***(Kaori)
The night passed in an instant and my legs were already running passionately on the park's jogging path. As my hot breath brushes past my face in this high energy fervour, my mind feels like its being cooled down instead... Something about serotonin? In any case, I had always loved to run since I was young. It was simply the best time of my life. Others may fear it, but I enjoyed it when my thoughts become empty. Just the wind brushing past my body and wiping away my sweat while my muscles move vigorously and freely.
It felt like I was free, more free than anyone in this Utopia. Everyone could have anything they wanted here, almost as if they were all predestined to have what they like without working too hard for it. 'Just pass the final exam and you can live without worries as an adult'. There were no shortage of jobs or money, and prices of products were always fixed. There was no need to put in any effort in anything you do unless you were pursuing a specific skill. That was why the talent pool was a little small but job allocation took care of that.
Back to running. Sports was one of those things that one actually had to put effort into. At the start I felt really breathless and weak in my first few runs. But the feeling of achieving even a little improvement was incredibly euphoric. It was as if my body... No, the world itself was telling me to do it. To continue running until my body crumbles from old age. It felt like I was temporarily liberated from society as I stopped thinking about the obstacles of daily life.
Eating? Sleeping? School work? None of that mattered when I ran. All that mattered was that my legs were constantly moving and that they shouldn't stop. Of course I was now leagues better than my past self, being able to run a few kilometres in a single breath. Myuu couldn't catch up, and after trying a few times she simply gave up. So she now waits outside my house everytime, after I get back from my jog and showered.
Our journey to school was much the same as yesterday's. Was I expecting something different? But nothing happened.
"Hey, what should we do today?" (Myuu)
She asked with a big smile eclipsing the rising sun behind her. Her movements were fluid like a serpent, for some reason she could keep her balance while walking backwards in front of me... Just to talk to me? My heart beat slightly faster as I put thought into it. We've been like this for years, what haven't we tried out yet?...
"I feel like playing at that nearby playground with you."
"In our third year of high school!?!! What are you thinking?! " (Myuu)
Her face was like a dried fish, her jaws lay immobilised as her eyebrows squirmed in fear. She seemed really concern, did she really have this little faith in me?
"... I guess I was feeling nostalgic? Of course the playground equipment would be too small for us. At most we would sit in one place and not move from there while we have a chat."
Though she felt skeptical about it, she didn't really mind and agreed to go there with me anyway. We weren't particularly worried about our image or whatnot here and we changed out of our uniforms already, so there shouldn't be a problem with causing a disturbance in a public space. We were pretty low lying individuals, so I don't think anyone around here would recognise us anyway.
As such, I quickly got down to business on the swings and pushed myself up by propelling against the ground with my legs. My hands gripped onto the chains tightly as I swung higher and higher above. The sensation of the wind grazed my neck and threw my hair as my body felt slightly cooled by the rushing breeze. Though sweat was dripping between my palms, my hands held firmly as the swing continued to move.
"So? When will we start talking? You sure are having a lot of fun for just wanting to find a place to sit. But I can see you're a little afraid of your ride since you're holding to the chains so tightly." (Myuu)
I couldn't resist the urge to give a little pout as her words made a fool out of me. My eyebrows twitched a little as I calmed my heart down and slowed the swing by brushing my legs against the ground for friction. I craned my neck around and see Myuu on a small ride behind me. It was a tiny riding unicorn attached to a large spring at its bottom and it moved front and back rhythmically.
Myuu was simply resting on it so it shifted slowly instead of rapidly. We hadn't been to the playground for many years due to obvious reasons. We might have liked it at some point, but after years passed we simply grew out of it. I just wanted to enjoy it a bit and stopped caring if the passersby saw me. Myuu understood that too, she knew I wouldn't feel shameful anymore and joined in anyway. Since being seen as a weirdo didn't stop me, she wouldn't stop me as well. She did have a little resistance to it, but she quickly got used to her little ride and waited for me to initiate the conversation.
"... Do you feel anything has been weird lately?"
"... Not really? Maybe I've been really happy, but that's because I got to spend time with you and everyone else in the family. You know~ my dad said he was getting a big bonus this year and treated us to this restaurant ahead of time.
I didn't think it was okay to eat there before he received the money, but his smile was so contagious. He feels satisfied giving his family a luxurious meal, so it warmed me up a little too. "(Myuu)
" Hmmm~~~ me too~ I guess I also felt happier lately. "
I couldn't control it and my expression blanked out. My eyelids relaxed into a half closed state and my smile fell down into an expression of indifference. It was as if something was forcing me to be happy, and suddenly it got cut off like a toy's batteries drying up. My words trailed off like a broken walkie-talkie. My brows raised at this deluge of discomfort coursing through my body, but I quickly concealed it as I was fortunately facing away from Myuu.
