanked the workers. Then sent me off as soon as I told them I mistook the place for somewhere else. Those are some hardworking ladies, I salute them for taking responsibility for that troublesome gal.
I'm at the entrance of the orphanage and when I got out, the breeze welcomed me away from that suffocating environment I was just in. I take a deep breath to somehow relieve the stress. I'm starting to regret questioning and relying on fate with my decisions.
There, it's already lunchtime. My tummy's growling and so, I went for some inexpensive meal.
Inside the convenience store, I charged my phone in an available port and heated a ready-to-eat budget meal. Paid for those and devoured it already. If I wait any longer, I can faint any moment here on.
Then, the dusk ceases concluding me not getting into any job at all. It's tiresome, indeed.
Exhaustion filled the totality of my body. Creating a whirling sensation along with the feeling of hyperventilating. I instantaneously blacked out.
A hazy feeling proceeds to make me feel a sensation of combined uneasiness yet home.
Out of a sudden, a hallucination occurred.
On a turf of greens, a drifting flower of a sun-kissed hue and purity mingled together on its petal. It's blooming with fragrance. I often pronounce them as the "happy one" ever since I'm a child. As I'm observing its fall, it's slowly withering, leaving me in shock. However, my body stayed unmoved as if I'm paralyzed. I tried to move. Harder. Wanting to touch it, so I can protect it before it hits the ground. Tears came rolling down my cheeks and when I tried to shout. No sound came out. It all came unspoken. I whimper because that's the only thing I can express what's building up inside.
The flower is gradually transitioning to brown. It's becoming too fragile as it's descending.
Abruptly, a baritone voice shattered me. Murmuring something repeatedly. Then, it started to be audible simultaneously with the flower.
"It is unloved. That's why it's withering."
I moaned even further.
But, what's more devastating is that the person telling me this...
is me.