Marga's P.O.V
The atmosphere is so audible. Gradually a tone of gentle rhythm moderately set in. One of the reasons why the atmosphere inside of the church wedding is more alive. It resounds inside that we are just about to be surrounded by angels in a comfortable touching to our soul and penetrating heart that feels like a familiar tone even without lyrics.
All eyes were staring, when the bride is walking to the altar, carrying a cluster of white roses and also a cluster of people around in the aisle, our smiles did not flutter on the lips. While she watching the viewers. That sign is pleased with what is happening. That seems like she is the star of the show today. The feeling that they are both the main character of a movie that is finally a happy ending! That is where their love story begins. It will not end.
Almost everyone I looked at was crying. Enjoys for two people center of the special intimate scenery. They didn't cry because they were sad, but they were crying for joy. Even at a glance, it seems like a message is being sent, kind of talking. With such exuberance, the tears of the future spouse will inevitably flow.
And no matter what the distance she walked, in every step closer, the bride and the groom still didn't break their gaze. Seems feared that by the time one of them regains their sight, the crystal tear that is forming on the corner of their eyes will drip.
But still, they only focused, enthralled as if he and she is the only person here where they are both stands as if he and she don't care about anyone around because they are both looking at one. He… He only looked at one thing and pay attention to it. Only her. Only his bride.
The bride looked at her groom as if she doesn't care what is going on in the world. Because they have their world and understand each other. And even though they are not yet speaking, and their eyes are just staring at each other, it seems like they understand. Something like deeper and deeper as if they both have their languages that they only you both get it.
That even in the corner of their brain on what's on their mind, he or they can still read. There are many messages to read about the emotions shown in their eyes. The emotion they feel the same way. The emotion that can hardly be hidden and almost mixes it up in their hearts. Happiness. Pleasure can be seen in their eyes, eager and overflowing with love.
As she continued to approach, dramatize slowly as she walked in the middle of the bloody colored carpet to the end. The room is surrounded by decorations, and scented candles are packed and floating on both sides as if we are inside the kingdom, and her future King is waiting for her.
As for me, as I watch my bride friend, I can't help but be emotional while averting my gaze whenever I see her constantly walking closer to the future King of her life.
My heartbeat will suddenly become stronger as if there's a horse were running and kicking inside my myocardium. I can almost hear the force of its pounding.
But even though I felt this way I still chose to focus my eyes on them at their impending oneness. As my best friend bride approach, they have not yet fully established their presence as if she gradually feels him even though the two haven't touched him yet.
So here it is. He's now in front of her.
He immediately goes to her when she gets close and at the close of her face and eyes, his lips at her forehead smack a bit once more.
I couldn't help but grin as my chest tightened.
'What a sweet gesture, he's so sweet when it comes to her.' that's what I said in my mind right away.
At the same time wrapping her arms around in his arms would be the sign that they were ready to be united.
"Shaina, do you accept this man, like your spouse in hardship and comfort, in sickness and health, for the rest of your life?" the priest said after the long talk to the future couple.
While the two lovers exchanged long sweet messages and promise to each other eventually, the two had finally only one answer that everyone's waited for.
"Yes, Father. I do…"
In straight away, they smiled at each other as tears welled up in their eyes and gradually their faces came closer until their lips finally touched a while as their tears finally ran down in their cheeks. Happiness can be seen every time I look at their response.
Every opening of the lips for their soft sweet whispers is the reason why their lips automatically rise with a smile, can't plaster an inevitable smile. The twinkle of their eye like a star that will never imitate anyone here watching.
"Oh god… Marga! Why are you crying as if you were betrayed? You are not the one who got married so you look like a fool! Poor you, stupid." I whispered sharply to myself.
Afraid that the person next to me might hear.
I immediately looked up to stop my tears from dripping. I'm also afraid that the beautiful make-up on my face may be damaged. I have been crying alone for several days, without anyone knowing. I only fix myself once, so I try. Because tomorrow, I will look simple again. A woman who is plain, unobtrusive, and shy.
I took a deep breath to be overwhelmed by the snug feeling, but I think my heart gets heavier and heavier when I stare at the two of them kissing… passionately.
I heavily sighed. Gradually, my eyes dimmed and blurred with the tears that I thought would end. Maybe it's what they say that whichever is right is what hurts us the most. The longer it lasts, the worse I feel. But how long will I get used to it? How long will this ugly feeling stop me?
I know it's wrong, but to what extent does this feel?
"They look good together, amiga!"
"Agree, see true love for each other. I envy her, it's like a fairytale happy ending." the answer of a woman next to me as I heard them giggled.
I also couldn't help but feel hurt and tearful at what I saw. It was as if I was deafened by the loud applause that I was watching as well. Almost feel my chest beating with the strength of my heartbeat, but even so, I was still able to smile. Smile… a very fake weak smile.
Fighting the pain enfeeble I feel right now, trying to be happy and keep up with people who are happy for their espousal wedding day.