"... Sorry, I was thinking on what to tell you since there was so much. I guess first of all, mum learned to bake some really tasty muffins, me and dad just gobbled them right up. Then she also bought this new light novel which I liked a lot and had my eye on it for a while. The book was recently having an anime adaptation, so this influx of new things to do was really colouring my time. Then finally, I also found something I really liked... "
For some reason my heart beat faster and my sweat dropped in temperature. My body was already cooled enough, but the shivers travelling down my back made me feel colder. Jeez... Did I have such a maidenly heart before? I turned my head around once more to face Myuu, flashing a bright cheery smile akin to that of a mischievous smile.
"I see... I'm glad you found whatever it was... I want to check out whatever it is... So can I come over tonight and watch whatever it is together with you?" (Myuu)
"Sure!"
She swiftly made her preparations and informed her parents before hand that she would be staying over with me for the night. Her dad had also cried out 'My daughter is going through a rebellious phase?!', but that was a story for another time as her mum subsequently chopped his head. She held a cold smile that had eyes that weren't smiling as she waved cheerily goodbye to her daughter, hoping she would enjoy her time.
Auntie had known about me as we've seen each other quite a lot through grocery shopping, so she was immediately fine with it. According to Myuu, she had a really high impression of me due to my wardrobe choices... I wore a long dress with frills and laces because I felt like it and spoke really formally with her... Maybe that was why...
***
"Uhm.... Maybe it's not for me after all." (Myuu)
Those were her first words after I showed her my favourite anime. My heart instantly sank into the ground like 5000 Mount everests were pushing down on it. It felt like my throat was swelling and expanding, threatening to swallow my entire skull down as I suppressed the urge to preach about the show's food points. No! I can't be disheartened now!
There are many different genres, if she has different taste we simply have to try all of them today! This night is still too young for me to be depressed. Mum brought drinks into my bedroom and quickly left seeing how we were enjoying our time on my bed. We laid comfortably on our bellies as we watched the phone screen play out. I had also planned on showing off my novel collection and games later. Hopefully we don't stay up too late and oversleep. We still had to attend school tomorrow.
The feeling hits me once more and my smile was drained from my expression. Rather than something artificially sapping away my emotions, it was more like they faded away naturally. Like how if a person got bored, their happiness and whatever other irrelevant emotions are not present since they've faded away. It happened lightly yesterday so I didn't feel it, only a minor sense of discomfort affected me during the time I wanted to check the back of the building. But today was way too severe...
It was like something was on the tip of my tongue when I try to put this feeling into words. It was clearly discomfort that my body couldn't adjust to, and the cause of this discomfort... I can feel not only the discomfort itself but the cause of it too. Just that it was too vague for even myself to comprehend this cause.
I don't understand what is happening? Is it a trigger for a repressed memory? I don't remember having any traumatic experiences, but if some kind of stimuli is causing me to act like this, it would make the most sense for it to be trauma. I don't know any other medical conditions or possibilities. Concussion are short lasting so this was likely a longer term effect of trauma, a repressed memory of something disturbing is surfacing, and it's coming in gradual waves so I don't receive a shock. So, am I going to overcome it?
"Kaori.... Kaori? Are you okay?" (Myuu)
Looking over to my right, I see a cute little concerned face. Her large eyes staring intently into mine in pure concern as she paused what we were watching.
"... I think I'm just tired. Let's go to sleep. "
"Okay." (Myuu)
As my eyes shut tight, I strain my mind. I feel like each time it happens, I'm gradually getting closer and closer to finding the cause. It was frightening... It felt like if I truly learned what it was, something would happen that I wouldn't be able to change back... Something irreversible and threatening like that...
If it was truly something like that, I wouldn't want to find out. Though whatever could do such a thing must be something really horrible.
***(?)
... This, this is not normal at all. What's happening? I can barely make out what's going on in the present, so the past is even more buried. Right now, I'm barely hanging on. Is this due to the law of magical girls? Knowledge related to me is flowing from the world archive, dubbed as the mythical akashic records. I highly doubt the world archive is as wonderful as the usual legends and myths say. For something this powerful to exist, I can't imagine how much blood has been shed for it.
At least I know... That they're safe. But if I regained my awareness... I immediately close my eyes and pretended to be asleep, as well as making sure my breathing was normal for a sleeping person. What would you call this? A 6th sense? Not the one referring to magical particle perception nor the one that detects the unknown. It's the one that exists as accurate intuition, a lucky guess so to say. It must have been the abundance of past experience, that my other sensory nerves had picked up when there would be trouble, rather than my normal sensory nerves.
It felt like someone was staring intently at me, piercing deep into my soul and halting my thoughts in its tracks with a quick scare. Tch, they can detect deviation in the people they brainwashed this quick? Just what kind of system is this... I can't do anything about it today, but I guess I'll make some preparations.