Chereads / Magia fidelis / Chapter 64 - 64 - what did I want?

Chapter 64 - 64 - what did I want?

*

Through everything I've experienced, what did I truly gain? The most noticeable reward I've acquired was the safety of me and my friends. But did I gain something else? Something I didn't want? Every night, I can't help but feel something was wrong with this world. It was not that the world itself did anything wrong, but that this was the wrong world I was suppose to live in.

Thinking about it a lot didn't particularly yield any results. It was simple to chalk it up to how surreal the current situation was. A disaster had culled most of humanity. Naturally this helped with the global warming situation by a large margin. With most of humanity not around to produce carbon dioxide, the quality of the air became more natural and clean. But it was clear. Something else lurked under the very ground we stood on.

What caused The Great Disaster in the first place? Everyone saw giant black spikes impaling buildings and tossing entire streets. It obliterated society, with every structure physical or social destroyed. Family members were lost, resources were destroyed. The easiest way for humanity to recover was for someone to take power and govern it. By organising everyone's collective efforts, it would be much more efficient than countless villages being created.

That's where the god magical girls came in. Nobody had knowledge of such unfathomable beings before, and now they did. Things that defy common sense entered our daily lives one after the other, there was no telling what kind of impact that had on the human mind. As a person who could still think rationally, I only try to ignore it. I ignore the fact that I could have gone my whole life not knowing about magic. I ignore the fact that the existence of magic has been kept a secret for an absurdly long time.

Perhaps the depths of magic would carry a hint as to what cause The Great Disaster. I'm sure that not only myself, but nearly everyone thought of that. It was unnatural, it was not something that has ever been witnessed before in history. It was clearly magic. In other words, created phenomena involving the use of magical particles as fuel and translation.

The usual dim lights of the labyrinth fill my view from my apartment window. It was a tiny apartment with a bedroom, kitchen and toilet. It was tiny compared to my previous home, but since I was living alone I was quite comfortable. I know I've gotten comfortable because I began to wear less and less clothes when I'm alone at home. Of course it's not the kind that can be seen. A shirt and an underwear, it wasn't too hot and it covered my stomach properly so it wouldn't get too cold either. It was the perfect attire for sleeping. Also nobody would be able to tell as they can't see below my shirt from the window.

"Have they told you yet?" (Myuu)

"Yeah. It's part of my job after all"

".... If you need help, you should call me okay? You've experienced quite a few battles of your own, but a fight with a magical girl will always be dangerous. Especially them." (Myuu)

I had been informed earlier by my superiors. When it came down to it, even magical girls needed a chain of command to keep things organised. There was not much, but I was at the lowest level so there were still superiors or seniors to listen to. Our intelligence department had indicated that a war was coming a while ago. Maybe about a month ago, on the first day of the job.

***

"... Captain! Captain! Did you hear?..." (?)

She had tan brown hair with 2 portions that curved over the top like vents. They were called hair intakes and they curved over air from the middle to join back at the side of the hair. She wore a black suit that complemented her black rimmed rectangular pair of glasses. At her side, she held a clipboard under her arm with paper haphazardly crammed under the pin, as if it was a prop from a comedy show.

"What?! Can't you see I was doing a debrief?!" (Captain, Klaster)

The captain was a senior magical girl that had been here before The Great Disaster. Apparently there were many seniors before us, we just didn't notice they existed. But just like monsters that appeared more and more after the disaster, more people awakened into magical girls to fight them off. They used to be a secretive existence like mythological creatures that hide in secret.

Well, whether those creatures existed was up for debate. Whether they existed naturally, or were artificially created by magic was another widely discussed topic. As the magical girls that awakened after the disaster overwhelmingly outnumbered the ones before by magnitudes, there was too little manpower particularly into development department. There was not enough older magic girls to teach the new ones and bring them in under their leadership.

"Hq wanted to send out this message as fast as possible. The Grundo alliance is making their move, we need to be ready." (Messenger)

"...." (Captain Klaster)

The captain wore a dark forest green sweater and long jeans. She had a well defined silhouette that she could be proud off. She had light grey hair tied up into a pony tail, which complemented her crimson-red rimmed sunglasses. She wore a heavy grimace as she received that small bit of info. Even if anyone could have expected it, it was still a task to swallow.

Not anyone could just accept that their country will become the target of 2 world superpowers. At least that was what it felt like. Just like that, 2 major factions had cornered and conquered a slightly smaller faction, they annihilated the Gangrea monarchy that governed the europic region. Naturally their next step was to conquer another faction that they surround, the sanctuary of the Eye God.

Even if the Eye God held unfathomable power, anyone could understand the hopelessness of the situation. With 2 major factions as enemies, there would be 2 god magical girls against 1. With the Gangrea monarchy as an example, their highest ruling position, the Immortal king had been defeated. It was beyond human comprehension, what a battle between these beings could look like. But the people of the sanctuary at least planned to resist to the end.

The highly competent empire of the Illnoia Administration and the war specialised Grundo alliance. They were both terrifying opponents in their own right, each being powerful enough to cause trouble to the Sanctuary alone. That was why even if not a surprise, no one could truly accept the reality that their home is doomed to destruction.

