I had many dreams that have come true not how I thought it would be. Since 9 years old my dad took me to gnostic classes. It is teachings to find knowledge in your subconsciousness. He believed in enlightenment, the third eye, chakras, out of body experiences and reincarnation. He believed we are on earth many times to reach our ultimate goal of finding knowledge and getting out of the reincarnation loop. He believed in christianity but he didn't believe in the church. He talked all the time about not being on earth long and he didn't want any crosses or the sign of the cross on top of his lifeless body. He believed in the divine Mary. At the end of the class we do a protective circle and we meditate with our eyes closed. It is an out of body experience or enlightenment that you want to reach. I believed in it and I started having real dreams of flying. I prayed to the divine Mary for someone that wasn't Miguel, Francois or Luke.
When my sister wanted me to meet Francois, I was more open and willing to talk to guys. I was 18 and started rebelling. Rebelling in secret. I was changing, I was more mature and met 2 guys.
The Lebanese guy that was so obsessed with me and he wanted to give me a gold ring on the 5th day after she met him.
"Hi is your name Isabelle? Mohamed said. "Yes, I said. "Isabelle Rodriguez?" He continued. "Yes" I said. He was stuck to me like glue every time he saw me. He was asking me questions. Where do you come from? "I am from Managua" I said. By the end of the class. He new I had a sister and brother and my whole life. I didn't ask him anything. Then I found him really weird with promising me a ring. I said "no, my dad would kill me. I can't date."
He was cute, tall, dark hair, kind eyes and I just ran away from him because he didn't come see me for a whole week. One day, he found my bag in the library and put a letter in my bag. He explained that he had a family emergency and couldn't come to school and he added his phone number. I called him 2 days later and we talked for a long time. That was the first time I didn't think about Miguel. We talked while he was at work. He told me more about himself and it was fun. That night I had a dream about Miguel seeing Mohamed with me, then fighting for me, was it just in my head or did they argued over me in a subconscious level.
The next day I saw him at the library and Miguel said "hi "to me. I said "Hi" back. During gym class, I hurt myself and when I came back to the gym and tided my shoes there was a foot to my right. I wanted to see who it was and look at their face. I followed his foot up, and accidentally saw his crotch and slowly continued to look at his face. It was Miguel. I started to breathe faster but I didn't want him to notice and I realized we were staring for too long. He wouldn't take his eyes off of me. With one look from him he gave me shivers down my spine and I was weak in the knees. He finally walked up to me and I saw his smirk. I could sense he read me like a book and I had to break my look so I managed to get up and play with the others. Everywhere I went, he was there smirking and reading my every move. We were in a flirting staring contest. My heart kept wanting to talk to him but how. My mind kept telling me that I would be in so much trouble with my dad. If his family mentions that I tried talking to him, my dad would kick me out of the house.
The other boy that won my attention was in math class. I was his partner in math class. When I was young I would get the attention from different guys. I saw a guy that looked cute. He was my height, meaning short, white guy with blue eyes. He talked to me and I saw that he was himself, laid back, quiet. I helped him in math and I told him, I would help him. He was shy and didn't talk much. Ray was a tall and dark coloured guy, cute but he was always talking about having sex with girls in his car and showing other guys how to place a girl in a car. Ray came up to me and he asked me to help him too and Luke and I stared at each-other, "I am helping him" I said. Luke ended up dropping out of school a few days later because he went to work with his dad in a construction job. I was obsessed with Luke already and I asked his buddy if he had his telephone number. He gave me Luke's phone number and I normally wouldn't do this but my dad was never at home and I was left to my own Demise. I talked to him a couple of times by phone and I asked him questions and I was doing most of the talking.
He really liked talking to me and I thought I was going to go on a date and I kept telling him that I could go by bus and see him at his house. Finally, he said "sure, come over". I didn't know what to expect and yes, I was a virgin. My parents were not exactly couple relationship models to me and my sister. So I found a way to his house by bus. I said hi and he showed me around his town house in a few seconds. He asked me if I wanted pie. I accepted and ate pie with him. He didn't talk much but I felt comfortable because I was shy too. He showed me upstairs and in his room there was a queen bed , radio and TV. He then put Eminem music and it was the first time I heard that rap song. He rapped for me and I said " What is STD?" I start laughing every time I remember this.
I was so innocent. I'm pretty sure he knew right then that I was a virgin. He grabbed my waist and pulled me very close to him and we sat on his bed to watch TV. He was shy and tried to get closer to me. He then took my waist and sat me on his lap. I felt so uncomfortable and I kept getting up and he kept sitting me on his lap.
I really didn't know where this was going but I wanted to know. I liked him but he didn't give me butterflies in my stomach, it was more for experimenting. He was too quiet. He started kissing me and for the first time I learned how to French kiss. He took my shirt off. I was very quiet and shy myself that it was almost boring and now he tells me. "I can make you feel good" and he reached into my pants. I said "no thank you". I didn't feel like it and he didn't even want to go out, it wasn't romantic at all for me.
He put my hand inside his pants and he had to tell me what to do because I had no idea what to do. He asked me if I knew what a blow job was and I told him. "I don't do that". I was just bored and then we went downstairs and he told me I acted like a 12 year old, making it more obvious what kind of guy he was. At least he didn't push me to do things but it was a turn off and a hard pass from that point.
Luke kept telling me to call him at 8 pm and of course like an innocent girl, I kept calling him and he never picked up and he never called me.
I still kept calling until his mom told me not to call again and she hung up.
I called one more time to apologize and I told her that I will never call again.
Like an obsessed little girl I stopped myself from calling him again by marking the days without talking to him. Four weeks after he called me while I was having dinner with my family. I told him "There is no Maria living here. " then I regretted it and told him "I am Isabelle , I was joking. " He said "My mom told me what happened and that you weren't going to call ever again." I was going to give him a chance and I tried to go to my room to talk but my dad told me to sit and eat. I told him that I would call him but I decided not to call him anymore. That was the end of Luke for me. I didn't even feel anything for him.