The next day, Li Na was fidgeting, she told herself that she wasn't going to go. That Li Jun couldn't come into her office, say all that to her, then expect her to come panting after him like a dog in heat.
It's one of those days she wishes her leave was approved, but what would that prove? To Li Jun, it would prove her weaknesses—She is not a coward, she will not run away from what she is afraid we could become.
She spent the rest of the day distracted and furious, both at him and at herself. Particularly at the way her body had responded to him and his voice, to those rough, sweet words he'd said to her. His words set her free.
Sitting at her desk, grading the papers later that day, Li Na ran a red line angrily through a copied reference by her supervisee(What! Students are not even ready to go on such length to research anylonger).
No, she didn't want to be lured around by her emotions, being there, done that. She wanted to get on with her life and stop thinking about it. Which should have been easy, given the mountain of postgraduate papers she had to mark.
But naturally, Li Jun's words and promise of what is to come when he visited her keep luring her to lustful imaginations making her lose focus.
Frustrated, she pushed aside the papers she'd just graded and pulled over another one. She didn't know what the hell this particular student was trying to do by including some a 90s reference in his literature review, Irises are planted in a sunny spot in late summer. The plants need well-drained soil and at least six hours of sunlight per day.
Her focus wavered for a second. As the words, Li Jun said during their passionate affair passed through her mind, Iris. My Goddess…
She'd almost forgotten the words he'd whispered against her skin. Words she hadn't fully taken in at the time.
You are my Iris.
And that wasn't the only thing he'd said. There had been other phrases, spoken as he'd pushed inside her. As he held himself above her, chasing his own climax after he'd given one to her.
She stared at the black letters on the white paper. At the lines of her red pen. Everything is suddenly blurring.
He hadn't meant to say those things, she was sure of it. Yet he had. Did it mean something? Anything? Or was she grasping at straws? Trying to look for meaning where there wasn't any?
You are my Iris…haaaaa.
She felt frustrated. Wow! You are really bewitched by Him, Li Na.
Li Na dropped her pen. She'd told herself it was just a fleeting emotion but her recent actions have shown that it was more than that. She let out a breath and put her head in her hands.
Crap, she thought she was not being caged down by her past, but she was still being controlled by her fears as she remembered what Chen Yīn'àn, her ex, did to her. Seemed as if the moment she realized she was out of such emotion of fear, she'd run back to it and immerse herself in it.
Ha, was she ever going to be free of this?
You could go see him this evening. Show him you're not a coward.
Yeah, perhaps she should. Perhaps she should man up just like her friend Zhang Xiu always says.
Li Na reached for her phone then leaned back in her chair, bringing up her therapist number(Dr. Li) to send him a text, ask him for his advice.
Then she stopped. She didn't need Dr. Li's advice. Li Jun was right. It was time she stopped letting her fear do her thinking for her. It was time she stepped out of that shackles for real.
In the midst of trying to calm and encourage herself, Her cell phone vibrated as she noticed a slew of texts. All from Li Jun. Talk of the devil. The first comes mere minutes.
'Li Na, Remember, No more fear. Can't wait to see you again. My place this evening?'
Oh, Yeah, No more fear. She scrolled down to read the others. The next one comes about some seconds after the first.
"Hey, you there? What are you doing?' *Li Na, I'm missing you already, please, don't dare change your mind. okay?*
His last text is what leaves Li Na perturbed, it seems she has no choice except to do what her heart wants though so much is at stake. This is not over. Not like this. She going to take the chance given to her by all means.
......
"I'm busy, I won't be in the office today," Li Jun muttered through his phone.
"Li Jun! What the- How I'm supposed to run the office when you go awol on me" Chen Guang, Li Jun friend answered with exasperation.
"How am I supposed to sign the contract with the way you are running away from the office nowadays!OMG! How I missed your workaholic days" He proceeded as the sound of files hitting the table filtered through the phone to Li Jun's ear.
Li Jun grimaced at the way his friend was shouting on the phone, he was feeling frustrated. "Don't worry I will approve a few days for you to relax, how about that?" he appleade.
Chen Guang breathes in. "are you sure, don't you dare deceive me," he warned.
"Yes. Just do your job and I will give you three days...Okay. Bye." Li Jun cut off the phone before his friend could reply. Running on the treadmill, Li Jun has been going through his phone for Li Na's reply for he has sent several messages before his friend called him.
The thought of Li Na has been distracting him and he decided to just take a day to stay at home as he was expecting Li Na to come by.
Li Jun had told himself he didn't care if she came or not.
He also skipped his last lecture of the day and went home, sweating out his frustration and anxiety on the treadmill placed in the extra room of his apartment. Being with Li Na has made him addicted to the peace and rush she gave him.
Li Jun scowled as he waited for her reply, kept on running on the treadmill. But of course, he couldn't deny the truth. Being with her was a freaking rush. And that kind of made him question himself and his motivations for demanding more from their relationship.
Was it really for her? Or was he only indulging himself?
He increased the speed, his muscles were straining hard, taunting him about the feeling he was missing.
Oh, she'd enjoyed what they'd done that night, that had been obvious, but he'd been pretty tough in her office today, propelled by anger and a pretty massive helping of desire. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't visit him.
He wanted her. He wanted her not to feel burdened by their relationship. And maybe that was selfish of him, but hadn't he earned the right to be selfish these days?
He'd spent years feeling frozen inside. Feeling numb. During the time he heard the death of his parents at the same time witnessing the way his Ex-girlfriend died, he had headed into spirals of drinking and drugs afterward, tortured by their deaths.
But with the help of his grandparents, he was able to get a hold of himself before he was completely lost. Despite the therapy, there is a part of him that feels empty.
But since the first day he met Li Na, the empty feeling has gradually disappeared, she was a bigger addiction than any drug. More intoxicating than any drink. She made him feel and he wanted more of it. Craved it.
He hit the stop button on the treadmill with his heartbeat thumping loud.
Shit, he was feeling anxious as he waited for her to come knocking on his door. At that moment the intercom buzzed with much frenzy alerting him at once.
Li Jun stopped, swinging his body towards the door, his heart pounding. He was covered in sweat and his muscles aching. He overdid it. If that was her, it was bad timing.