Reaction, by Lupin Lois
"My legs are bent
in an ease flexion
waiting for the moment
of an explosive reaction.
My hands held closed,
my arms hanging straight,
waiting for the instant
when swinging is stiffened.
How I love the moment
my body is on its toes
'nd my senses fully alert.
When the ball bounces
and my jump precedes
any mental decisions."
-``I don't know if it is normal, but I feel so overwhelmed by my own emotions, I can't control myself. I am always ready to burst.'' - Those warm hazelnut eyes I was getting so used to greeted me with satire without the usual blue ceramic frames.
-``You worry too much, you were probably just spoiled.'' - I punched his hairy forearm and looked deep into his eyes. He looked kind of hansom, with his apologetic child imitation. His wide eyes peeked over his full cheek hills. Mostly he just looked humane and warm and all I needed to feel.
When we entered the gym the sun was still shining, shyly greeting us one long last time before the darkness swallowed the skies over our heads. It was the only building apart from the main building and the dormitories, at least as far as I had gone so far of course... There is always the possibility that space unfolds in unsuspected ways around here. At the end of the long pink granite tile trail that bent to the right in front of the main building and continued framing the football-pitch-size grass field, ending on a square fortress of tall brick walls. High up near the roof long thin crates let the light in as the windows of a castle wall. Again it looked to be three storeys high. The walls were intermittently cut on the top where the roof was revealed periodically as it breached throughout the lows, popping out with pointy dark ornaments. It looked like a fortress that was made welcoming with the Zen style of the main building. At the same time this imposing figure that is affirmed within the wood limited grass field was carefully homey and resistant.
The entrance was on the side, where a big black wooden door filled of dark metal twists and turns meet a black wood step over the salmon stones path. As the automatic door sensed the incoming students it opened slowly with a heavy pulling sound.
-``Surely the same decorator.'' - ``Akita'' laughed in response and looked as anxious as I felt.
-``Let us make this fun. Do you know the who-is-who game?'' - He didn't even pause for an answer. -``Let's bet on the families. What family would you put the red head in?''
-``How should I know? It's not like she provides much feedback.'' - Our laugh released some tension, as it echoed through the hall. There were three doors in this small hall, on the left the male symbol hanged on a black wood door and on the right the female symbol.
-``Guess it was hard to choose'' - I pointed still laughing -`` See you''
And I left through the opening right door. There were lockers and benches as in any changing room I have known. It was nice to see something natural for a change. Ha! For a "change". OK, I am alone and laughing at my own bad jokes, this is getting really mental. I laughed again, but this time a cheerful sound left my thought sounding through out the acoustical room. The sound filled up the space, revealing the enormous room size. It seems it was not as natural as I had taken it for. I never liked architecture and nowadays I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the grandiosity of this white and black school. It is supposed to be a college and as such, home to an incredible number of students from all over, but still. Did they really need to buy an extra-large fortress to get us in sweat pants? Did they need the lockers to be made of dark metal and the framing of the large sinks mirror in heavy black wood? Did they need chandeliers in a changing room? Or such high ceilings? It just sounded stone solid and static for all time. Could they be trying to give us the warm security of everlasting continuity, for we are few and endangered species? It wasn't working. I could only feel small and insignificant and scared of the big bad world. I am used to being insignificant and unseen, but not to be lost and without any control over my existence.
The long thin windows that touched the ceiling were not nearly enough to light up the wide open space, maybe during the day they would be. Though there were marks on the floor dividing the court in many useful activities, the space was empty expect for long benches that lied along the long wall and black wood back rest that filled the right wall. I sited alone and waited. I don't know of which I hated most, the alone or the waiting part. I wasn't able to wait anymore, to fill my time with casuistic thought and not engage in terrible sensations or ideas. And being alone, the waiting was unbearable. I started feeling light headed and dizzy and zooming in and out of focus. I could hear some voices in the distance and felt something, my body wasn't steady anymore. I wasn't even hanging or lying I was too absent-minded to make anything out of any of my senses.
I was laughing. I was laughing so hard my abdomen hurt. The sun was shining on my face, sea breeze of salt and sea plants sprayed softly, and the fresh waves greeted my feet. He held my hand and I felt like I belonged there. ``Akita'' looked at me from behind his blue glasses and smiled that chubby baby smile that wrinkled his hairy cheeks. He looked lovely and endearing as he pulled me close and passed his soft fingers through my face, drawing all my features slowly. I felt the blood flow lightly, thought I fell inside my favorite moving picture. He smelled like sand and sea water, he felt warm and steady and he tasted salty when his lips touched mine. Time slowed and the moment endured until I felt my breast pounding and my breath lost, as forgotten in a distant and uninteresting place. He pulled back to measure my reaction, he scanned my every inch and unraveling my approval he smiled at me. As his eyes melt in mine, I felt his chest recoil, my weight hit my legs as though they didn't expect me to touch down, as though they didn't expect to be needed. I closed my eyes to fill my lungs with this moment, I wanted to flavor it in all its dimensions, in all its intensity, through all my senses.
