"Sorry?"
I said, thinking I definitely heard wrong.
"Sleep with me"
she said again point blank. I scoffed softly and said
" I really don't understand what it is you need ma'am, but we only counsel people here." I explained further.
"I can't have sex, I feel nothing for the opposite sex and my friend said you could help me, I'd figured you were going to try to do it with me to make me better, guess I was wrong. I'll just take my leave, sorry to bother you" she said.
"No it's okay ma'am, please. I might not be able to help the way you think I would but trust me I'll definitely help you the best way I can. You said you do not feel sexually attracted to men?" I asked again
"Yes, I don't and it's been really affecting my relationship with men. No matter how hard I try I just don't feel anything. Not that I don't like them, I do but when it's comes to sexual attraction I'm as cold as ice"
"Okay, what about women, do you feel anything when you see a woman maybe when she's naked or something" I asked further
"No, I'm not gay. That's not the issue"
"In that case, what you have is just a sexual identity, and luckily for us it's got a name to it. It's called ASEXUALITY. This is a lack of sexual attraction or little or no interest in any sexual activity. I just want you to know there's nothing wrong with you, it's just another form of sexuality. I'll be asking a few personal questions if that's okay with you" I asked.
I know you are thinking right now that I finally got a normal session of counseling. Yes I did and I'm glad too.
"Please go ahead" she replied swiftly
It felt like she didn't want to use past her time so as not to attract extra charges. From her voice I could tell she wasn't one of my weird rich clients. She was just an average young woman looking for answers and I was more than happy to do this.
"When you engage in any sexual activity with a man, do you feel arousal and just don't feel the urge or need to go further or act on it?" I asked again
"No, I don't feel arousal, I don't have an urge. I don't feel anything at all. I just feel like a log of wood".
"Okay,but before we proceed, I need to let you know this isn't something you can get rid of in just one session. You will have to come for counseling a few more time then we will do a follow up on how you are improving" I noted.
" I really don't know how that is going to work, I'm a police officer and I do not get much free time. I already gave up on relationships but my friend insisted I come here that you would help me and the fact that you didn't care about your client's identity felt reassuring. This whole situation is embarrassing enough for me, what can you do to help me?"
"There is nothing embarrassing about what you have ma'am and we will definitely work it out together. We could run a virtual session whenever you can't make it here if that's okay with you" I suggested
"Oh, that's perfect thank you so much. Erm, about your fee, do I get a discount or something?" She asked shyly.
"It's okay, you can just pay by installment when we are done and you are fine" I said in a friendly tone.
"Really?! I really appreciate it, thank you so much" she sounded elated and relieved
Of course I do not take installment payment and Sarah was going to scold me later for it but hey, this is the first normal job I'll be getting in months, I'm not going to just let it go and then the young woman sounded desperate. Let's just say it's my own way of giving back to the society.
" I think we can continue now, so you said you usually do not feel anything at all. May I ask if you experienced any trauma in the past related to a sexual activity. Maybe from your childhood or whenever."
"I don't feel comfortable talking about this but since you don't know me I guess it's okay. My dad was a civil servant before he died. It was just a week after his death, we were still mourning when these men stormed our house with guns. I was just twelve. They were banging our door loudly and threatened to pull it down if we didn't open it. My mom hurriedly hid me inside our wardrobe. Before she could leave the room, they were already in. They beat my mom, sexually assaulted her until she took her last breath, I still get nightmares from that night, it was dreadful" she broke into tears
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry I made you relieve that horrible past".
I was really concerned and saddened by her story. I never expected she had gone through something like that. She sounded like someone cold and tough initially.
"It's okay, I can't keep avoiding it forever" she said sniffing.
It wasn't really her identity or sexuality. She was just traumatized. It had more to do with her psychological and mental health. This young woman watched her mom get sexually assaulted. She wouldn't feel anything even if Himeros touched her.