WARNING: This chapter includes anxiety and depression. It include Suicidal thought and may need parental advices to those who feel like this kind of situation at home.
I already promised to myself that I will not trust anyone easily again. I been through a lot .. I cannot stand another heartaches again or any broken promises. Promise is a promise it should be done not be turned to pieces. Those promises are made to be broken. Because of lies, i lost my trust.. and trust is the most important matter for me. Everyone don't know how I feel if I had pains, I'm enduring it alone. Maybe, because of this my anxiety and depression get more worst and that's why.. Even how many times and hard I tried I cannot change easily..
PAST FLASHBACK~
" Are you busy?~ Asking to my boyfriend which is busy at his worked maybe?
" Yeah. Im busy now.. why? ~ He asked me.
" I am not okay today.. ~ I told him.. ( This day I was scolded by my boss about my performance that it is not good and maybe he think Im not doing my Job very well, but he didnt even know that all job that supposed to do by my team~ I do it all alone without help because they are not doing their responsibilities as a member too.)
" why? something happened to you??~ Charles pov.
" I am not okay, i am so tired and stressed at work today , BOSS,scolded me again today. I explained ..
"Why not quit in that worked? Rest and we can talked later after my worked..~ He said...
( Yeah, as always.. We are not talking much unlike before.. we are too busy in our works and I don't know but why our relationship get more colder.. I know.. You are change " Charles.. you are not the charles anymore I meet before". I was so mad at you.. The pain that you give to me.. still I enduring it everyday..I still remember the day that your ex sent you message in the middle of night. And asking where are you and want to invite you to eat some snacks in 1:00 am..You lied to me , lied because you told you never talked with her again.. But, I was wrong.. It happen twice.. so, maybe it happens more than that.. Im okay..I will be okay..)
" Yes. Im very tired of everything..I said.. ( I am very tired of everything.. My life, my work, my dreams, my hope, my heart, my body and soul.)..
Laying on my bed ... and looking at the wood at roof..Should I quit?? Should I tie my neck in there by the rope? Should I live? Did I am still worth? or Just like they said before.. Im just useless.~ Degrading myself below .. My tears are fallen and I cannot stop it.. Why it is so hard to live? ..
" Lets talk , later.. ~ He said.
" Can i asked? Charles.. " I want to tie myneck and self in that wood.. ~ And I sent photo to him so he can see..
" SLEEP . You are just tired.. ~ He said..
😢😭 ( Why he cannot understand me?.why he cannot see that I am not okay? He just want me to sleep?😑 Just want to sleep and not just said STOP IT?! .. He dont care to me anymore??? or he still?Why I cannot feel he still loves me or not? Or is it because maybe.. he is still talking with his ex? His Ex.. Ellen~ His firstlove.He even didnt know that I already checking it all? Checking everything about that woman and even talk to her what she want? Why she still keep talking with Charles even she know that this man had already a girlfriend?)
😭😭😭 Sobbing to my room silently.. I don't want mom hear me and my siblings.. I just told to myself.. I am ready to die anytime.. I am not afraid to die.. 😭 I just want a rest and don't want to give up.. My depression and anxiety are attacking me again.. Do I look happy????😭😭😑
My tears are falling again..This memories.. that i still remembered is so pain for me😢 Why everyone is so cruel?~ asking myself.. why.?
*YOU HAVE A MESSAGE in KAKAO*
Notification pop on my phone.. And I tried to check it and see it is from MR. PARK..
" Are you okay?~ He asked ..
" No. Im not okay.. Mr. Park~ I told..
" Why? Something bad happen today?~ Asking me.
" Yeah.. I just remembered something and I cannot help my self not to feel sad.. " I explained.
" Tell me.. IM HERE~ He said.
" Its all about the past.. my work and everything .. Did you experienced had been cheated by someone you love before or lied to you.. ??I asked
" My past.. is my past.. it is not important anymore.. ~ He said.
" I was been like that😌😢.. I told..
" Before, there are too many women likes me.. but since my company got bankcrupt .. they all gone..They just need my money not me. ~ He told..
" They need money.. But Me?? I NEED only Love and attention.😢 I need not to lie to me and cheat.. Just No LIES😢😢~ I told.
"I had girlfriend before.. but when I work at South africa.. When I came back..she got married already.. She didnt wait me.~his pov.
" Im sorry to hear that .. Mr. Park😌 ..
" Its okay.. She is married now and have her own family.. It is true..OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF LOVE.~ he said.
( OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF LOVE~ Because someone can do cheat behind your back when your not around.. I got his point)
" Mr. Park... Are you okay? Im sorry I didn't know.
My pov.
" Yeah.. Im okay now.. But before, you know.. When my company got bankcrupt.. I am hopeless.. I don't know what to do anymore.. I dont know how to start.. . I sold my company including my yatch.. I tried to do suicide because I feel I have nothing at all but 1 of my trusted employee didnt leave me. His loyalty is always with me , hes worried that i will kill myself so he still with me until now ~ He said
"😢 Im sorry. Mr. Park.. To hear that.. I don't know what happen really but I hope you will recover soon.~ I said.
" Yeah.. I recovered.. Slowly.. And now I am working and going to South Africa again after covid.~ He said.
" I didnt tell you too.. but i am trying to do that you tried to do..~ I told.
" Suicide? No!!!STOP IT!~ he said.
" Im tired of everything Mr. Park~ I told..
" Think of your family, your mom, your dad, your brothers and sisters.. ~ He said..
" Yeah, Im thinking about that too😢 But sometimes I think I cannot endure it anymore..~ I told..
" DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN~ he said.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Thank you guys for continuing reading and for my support for my first book❤ .. Chapters will be more and will get more exciting❤❤
You can comment and review my book .. It will helps me a lot to improved it❤