I opened my eyes when the stiff smell of alcohol burned my nostrils. The light hurt my eyes and my impulse of reaching with my hands in front of my face and stand was stopped by strong forces that held me tight against a smooth plane surface on my back. I didn't recognize the white coat standing in front of me, nor the slim hands on my shoulders pulling me down, nor the room for that mater...
Where am I? What happened? Who are you? What am I doing here? What is going on?" - he just smiled and looked amazed.-"I don't mean to be rude now, but I strongly suggest you tell me something. I get nervous easily and it can be dangerous."
-``Don't we all now? You're in the infirmary, everything is OK, but what is the last thing you remember?''
-``I don't know? I was going to have gym class today... and I was on the beach, I think... it was rather bizarre...''
-``Yes, I know what you mean, the professor can have that effect on you. Anything else?''
-``When you say the infirmary, did I do anything wrong?'' - he let go of my shoulders and smiled apologetically.
-``No, you were just unconscious in the gym.''
-``So I am still in the... the''
-``Tacyturnos Noctis College? Yes and it is quite alright, I am a therianthrope too, this is not a breach of security'' - now he was just messing with me, but he seemed nice.
-``Sorry, I am a bite disoriented and this doesn't look like any part of the college I have seen so far.''
-``Fortunately. You don't want to be spending much time here either''- he smiled - ``it's just not a good sign.''
-``Are you the nurse?'' - He looked displeased.
-``No, haven't you read the introductory material? I am your trainer, and when I say your I mean the pack's trainer. And as incredible as it might seem to you, that is because I have been trained in wolfmen anatomy and health, which means I am also the most qualified physician in the premises.'' - He winked with a full conquering smile.
-``Ow, ok.''
-``So, is it normal that I am edgy and fainting all the time, since my... you know, my development?''
-``Not really, I mean... Our species is known for its bad temper, but what do you mean by edgy?'' -
He moved back and around a big desk that was behind him. Then he sat behind it on a tall green chair. The sun entered through a big window along the litter side, there were black wood bookshelves filling both walls at my feet and on the opposite side.
-``Your name please? I should check your medical history?''
-``You have access to it?''
-``Yes, of course. We wouldn't want to miss treat you, now would we?''
...
-``Hum, interesting? It says here your mother is human? ''- his nose wrinkled.
-``Yes, why? Is that bad? Is there another trainer in that case?''
-``No, it's just that, if it is hard to treat rare species, hybrids are even rarer. It's harder to know what to expect and how to treat you. That is all.'' - He was so defensive.
-``Is there anything wrong with having human parents? Shouldn't that be usual, I mean, if there are so many shouldn't it be the most probable combination?''
-``You would think so, wouldn't you? But I'm afraid that it's not that simple. Even among therianthrope you don't have much mixing. And you know, we are so different, it just doesn't happen so often. I am not even sure how your mother stands your father... should be hard to deal with a wolf without any claws.'' - His apologetic expression switched to amazement. I could picture him putting me under an amplifying glass.
-``You are quite unique, you are. You should have a full workout and a huge pile of examinations to be on the safe side. Also, to prepare a baseline for any later issues. Even if nothing is wrong with you, we will need some reference sooner or later.'' - He skimmed through a pile of papers choosing... deciding... considering.
-``So tell me, can we meet after class?''
-``I have history of the metamorphosis, but I would gladly join you.''
-``No. I will wait. until you have no classes. I will not be the reason why you miss on any subject, even if it is history.'' - Liked him better already, though I preferred the excuse to miss this class.
-``If you are feeling ok, I would like you to get back to our class and start.'' - A parental look escaped between his cheek and forehead bones. He was a nice looking man, provably in his forties. Hair filled his cheeks up until near his eyes, but he was with a constant smile since the beginning when I tried to kick him loose until he opened the door and showed me the way.
-``Let them know I will be there in a moment will you?''
-``Yes Sir.''
-``Please, I just looked through your most intimate records, the least you can do is call me Claws.''
-``Yes professor Claws.''
-``Just trainer, you are not in high school anymore, in a few years we can be colleagues, call me Claws.''
-``Yes.''
-``I want to hear it!''
-``Yes, Claws.''
-``See? Not so bad is it? Now transform back please before you go and don't forget to tell them I will be right back.''
I didn't realize I was metamorphosed. I breathed slowly, and walked even slower to get my nerves under control and to get my pink hands back in sight... as I followed the corridor, it had a glass window of the size of the wall on the right, that showed a swimming pool where hundreds of students swam and jumped in and out of the water drawing rainbows like colorful dolphins. The swimming pool wasn't there, last I saw the gym. I opened the door at the end and saw that I was back at the same gymnasium in the other end. Surprising was that there was a wall in my back where the swimming pool should end and I had the whole gymnasium ahead. It was twice the size of what I thought? Wau, it sure felt smaller from the outside; then again... no it didn't.