Li Jun watched Li Na carefully as she fidgeted with her lips between her lips.
"I've got questions about you, but there are a few things I need to tell you first. And I have to say them now, otherwise, I'm not going to be able to do it."
Tension began to coil inside him. "What things?"
"Things about me. My truth. My Past. I owe you that at least. It's not going to be easy, though. I don't like talking about it, so I don't want you to push me. Just…let me get there in my own time."
He waited, not saying anything, the tension tightening in his shoulders even further. Whatever it was she was going to tell him, it wasn't going to be good.
She glanced away, looking down at the floor. "After getting my Ph.D., I was twenty-six, I got a recommendation as a junior lecturer at Fudan University. And while I was there I met Chen Yinan.
He was my boss, a senior lecturer and a professor, a brilliant, charismatic man, and I thought the sun rose up with his words. My mother knew him as the son of one of her clients in the business world and she approved of him. Anyway, the feeling was mutual and since I never got a lot of attention at home, I thought I was in Nirvana. The experience of feeling important to one person was thrilling." She paused.
"He seduced me easily—he was the one who showed me what I thought friendship is. I fell in love with him in a matter of weeks.
It was all great until I discovered that he was accused of rape and extortion of money from students as a way to give them higher grades and he was face to judgment in the school senate, so he was suspended with no pay. I heard about it and that should have given me a signal but I was a besotted fool, I was clearly confused because he does not seem like such a man. He convinced me and since his word was like a gospel, I believed him when he said that one of his friends was jealous of his achievement and blackmailed him such evidence that he did not commit." she continued.
"He wasn't able to get another teaching position in the States for months, and it was around that time I was promoted and awarded as the upcoming plant science Lecturer in the university and in the country."
Her voice stayed flat, emotionless. "He was…very bitter and he took it out on me accusing me that I cut corners to have such achievement. I tried hard to convince him and make it better for him. To make things okay. But nothing I did was right. He blamed me for the fact that he'd lost his job. And…" She stopped and a silence fell. Her jaw locked tight, her shoulders hunched.
Li Jun's fingers closed around the tap, almost hard enough to shatter it.
"He took out his bitterness on me." Her voice was quiet, the frozen tone from her becoming rough. "When He was drunk he would slap me or throw things at me, it was when he threw a hot bottle of water at me that was the time I got the mark on my back. And later when he was sober he would plead with me that it was a mistake.
"And I can't leave him because he was in such a situation because when I was down he was there to cheer me up. I was blinded by what I thought was love." She laughed with derision at herself.
"Mind you, I have not slept with him, I was still a virgin. He always urges me to sleep with him but I will tell him that when we get married that was when I will give him my first night.
One night we went to a night party which was thrown by one of his friends. I was not comfortable that night. We were dancing when he grabbed and grind into me and promised to f**k me Like a whore if I don't give in to him." She bent her head, looking down at the dried-up soap on her hand. "
I felt afraid and disgusted but decided to give him a reason that he was drunk and he didn't know what he was doing. He went to one of his friends and asked for the key to one of the rooms to rest. With how gullible I am, I followed him so that he didn't slip on the stairs. He--"
"Shit, Li Na don't—"
She shook her head at Li Jun "I was so naïve I believed him. And I wanted to make things better between us. I thought if I stay with him and overlook his irrational actions it would make him better. It would make him love me again. But he--."
The tap knob at the sink was harsh against Li Jun's fingertips. With a little more force, he might totally dislodge the knob. He was bursting at the seams with irritation and rage, and he desperately wanted to find the lunatic. He wanted to get a knife and slash the jerk who had harmed her. He also felt guilty and mortified, though, since he remembered his own deeds when he was intoxicated and had a hangover.
"I-I'm so sorry Li Na, You don't have to tell me the details," he said harshly. "Not if it's too painful for you to remember."
"I have to." She kept her gaze on her hands. "I have to if I want to get past this."
"Li Na—"
"As I dragged him into the room, he suddenly turned on me and gripped me at my neck, Then he beat me. Quite hard. He tore at my cloth, I really, really didn't want to have sex with him and Yinan knew that, but… He shouted at me that if I truly love him and I want him to trust him, I should give myself completely to him, and everything would be better between us. That it would bring us closer." She said the words like they were coated in Hydochloric acid.
"But I don't want my first time to be taken forcefully, not like that, So I fought him hard. But he went ahead and forced himself on me until I was able to push him away and grab a bottle of drink he dropped haphazardly and knock him on the head with it. Torn and bruise I went home with my heartbroken and shattered."
As he listened, Li Jun was overcome with wrath, and he had to move away from the tap before succumbing to his rage. "It wasn't your fault," he murmured, knowing it was a trivial thing to say but having nothing better to say.
She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "Oh, I'm aware of it. He didn't, after all, hold a knife to my neck or a gun to my head. I just screwed up by falling in love with him." Her tone was frigid and lifeless. And he understood why. She was putting distance between herself and memory.
Well, it's no surprise. He made fists with his hands, the want to hurt someone consuming him. "So, what happened?"
She had gone very still and she closed her eyes. "I don't want to continue."
He didn't want to push, because she'd told him not to, and it wasn't her he wanted to hurt. And yet… She was in pain already. Forcing away his rage, he said gently, "But you've told me what matters. And I think that's why you're here, isn't it?"
She quickly covered her face with her hands. "I-I can't." Her voice was hardly audible. "I'm sorry, but I'm not able to."
He was well aware that bad memories were unpleasant. And he had no right to make her relive hers. That didn't mean he had to sit there and watch her struggle with the painful memories.
He reached for her, pulling her into his arms. Giving her the only thing he could, physical comfort.
Li Na was shivering and she pressed her palms to his chest as if to hold him off. But then she buried her face in his neck, her body melting against his as if she were the one who was cold.
He didn't have any words of advice to offer because he was a fine one to talk to when he didn't want to tell anyone about what had happened to him. So he stood there and held her tight. Giving her back the warmth she'd always given him.
And, despite the fact that his body reacted to her warmth and suppleness as it usually did, he remained still. It wasn't about physical intimacy, after all.
At least it wasn't until she shifted her head slightly. And he felt her nose nuzzling the hollow of his throat and trailing it with kisses.
Li Jun was hot and bothered as she continued to purr like a cat. Her passion ignited with burning sensuality as she relaxed from the prior anxiety.
This is enough to keep him in a state of unreleased strain. They tangle themselves together towards Li Jun's room in anticipation of what is to come while holding on to each other, panting, their hands never leaving the other's body.
Li Na was indulging in the combination of their eager friction and their burgeoning romance, which leaves her arching her back for what is to come as they tangle themselves together towards Li Jun's room in anticipation of what is to come while holding on to each other, panting, their hands never leaving the other's body.
Li Jun had the impression that they could lay here in this position forever, living in this moment till the end of time. However, this is simply the beginning of a long journey.
He ran his fingers through her hair in fiery passion, taming the wild strands that have become messy and tangled from their exertions. His eyes meet Li Na's and for the first time in a while, it took her a moment to look into his golden pools of passion and see into his soul.
She can see that she has him completely intrigued. Li Jun kissed the tip of her nose and then her lips after Li Na smiled at him with unbridled affection. They cherished the moment, wanting to take down notes and memorize them.