I was right. Super Dick flew directly back to his headquarters under Belle Tower. You don't need to be omnipotent like me to know what Super Dick's next move is going to be. When the big guy is confused, which is a lot, he seeks out the sage advice of his imp. And speaking of the little guy, what a break that was, getting zapped by Doctor Divine's shrink ray. I wonder if Super Dick feels guilty about what happened? I doubt his ordered from Wish.com brain can even process guilt.
"Dude," Super Dick shouted the moment he exited the elevator. "You won't believe what Doctor Divine just told me!"
"I know," Microchip replied while mindlessly pecking at his keyboard, eyes glued to the three screens before him.
"What do you mean?"
"I heard it over the intercoms."
"I didn't call you, though."
"I updated our communications. No need to press a button. We're always connected. All you have to do is speak and I will hear you."
"So while I was talking to my arch nemesis, you were updating my ear piece?"
"Yep."
"What if I forget and you end up hearing me getting it on with a lady friend?"
"Tapping it turns it off now, and don't forget. Please."
"What are you working on?" Super Dick sidled up next to the genius midget and folded his arms across his chest. His head tilted, deep in thought as his neanderthal brain tried to decipher what the screens held.
What are you doing, imp. Oh, I see. So within your character.
"I've hacked into UNCLE SAM's satellites. I've tasked them, along with ours, to locate and track Doctor Divine."
"That's crazy! You can't hack UNCLE SAM!"
"I can hack anything…you know that."
"I know. I just meant they might get mad at us."
"Since when do you care who you piss off?"
"You're right, I don't care. So how many satellites are tracking him?"
"One hundred and eighty seven are looking for him."
"The guy drove off in a Rolls Royce. You can't find him with all those satellites?"
"He's obviously using very advanced evasion technology."
"Well you need to find this psycho. You know as well as I do he isn't some kind of born again Muslim, or whatever they call it."
"You're correct, Super Dick," another voice replied.
Super Dick quickly turned around and found an older gentleman standing before him. Our main character glowed his eyes green, ready to sever the stranger in half.
"Who the hell are you," Super Dick asked. His green eyes pulsed.
"My name is Director Hush."
Meet Director Ivan Hush. This universe's answer to Samuel L. Jackson's Fury…except Hush is white, and blind in both eyes. He thinks the word fuck is disgusting and he hates pulp in his orange juice.
"I'm the leader of UNCLE SAM," Director Hush said.
"Uh huh, how in the hell did you get in here," Super Dick asked.
"I'm a teleporter," Hush answered.
Microchip scoffed, "a teleporter. Don't you people have to see where it is you're going before you jump to it?"
"That is true. But in my case, when I lost my eyes, I found myself able to see a lot more than I ever could, therefore I can jump to more places than I knew possible."
Super Dick pulled back the green energy ready to explode from his eyes. The light vanished, and so did his trepidation for the elderly Director Hush.
"Are you here because of the satellites," Microchip asked.
"No…well yes and no. We will be needing those back forthwith."
"You have an amazing mustache," Super Dick told him. "That's a Tom Sellick mustache."
"Thank you," Director Hush replied with a slight grin. "Now, to the heart of the reason for my being here. Your suspicions about him are not without merit, Super Dick."
"Layman's, director?" Microchip said. "I know what you're saying, but he may not."
"I know what he meant," Super Dick snapped. "He means he has some kind of evidence!"
"We have circumstantial evidence."
Super Dick sighed then asked, "what does that mean?"
"Evidence providing only a basis for inference about the fact in dispute."
Oh boy, Super Dick has that deer in the headlights look.
"We have evidence that may suggest Doctor Divine is up to his old ways, but the evidence we have doesn't prove anything illegal or evil."
"So, what circumstantial evidence do you have," Super Dick asked.
"The satellites," Director Hush said.
Microchip spun around to his keyboard, pecked a single key, then turned back around to the conversation.
"There," the little guy replied.
Director Hush started. "You two already know about this company of his that he bought off the money we paid him for his tech, Eco Redesign."
"That was stupid, by the way," Super Dick told him.
"It was a planned operation. Doing business with the man allowed access to avenues UNCLE SAM never would have had otherwise. It's what led to us placing a mole in his company. She's been sending us steady information for years, and then it stopped suddenly, just last week."
"Yeah, that does sound circumstantial," Super Dick added, rubbing the tip of his chin with his index finger and thumb.
Please stop talking, Super Dick. Your face looks dumb enough, no need to add to it.
"You think she's burned," Microchip asked.
"We can only assume. However, the mole we placed inside is one of our Hannah clones. We know she hasn't been killed because the moment that happens her knowledge synchronizes with the rest of her family."
"Forgive me, director," Microchip said. "Why not just have your clones always connected, always sharing their knowledge?"
"When we started the clone program it was my intention to ensure that each clone remained as much an individual as possible. I didn't want to lose that individual's knowledge base when they die however, which is why assimilation occurs at the moment of death."
"Yeah, but the other way would solve your problem right now."
"Chill, little buddy," Super Dick told Microchip. "Not everyone is into that Borg, hive mind stuff like you are."
Director Hush continued. "What interests UNCLE SAM is the very last thing Agent Hannah sent us. Microchip? Will you input these coordinates?" Hush handed Microchip a small, scrap piece of paper."
"Paper?" Super Dick said, surprised.