I can almost hear that almost filled their happy whispers with each other here inside the church.
I immediately secretly wiped away my tears as my best friend glanced at me, bursting into tears and looking happy as she looked at me. She is so splendidly magnificent in her pompous stunning wedding dress, for her the most handsome nobleman of varying rank and status like a tycoon in the world because of the reaction I see her. It was as if she had won the jackpot in the lottery and she still had the last laugh.
It seems like a dream come true.
They are right. I can't deny that their pompous wedding is like a fairytale I watch with Disney princesses when the two protagonists end up together. That demanded that most, even young or old like that should have a romantic and beautiful wedding they want. As for me, I admit that I am one of those who dream that I would be too.
Maybe everyone like me, also wants to be a princess? And especially marry the person you want to love. To marry a King of my life.
How I wish… How to wish that I'm the one who got married---no! No… Don't think that way, Marga. Just be happy for them! I sighed.
I was swallowed up by my thought and wiped out the craziness and jealousy imaginable.
I enjoy watching my happy friend as she shows me the palm of her hand wearing a screaming in the luxury of her diamond ring. It almost shone in my sight even though I could only see her in the distance.
She already has it all.
My lips trembled as I nodded to her and weakly smiled at her, signaling that I was happy for her, for them, for him. It is uproarious to watch them both so in love who has both been a big part and also important in my life. With the constant shouting, clapping, vociferate utterly loudly cheering and applause for the newlywed.
'Okay self. I just kept up. Get your shit together self because from now on you have your own life to do! You have no chance! Your illusion is over! Wake up to your stupidity! Wake up!'
I nodded and thumbs-up to my best friend and mouthed her;
'I'm so happy for you'
I still keep smiling and taking a deep breath to reduce the weight of my feelings.
Maybe you are wondering why I feel this way. I was happy for them, but I was sad for myself. It hurts too. Because I love them both, they are now forever together. So I, I'm happy to be hurt for them. Crazy right?
I know it's wrong, wrong because I've liked the groom ever since.
I didn't know that even if I was wrong and I knew I would be hurt then is I continue to hope that maybe… maybe someday I can reach him in a little while. But… there will be nothing more painful here is this.
They are now married.
That my hand is ready to reach him, false hoping and waiting for his hand to apply and take over me and grip it tightly, that what I thought, he also wants to attach me. Yes, that what I'm expecting. But I would not think he wants to hold another hand and not mine.
Funny to think that I was just assuming that maybe there was something special every time he looked at me, talked to me, and make me smile. It seemed like there's something in the way his gaze. And, I guess… Maybe I was wrong. And the truth is I was just imagining. Delusional.
And… maybe I just touched him for swiftly a moment. Maybe, I just held it but just to take him to my best friend. And I was just like a bridge. In the crazy that I thought he will finally hold my hand tightly, but I know, I'm false hoping that he might catch my hand. But eventually, I knew that he wants to hold another hand... and not mine. He wanted the hand of my best friend.
Maybe you all think that I am one of the most stupid women in the world, that even though it hurts, I chose to be happy for them. I just loved, and I knew my love was in the wrong person and opportunity. Wrong time and a wrong place.
That is why I value our friendship more than my interest so I didn't want to become selfish.
I know. I know it's hard for me in this situation. As if I were in a situation of unrequited love, which only marks and leaves me feeling pain, grief, shame, confusion, and turmoil.
I just chose this so I finally decided would rather just turn away than be selfish and let go, turn it down even without them knowing it. This way, at least for a moment, maybe a big slap in my face for me to realize that I no longer have to rely on. I also thought about consequences things were impossible to happen in case I insist on my stupidity.
I also thought something bad could happen to us. Because I don't want to break my friendship with Shaina. Because treasured it. I also don't want to be the reason that she and Klark will break up. I don't like that. So despite how I feel, it overcame my heart that my love for them and be happy for them. I don't want our destiny to get to that point so even if it hurts, I'd rather just harbor the useless madness and jealousy I feel right now.
Even if it hurts, completely ruined my life that breaks my heart into pieces, I just try to let it go. I try to let go of my feelings so that I can move on forever. So that I can move forward. That can turn my attention and love for other people. To the right person… right man. I know it takes time. I'm not in a hurry either because it will come automatically.
My most secretive secret jealousy felt will remain undisclosed. Just to keep us okay and keep us happy.
And at the last wedding ceremony, I took a deep breath, joined in the applause, and smiled big as I watched them happily kissing and nodding to their family and some spectators. And with my smile, in a moment I savored the glimpse of Klark's handsome face that I needed to forget.
It's very challenging and one of my steps to forget about feeling for the groom. That I once loved secretly.
I'm just one of the viewers, an outcast.
Maid of honor.
Simultaneously, clapping, crying, smiling.
This is my role in my life. I was never been a star in a show. I looked at God crucified, I closed my eyes vigorously and silently prayed as I restraining my emotions I feel right now.
'I hope... Someday, I'll the star in a show with the person I love."