When I was possessing all these feelings that were welling in my heart.
And the pain keeps reminding me that these feelings are real and she has left me and it is not the dream but the reality.
It keeps breaking me and keeps drowning me in the water and during these drownings.
I also started reminiscence all the memories we have shared with each other during the time we were together.
The memories that we shared were reeling in my mind like a black-white film in which all the colors are missing as she has taken away all the colors of my life.
As the film kept reeling on my mind I have a feeling that something was leaving me from my side which was very important to me.
I tried my best to hold onto these memories but they kept releasing from my grip at the faster speed If I tried to hold onto it.
Just like loose sand from a person's hand which becomes the fist.
The more you tried to grasp the sand tightly in your hand the faster, it falls from the person's fist, and no matter what you do to the sand it will keep falling from the fist at a constant rate as it can't be stopped
Or if you tried the stop the sand will strongly grip it will fall more fastly so what you can do is to see it will fall from your hand.
Or you wait and see that it will only stop when all the sands fall from the hand.
And from these memories, I was also trying to find the answers to why these things were happening to me and where I had gone wrong in our relationship so she had to leave me?
But I can't find the clue for any answers to these questions as in the memories she was always smiling at me and that angelic smile was the light in my dark life.
I was in the reminiscence of those happy memories at the same time I was also trying to find my answers to my questions.
Maybe these memories that we spend together will be able to give the answers that I was trying to find now.
But god knows how much time has passed maybe 1 minute or an hour or a day or only a second or even eternity but I can't feel the passing of the time.
I don't know as I was trying to find my answers but there were none, there was only her smile, her small moments where she looked like a fairy who has come to my life to provide me light, her every uff and all those sweet moments were there.
But the answers that I am trying to find so much.
There were none in these memories, so after mulling over god knows how long as I can't feel anything in my body as my body is feeling so empty as only there is only a skeleton that supports my body, and even it can fall at any time with a just a whiff of wind the body will fall down.
I don't know about this feeling but before I fall I thought of trying to call her so that I can get just hear her voice so that can soothe my painful heart.
So I whisk all the strength that I can muster up and decided to call her.
But when I called her only the call was going after but there was no response and only that there was a computerized voice reminding me that she doesn't care about me and I am the only idiot who has been hung upon him. But instead of believing it, I called again and the same computer voice answered me and kept repeating the same thing that:-
"The number you are trying to contact is not answering at this moment, keep in the line or call again later"
I thought she doesn't want to talk to me but for me, that was like a sledgehammer on my head which had been hit with the full force of an elephant.
As the call was made with hope and the answers were the hope to redeem me from the abyss that I was sinking in slowly and slowly.
So I call again and again but there was the same computerized voice thing repeating, again and again.
This computerized voice keeps reminding me that now I am nothing to her. Or Now I don't have any value in her life.
Just like a tissue paper which she has kept near herself till the time, it can be used now that its usefulness has been finished it is thrown from her life.
Just like anything in our life after it's fulfilled its work we throw it away.
Use and Throw
But I was like a chewing gum that has been thrown away but it has been stuck on her and can't be removed easily.
As I still tried to call her again and again.
And with each call seeing her not picking up, it is like a hammer that keeps hammering my heart and head with full force.
And every ring that keeps buzzing and she doesn't pick up the call is just a hammer that keeps hammering and hammering and will doesn't stop till I die.
For me, I can't feel anything now.
Perceiving that she was not picking up the phone I was devastated myself.
As a result, I tried calling her again and again
But the result was the same she never picked up my call.
So I threw the phone away with full force god knows where and sat down on the spot thinking about all the things that are happening now and Why did she doesn't want to pick up the phone.
I don't even know what to do right now.
What to think?
Why were these happening to me?
Can someone tell me?
Why?