Even if the majority of the magical girl population is made up of low grade magical girls with 1 or 2 skills, there are many mid grade and high grade magical girls among the ranks of the Grundo alliance. The Illnoains has magic technology and research that matched us. The Sactuarian magical girls had been outmatched in every way.

Finishing off the Gangrea monarchy in the first 2 months, the Illnoia Administration has prepared for 10 months so far.

"Alright, I'll take action as fast as possible. I leave it to you to send back the reply. " (Captain, Klaster)

"If you don't, you will die anyway." (Messenger)

"I'll find a way to avoid that, for now leav me to it and go back on your way." (Captain, Klaster)

***

11 months ago, That was how long since the Gangrea monarchy fell and when we can assume they started preparations to attack us. It was a pain. The Illnoia Administration come from the North and the Grundo alliance come from the West Side. Having all the continents joined up meant that the fastest route to invasion was by land, and we're surrounded at that. There hasn't been news from the Gangrea monarchy for 11 months,so it's safe to assume their territory is a desolate wasteland, their resources plundered.

Even if these people were fighting for resources, for the survival of their own citizens, I wouldn't accept sacrificing my own faction for that. There were roughly 9k of us on the outer perimeter and 10k in the center where most of civilisation has developed. It was odd to start rebuilding in the middle of land instead of the sea, but it acted as a hub which information is relayed to, and transportation didn't become a problem due to magical girls being able to cross kilometres in a second.

"Everyone is well aware of the problem, what I came to tell you was even more important. The timing. They've started to move..." (Myuu)

"... Have we tried bombardment?"

"Of course... The Grundo alliance guys are with them in a mix unit from both factions. They saw ahead and mixed some who were capable of air defense in every unit..." (Myuu)

"... Well, I've got nothing. I'm just a border guard, not much different from when we were kidnapped to be honest. It felt weird to realise that, but thinking so much wouldn't acconplish anything. "

'.. You've just never thought long enough...' (Myuu) She whispers under her breath, murmuring a little.

" What was that? Sorry, I didn't catch that. "

" I said you don't think long enough!!! What?! Did you think you would get sympathy points every damn time? We're all trying our best to survive here! Not just you!

Of course we can't blame you for making mistakes! But that doesn't mean you can just give up! "(Myuu)

".... Myuu, I'm literally not in charge of the war... That's a job for the arc maidens, they are the S-grades governing each of the 8 labyrinths...

We're just ordinary magical girls, weren't you there at the fight with Frena? You saw the difference in power... All our second skills were completely useless... I had to use the anti-magic in my body, which was a leftover from another S-grade's attack... "

".... You killed that other S-grades... Can't you do it again? "(Myuu)

"Myuu, You're being impatient. The one I killed had her guard completely down, so her defense was weak at the time. It was an arrogance one could only see from S-grades... The fact that her body was only augmented on the outside and not the inside...

Let's just go back, my shift is over and I would like to rest up. "

A concerned look never left her face. It was like a puppy's yet it seemed entirely unique to her. She looked restless, as if she had seen something I didn't. I gave up quite a long while ago, when I felt hopelessness for the first time. I can't bear to feel such things again, I can't bear to feel much more scary things anymore.

When The Great Disaster first started, I was distracted by the chaos and destruction of everything around me. I didn't really have much time to think then, except for 'I want to live'. Was that so wrong? That after everything was gone, I assumed I had nothing left to lose. Even though I had made a new friend in Kyou, it couldn't mend the loss of everything else. So it was easily discarded, if I was to choose between my friendship and my survival. Everything I had now, I could easily abandon if it allowed me to live.

I think I could understand myself a bit more now. I form new connections with people not expecting much, and not wanting to take much. I never wanted to feel the pain of losing my connections again, since that time in middle school. I was afraid of human connection, yet I craved it as I started a conversation with Myuu. I became too greedy, and now I'm stuck between myself, my own values overturned and in a disarray.

What is it that I want? That was easy, I want to survive. But how? And did I want anything else? I've only spent a month with Kyou and the others, I spent more time at work than at the communal lodgings so my bond with my coworkers were far stronger. But now I've spent an entire year with Myuu. I would technically be a third year by now as the last time I went to school was a month before becoming a second year.

I have to admit it. I became attached to Myuu, and now I fear my relationship with her would be severed. Do I go forward and go further with her?Have a tiny sliver of hope and tranquility in this situation. Or stay stagnant and keep the status quo? Maintaining what little that we have until the war starts. And finally, cut her off and run away to live in another faction. There were many people and magical girls who broke off from the Sanctuary to form their own small countries and factions, they can act as a buffer as they live outside our borders. It was cruel, but it bought me what little time I could afford.

In the end, was there no way to win? To defeat this unfairness in the world, and remove their threat forever. I was only one person, there were many more like me or better than me. What could I even do alone to change a war?

"Have you heard of Sticks?" (Kanou)

Her familiar light grey hair and short bangs fluttered as if she came from the sky and landed here. She had probably used her skill which let her jump any amount of distance and through any obstacles in an instant. It was a jump and not teleport as she still used her stamina even if it was done in an instant. Her familiar forest green hood and cloak covered her body as she appeared nearby, we had just arrived back in the labyrinth using a teleport crystal.

"A 'Stick' ?... No the teacher hasn't taught us anything about that. But I think I could guess."

"Good that was what I expected, to tell you the truth, the wars were caused by this one 'Stick'" (Kanou)