When Liza arrived at the office first,
I just came and entered the study.
Liza's gloomy face since dawn was still a sight to adorn her work day, I who came were not greeted or ignored either intentionally or unintentionally, even though we usually greeted each other even more than that, kiss left and right cheek. Were also followed by laughter. Even though we were together this morning.
"Liz, why are you, since dawn, you're stingy, you don't want to talk to me?" I asked myself, holding her shoulder as she arranged the files on the desk.
"Okay, just get to the point, Nez, stop bothering people" she said that made me think, what does she mean?
"What happened last night?" I set out follow-up questions for her.
"Nez, tell me where were you last night?" Liza is half interrogating me.
"I-in--sugar cane field" I replied while swallowing saliva because of the uncomfortable position right now.
"Cane field? In the middle of that field over there?" she continued in a higher tone. I nodded slowly because I knew she was going to puke.
"Now answer honestly, what are you doing in the fields at night until the morning? Are you making love?" she accused me of striking me without further ado so that I stammered to answer her.
What should I say because we both wanted to make love last night, but it still didn't go too far because Arman put the brakes on it, "we don't make love Liz, yes like a couple who don't want to be separated, we just let go of longing and make out, but it's not too much." I said trying to be relaxed and casual. while he shook his head.
"Who started first, he or you?" eeeh to this detail Liza wants to know, I'm so embarrassed what else to answer?
"I am the tease him first." I said indeed
according to the fact I started first
"PLAKH!!!" I was suddenly surprised that Liza slapped me, as if there was no way she could do this to me.
"So a girl like you don't have any self-respect, Nez? Shame on the women!" Liza's face turned very cynical and red instantly.
I was about to cry, "you think I'm a Sister right? If my sister does that, even though she's not you, I'll be angry with you, because it's wrong!" she added while I was silent.
"Nez, let's face it more maturely, don't you know your behavior lately is worrying everyone, bothering everyone, how long have you been like this?" while turning around so that we were standing opposite each other, I who was shorter than him looked up and still holding my cheek, "don't you think? You will leave Arman, you will marry another man, think about it, the more intimate your relationship is with him, how did Arman feel when you left? you'll hurt him even more! it's good to have fun with your husband later, what about Arman?" She said exploding to me. left me speechless, only tears that finally came out too.
do you like your husband? how good it is with him, while I hate that person!" I thought in my heart.
"Don't let this happen again, I really don't want to help you anymore, try to think about other people's problems, don't just ask other people to carry your problems, everyone has their own problems Nez" shook her head as if Liza angry with me and my behavior that I never realized.
You know I'm making out in the sugarcane fields like this, what if he finds out we're making out in the bathroom again? even without clothes at all, this Liza must have chopped me up.
"Yeah, I'm a troublemaker huh? Well I don't want to sister you anymore, oh I know, I'm like this and it's crazy, you won't understand! How it feels to be hurt by love, and how it feels to not be able to have someone we love, I I'm really down, and you feel burdened, okay" I didn't expect those words to come from Liza, a woman who I consider my own sister, she always makes me feel comfortable because I'm an only child alone who has no siblings to complain or share feelings, only her and the other two who had been my sisters all along.
"What?! You're wrong Nez ... you said I don't understand the meaning of love and the meaning of hurt?! Really, the World of Love is only yours, right? You've known me for so long, you don't know anything about me at all! Do you know you?!" She answered while raising her hand and showing her index finger in front of my face, "all you know is about you and about yourself, for you love is only yours! where have you ever cared about other people's lives, you only thought about yourself" did not feel suddenly This breath is both heavy and Liza's eyes start to tear up, huh ... Liza was about to shed tears too, she pulled her hand away and looked away at once turned around and ran away from me and her office,
Liza ... what happened to her? Was it that bad of a heart to me that had been fine all this time, was it me who had been evil all this time without me realizing it? why didn't she tell from yesterday and yesterday, why only today?.
The atmosphere of the workplace looks and feels as usual, the employees pass by with all their busyness as well as the work that is waiting for them from morning to evening, everything looks the same as the days before, but there is something different from usual Liza doesn't greet me from the start. At the beginning of my arrival, the face that adorned also looked grim. Do I really don't want to understand other people? am i only selfish.. i'm in a broken position, understand Liz ... i need the embrace of my loved ones, you and the others Liz, but why are you like this?! I don't understand and just racking my brain to remember something, did I miss something? so she vomits on me?
"Liz ... wait for me, why are you Liza" I chased behind her who was far behind because of my slow thinking activity earlier.
"Inez, what's wrong?!" when I was running, I met Ardy who stopped my steps.
"Liza suddenly got angry with me and ran away from me, but I want to know what did I do wrong?"
"Let me chase and persuade you, just continue your work, I'll tell you later" Ardy tried
calmed me down and immediately turned towards Liza.
I just obeyed Ardy's suggestion, unsteady steps accompanied by a confused heart circled my head as I walked slowly to my original place. I can't understand what made Liza so angry with me for so many years we just got along just fine, there was never any meaningful debate.
I don't want to bother anyone, but I'm seriously ill, sick that can't be seen from the outside because my body looks fine, but my soul is shaken.. my heart is torn apart ... my heart is drooping helplessly. what should I do other than ask for help and support from people I trust?