Zhu Su was so furious at Yan San since the chief commander acted arbitrarily against his order. So when the princesses put the Bai Lian Jiao members into the dungeon, he also punished Yan San by not letting him participate in important tasks anymore, and Yan San was forced to do nothing and could not show his abilities. Instead, he chose A Nuo to lead the troops - only to look for Wu Qi and Hu Nayin.
"I just want to find them. Only that. Don't take any kind of fighting action, just tell them, that I want to meet with them again without any other purposes." That was how Zhu Su repeatedly warned A Nuo.
"I obey your order!" And soon after, A Nuo and his subordinates spread all over Kaifeng.
After A Nuo went outside, his private room was now completely deserted. Zhu Su did not allow anyone to enter it. He indeed wanted to be alone. He really wanted to be alone, but it had been so hard to get the privacy he was longing for these days. Like the previous days. Zhu Youdun and his sisters insisted on taking her to frenetic parties (Recently Zhu Youdun was very close to her younger sisters) which he disliked, yet he finally attended it since he had no energy to say even a word.
Yes. Zhu Su was not different with a person who had lost almost all of his spirit. And not only his spirit. His physical strength, his intelligence... everything had been sucked away from him.
Nothing remained.
After all, he was a Fan Wang. A ruler who possessed enormous power. Only one level below the emperor, he was like a mini emperor in his enfeoffed area. Everyone was obliged to obey his orders without exception. Everyone was obliged to do whatever he wanted, must not be against him. Yes, he was so powerful that the lives of everyone in Kaifeng were so small in his grasp...
But he did not feel like that.
In fact, he was even more helpless than the weakest person.
As the proof, only now he finally managed to get the privacy he wanted so much.
Yes, what he really wanted was merely privacy! A quiet room, an atmosphere filled with serenity, that was exactly what Zhou Wang wanted. Should not it so difficult for him to get?!... But it was what happened right now.
He used to get everything easily. And he was so proud of his achievements all this time. But now, it was all gone. His research project came to a halt, he had lost his intelligence and willpower to research... he was completely ruined.
Completely ruined.
"You treat us such cruelly just because of a woman!..."
Bai Lian Jiao's accusation was correct. He became like this, all because of a woman.
Did he still deserve to be called a Great Leader if he got messed up just because of a woman?
A woman who had left him nonetheless?
Hence, he wanted to be alone. He wanted to leave everything, which was considered as the greatness of a ruler. Treasure, throne, woman... he wanted to leave it all for a moment, to calm his very tangled mind.
The bright sunlight was suddenly covered by a soufflé of cloudy clouds. Darkness replaced the joyful brightness to dominate the earth. A cold wind suddenly blew. Zhu Su was standing by the window, staring at the scenery reflected from the window. Then looked at the pile of books lying untidily on his desk. One of the books caught his attention, he took that book. And started to flip it through.
It was the notebook he always carried with him when he was doing his first research in Yunnan, at the time when he wrote Xiu Zhen Fang.
The notebook filled with his messy handwritings contained all of various plants he found in Yunnan. Also, various experiences he went through at that time.
"The local government proposes a young girl to become a healer in the medical center. Hu Nayin hasn't even reached 20, but she has a strange talent to do medical diagnosis, as well as to find suitable herbs to cure sick people. Actually, I doubt her abilities, she looks more like a witch doctor without a clear logical basis. But, this strange talent turns to be effective..."
Zhu Su bit his lip. Out of his intention, he had opened the page containing the story of his first meeting with Hu Nayin. This was not what he wanted. All he wanted was to avoid the topic of Hu Nayin... but this was!...
Automatically, his hand moved to another page.
"Hu Nayin told me a lot of plants I never know before. There are many strange plants in Yunnan, even Physician Li doesn't know about them, it's all because of Hu Nayin's help then we can find out their functions and indications."
However, the story that Hu Nayin wrote in his life, was far more than that. Hu Nayin was not an ordinary woman. Although Hu Nayin was beautiful, he did not like her because of her beauty. What her daughters said was true. Lots of women were prettier than Hu Nayin. Lots of women were more graceful than Hu Nayin. The more attractive, sexy, and seductive women were even much more - because Hu Nayin was not attractive, let alone sexy and seductive. No, he did not like Hu Nayin because of that. What made him attracted to Hu Nayin was, her intelligence, her strange talent, and most importantly - her loyalty and sincerity.
So many women were beautiful, graceful, gentle, sexy, seductive, charming... but their sincerity really needed to be questioned. Why did all of them love him? Because he was Fan Wang. If he was not a Fan Wang, would those women still love him? When he had nothing, were all of them still willing to be with him?
Hu Nayin was. And it had been proved twice.
"That is precisely her high quality. She comes to me when I have nothing, and she leaves me when I have everything, isn't that weird? Only she who can do that. All women leave a man when he has nothing and comes to him when he has everything. And Nayin, does the opposite, that is precisely her... high quality..."
His chest ached, like being cut into pieces. He was really unwilling to remember Hu Nayin... but why did he remember her instead? He wanted to forget Hu Nayin, really wanted... he really wanted to throw Hu Nayin out of his life until she disappeared without a trace! Hu Nayin made him happy and sad at the same time. It made his heart feel joyful and happy, and painful and agonizing all at once.
"Want to forget her... but not only remember her, I instead praise her? What the hell am I doing? The reason why I want to calm myself is especially to forget her completely. I don't want to remember that painful thing anymore! I want to go back to my past life. My life without her!..."
But, he told A Nuo to look for her instead?
What actually was he doing? Why was he doing everything that went against his conscious will?
Why did he still hope for Hu Nayin?
Why did he still hope the woman who had betrayed him to come back to him?
Did he not have pride?
If she did not want him anymore, then he should let her go! He must not force her! Forcing her to come back to him, would just prove that he had no pride at all.
Yes, he would not be like the common type of selfish rulers who always enforced their own desires. For him, forcing those who were fed up with him to come back to him was a shameful action. He would let anyone get away from him if they did not want to be with him... he would let them go!
Including Hu Nayin.
But, why did he still hope Hu Nayin to return back?
"Auch! Actually, what's wrong with me?" Zhu Su supported his forehead which was sore because of overthinking. "Why am I like this?"
"Because there are many distinct shards on the cup, right? It is the same as trust. If you break it, even only once, whether you do it on purpose or not, their assumption on you won't be completely the same as before. The trust has been damaged forever, and can't be repaired."
All of a sudden, Gao Qing's words echoed in his ears. So clearly, as if the Teacher was telling him right now, even though it had been months ago.
Zhu Su gasped. Gao Qing seemed to be able to predict what would happen, and he had already given advice long beforehand. Yes, trust was more important than love. If there is no trust, no matter how much love you have for your partner, it will not last. On the other hand. Maybe there is no love, but only with great trust, a relationship can last forever.
And this time. Apparently, he did not trust Hu Nayin?
That was why he could accuse Hu Nayin of betraying him so easily?
"Nayin..." Zhu Su mumbled. "Can I, believe in you?... And, should I?..."
The wind howled even louder. Lightning flashed, before long thundered roared. And, rain fell down drop by drop, wetting the entire earth.