Tae Jun's pov :
The first rays of sunlight lit up the hotel room. The dawn chorus of melodic birdsong drifted in crisp and clear.
This was it.
Today was the big day.
.... Our second last day in Canada
We were performing at Barrymore' s music hall and officially ending our stay here. Our next stop was Mexico.
I rubbed my eyes, sitting up and trying to get a hold of my phone. The screen told me that I got enough sleep for today. It was 7 am and thankfully I wasn't late. Lazily, I dragged my sleep deprived body out of bed. After freshening up I wore a lavender sweat shirt, baige pants and my coat. I headed down stairs for breakfast, feeling the anxiety already kicking in.
"hyung", I called, spotting the two handsome men eating and walked towards them. I took a seat opposite of them, next to our manager.
"u don't look so good", he said.
"rough night?", Jin hyung asked.
"yeah..."
I felt so relieved now that I had told my hyungs everything about my anxiety attacks. I remember miss maple once saying
' how do you plan on resolving the severety of this issue if you are not forth coming about it to the people you trust the most..... Tae... You need them to have your back and you know that'
When I returned to the hotel that day, I told them everything. From how I endured all the pain, all by myself and how the guilt of hiding it had been eating me. A lot of tears were shed that day.
"I'll fetch some food", I told them to which they nooded.
Fixing a plate with some scrabble eggs, a pork sausage and a very yellow banana and some rasbarry yogurt. Getting my caffeine for the day I also grabbed a Sriracha packet for the eggs.
Forcing the food down, we rushed to our next schedule.
Jin Hyung made dad jokes constantly throughout our way to the fan meeting scheduled at bay shore shopping center. We expected a huge crowd but well.. It was even bigger.
Our fans, they never disappoint, and we were really grateful for them.
Getting out of the vehicle, I felt super nauseous hearing the screaming and chanting from what seemed like billion of brain eating zombies.
Thank fully I didn't threw up or faint, or utterly ruined the whole thing. But my head hurt a lot and the worst part was shivering the whole time. This had my autographs messed up. A 12 year old with pig tails and a blue knitted sweater wanted me to sign her favorite book. She was so cute. She reminded me of eunna. But unfortunately my hand wasn't cooperating. It ended up messy but she still loved it.
The event ended in about 5 hours and then we were off to Barrymore's. I took a little nap in the van but was interpreted by Lee Hyun waking me up for food. We had drive thru McDonald's for lunch. It was as delicious and nostalgic as I had remembered it.
We rehearsed for 2 hours before our concert and to say I was exhausted was an understatement. I felt dead.
Even though the busy schedule, I kept thinking about miss maple.
What would she be doing right now? did she had lunch yet? How is her day going??
In the dressing room I took out my phone from my pocket, opened her chat window and then closed my phone and stuffed it inside my pocket for the 18th time. Each time not having the guts to even type a single "Hey".
I missed her.
I missed her desperately.
I missed her smile
I missed her little person
I missed the little faces she'll make when she's flustered or frustrated or happy
'Aahhh damn girl you have me so whipped'
The make up artist went about doing their job on my face and I sat there quiet, even though I had a million things going on my mind.
The costume designer had done an excellent job. I was given a navy blue silk shirt with black leather pants. All of our outfits were coordinated in the same color theme.
"woah Tae-ah, you look so sexy ehhh", Jin Hyung teased me as I cheaked my outfit out in the floor length mirror. Lee Hyun also hooted from behind.
I laughed in response.
8pm**
I switched off my phone, ready to go on stage. Lee Hyun patted my back and Jin hyung gave me an encouraging smile as my panic increased with every passing second.
'don't screw it. She will be watching you. Don't make a fool of yourself in front of her "
I smiled at the thought and relaxed a bit.
" give up a round of applause of these handsome men here... THE SURRRVIVORSS wohooooo", the announcer screamed.
The next two hours went in a blur of loud music, the pounding drumbeat drove the performance, singing, dancing and anxiety.
With the atmosphere and dim lights, I had forgotten how spectacular it all was. Even though it felt like walking on burning coal, my eyes still searched for a familiar face in the gigantic crowd. The one face I wanted to see so badly.
To end the night, I was performing my new single which released two days ago " my lady? " after a duet by Jin hyung and Lee Hyun. Both of their vocals were angelic. 'o beloved' was a love song I wrote recently thinking about miss maple. Today was its first live performance.
As the music started I walked to the front of the stage and at long last I caught a hold of the same angel eyes that had saved my life. There the angel was. Smiling and cheering for me. My heart was pounding so loudly that I couldn't concentrate on the music anymore.
(English translation of Korean lyrics)
You're the reason for my smile.
You're the reason for my humming.
I can't live,
Can't live (without you), my lady.
O moment, don't go anywhere,
If possible, stay here for all life.
In the rain of wishes,
get drenched with me.
Whatever we get, we'll manage in that.
Some joys, some tears,
we'll divide between us.
Because you alone are,
Now you only are,
My life.
My peace, and my pain,
you alone are my love..
How's this relationship of ours,
I don't like the distance of even a moment
Every day, I live for you
All my time is for you..
There shouldn't be a moment of mine without you,
There is your name on my every breath..
Your faith
took care of me
Took all the sorrows from (my) heart
With you my fate is attached,
Getting you, and Nothing is incomplete
We laugh together, we cry together
These simple feelings were everything I had
When will it be?
If I see you again
I will look into your eyes
And say, "I missed you"