My phone buzzed from within the couch, I fished it out to find a message from Makoto. "Is everyone free this weekend? We could hang out."
Shou replied, "Sure. We haven't hung out properly in so long now, I miss you guys!"
Makoto asked me if I was coming, and of course I agreed. Dread overcame me the moment I said 'yes', what's wrong with me?
They suggested we go to the coffee place where Tomoko and I meet for our dates, oh no. The plan was made before I could even voice an objection, and even if I did, what reason could I have to justify it? I texted Tomoko, cancelling tomorrow's date.
"Hi Tomoko, can we cancel our date on Saturday?"
"Sure, why?"
"I have something on with my friends, sorry."
"No need to apologize, and hey, good job for socializing and going out there. It's good for you!"
"Ok, thanks, and sorry again."
I stared at the sign, reading it over and over again as I stood outside the door like a weirdo. Everyone that walked past stared at me awkwardly. They were already inside waiting, and luckily they sat by the pillar, so they couldn't see me. I read the sign again. I narrated the menu. I'm stalling, why? I took a deep breath, and entered.
"Hi Takashi, you're a minute late.", Makoto criticized.
"Sorry."
I stared at the ground for a couple seconds to avoid eye contact, but my friends started to laugh.
"Lol, we're just kidding!"
"O-oh.", I fished my phone out from my pocket, but then Shou robbed it away.
"We're here to hang out, not to play games."
We ordered lunch, and I ate in blissful silence. Makoto and Shou were always closer with each other, chatting non-stop with zero effort, while I struggled to even utter a word out. I had the urge to leave, seeing clearly that they do not require me to be here.
"That ramen was good. Thanks for introducing us to this place, Takashi.", Shou patted me on the back.
"Ok, now what do we do?" Shou asked.
"Let's go to the park, walk around and catch up." Makoto replied.
"Ok, cool."
I walked behind them, staring down at my feet while they chatted whole-heartedly in front. It seems I was right, I was not needed here. If I took a U-turn and walked back home, how long would it take for them to notice?
"Takashi, look! Isn't this the soccer field where we met for the first time?"
"Re-really? I guess so."
"Yeah!", Shou agreed. "I remember, we were playing then we asked you to join us, and now here we are."
"Yeah. İt's nice."
Crack. My senses tingled, someone was following us. I turned around, no one was there. I can swear i sound a voice or something?
"Hello? It's our childhood memory! İsn't it cool?" Makoto asked.
"Yeah."
"Oh my god, unbelievable!"
"Makoto! Keep it together!", Shou tried his best to calm his friend down to no avail.
"Hello? Is there a person in there?", He waved at me aggressively, "Where's my friend Takashi, have you seen him?"
"I'm here."
"Are you? You have barely said anything since you've arrived, and in fact, you stood outside the coffee shop for a full minute before entering, yeah, we saw. You've been like this for months! What's happening to you? It's like- It's like I'm talking to a different person! It's like i'm not talking to a friend anymore."
"I'm sorry."
"That's not what we want to hear, we want to know what happened to you. And what was the reason that caused you to change! We're not going to be satisfied until you give us a proper answer!"
"Yeah, open up to us man, we're here for you."
I took a deep breath, and then another. The emotions were overflowing, and these two had no idea what was about to hit them, "S-sorry I'm not a level grandmaster at socializing! But it doesn't matter, does it? Both of you can talk to each other for an hour while eating ramen without me even saying anything! I mean, why am I even here? Am I even your friend anymore? Or do you secretly hate me like everyone else! Huh!"
"If you are going to act like a piece of shit, i swear i wi-"
Makoto stopped when he saw my face. My face was all red, I was crying, shaking and gritting my teeth..
I screamed with all of my power:
"SCREW OFF!"
I ran away before they could even provide an answer. Being with them even for another second would be pure torture. The road ahead was blurry and hazy from the tears flowing as my mind helpfully played out the consequences of my speech.
"Makoto, what was that? You said 'slow and steady'!", Shou complained.
'It's infuriating, I can't take it anymore, And what was he on about? Why does he even have those thoughts?"
"I don't know, but it seems bad. He cried, he never cried in front of us before! Things are getting serious."
"I know, and we probably scared him off for good. What now?"
"I don't know.", Shou pinched his forehead and collapsed on the bench.