"This is what was left for us at the drop point."
Microchip spun around and typed in the numbers. The screens turned to topographical maps of California. The displays then repositioned and zoomed in until it landed on the precise location of the coordinates he entered.
"That's Cinder Forest," Microchip said, confused.
"We believe something is occurring at that site, and soon. And perhaps our Agent Hannah is being held there, as well."
"Something is happening there," Super Dick replied. "Divine is going to terraform Cinder Forest."
"Something else has to be happening at that site, Super Dick," Microchip said. "Agent Hannah wouldn't have made her last drop this set of numbers if there wasn't something significant attached to the meaning."
Super Dick asked, "okay…what do you need me to do, director?"
"Well, before your partner hijacked billions of dollars' worth of United States owned satellites, we detected several odd energy signatures beneath the surface of Cinder Forest."
"Their terraforming equipment," Super Dick asked.
Director Hush answered, "not if their terraforming tech uses dark matter."
"Dark matter," Microchip barked.
Director Hush replied simply, "dark matter."
"What in the hell could that psychopath be doing with dark matter," Microchip asked, already knowing the answer…no one knows.
No one…except for me, that is.
"Well," Super Dick said. "How are we doing this?"
Director Hush replied, "Cloud City has a local Eco Redesign office located fifteen miles away from Cinder Forest. You're sneaking in."
"We're talking about Doctor Divine," Microchip added. "Super Dick can't just use his powers. You know he has sensors for that."
"Don't worry, we've already thought of that. Super Dick, I'm given to understand you delivered pizza once upon a time."
If this were a TV show, this is where the hard scene change would occur…from the lair of the greatest superhero in the world to the Cloud City office of Eco Redesign, and our main character in a Jimmy's Pizza Joint uniform delivering a stack of pies to the front end.
The thick glasses resting crooked on his nose hid his typical smugness quite well, actually. The black and white pin striped t-shirt didn't do him any favors, except for the purpose it was intended, hide who he really was. The name tag pinned to his atrocious shirt read Donnie.
Super Dick approached the front desk of a beautiful ginger female. The green eyed beauty greeted the delivery boy with a smile and head tilt.
"Oh, what is this," she asked in her usual high pitched way.
"Delivery for a Roderick Lindell," Super Dick replied.
She tilted her head the other way then said, "I'm sorry, but I don't know the name. Are you sure he works here?"
"I have the address and office number right here." Super Dick flicked a small piece of paper in front of her face then stuffed it back in his pants pocket.
"Let me make a call, first," she said. Super Dick nearly panicked but he remained calm and in character.
"Look miss, I've been in trouble before with Jimmy about deliveries not being on time. Before I left, the big guy told me this was my last chance to prove to him I deserve a job."
"It's just that I've never heard of a Roderick Lindell working with us."
"This place is huge. How could you possibly know every name?"
"Let me ask you a question, Donnie. Do you see a computer at my desk? Or a phone for that matter?"
"Uh, no. What does that have to do with this?"
"You asked me how I could possibly know the name of every person that works here. I'm a brainiac, a living computer." The ginger tapped her head with a finger then added, "it's all up here…this buildings computer system, its phone system, security system, everything. This building is wireless because of me. Since you first said his name, I have searched the files a hundred and twenty three times. That person, whomever he is, does not work here."
"Brainiac? Wow. I haven't come across one of those yet."
Microchip's voice came through the earpiece. "Oh shit."
"I have alerted security, Super Dick. The glasses disguise only works in comic books."
Ohhhh, I really like this red headed vixen.
"It's a trap, Super Dick," Microchip told him.
Six androids decloaked and aimed their exotic energy weapons at our main character.
Super Dick smiled at the ginger brainiac and said, "this is embarrassing. My useless sidekick was supposed to hack your systems and create Roderick Lindell."
"I know," she replied with a smile. "I allowed him to think he succeeded."
"Any chance you could direct me to Doctor Divine's top secret evil location?"
The androids opened fire. Beams of exotic energy colored in reds, oranges, and purples, tore off Super Dick's clothes revealing his super suit underneath. The energy beams also ripped into the attractive brainiac. The pulverizing heat of the lasers melted the skin right off her bones.
Super Dick used his super speed and weaved in between the energy beams. He punched one android in the chest, the next in the head…he was moving so fast he had delivered a blow to each one before the first android could explode.
"I told you this wasn't going to work."
"No one knew he had a freaking brainiac working for him," Microchip hissed.
The lights inside the building turned off.
"What now," Super Dick said, annoyed.
Simultaneously, security shutters released and covered every window and entrance all across the building. Super Dick rushed to the door he had just came through and slammed a fist into the security shutter, but the material took the force like it was nothing. Super Dick was about to hit it again when the glow of a red light illuminating a nearby corridor caught his attention.
Super Dick floated just above the floor to avoid any potential traps, all the way to the very end, to the one door that wasn't shuttered. He opened the door and was met with more darkness.
Super Dick glowed his eyes green to cast a light across the small room. The area was completely empty, but across the way were elevator doors. Our protagonist walked in, pressed the one and only button on the panel, and took a ride deep into the Earth.
"Super…ick," Microchip said. "The …ark ener…"
"Little buddy, can you hear me? Microchip? Damn…looks like I'm on my own this time."
The elevator ride lasted five minutes. By the time it reached its destination, Super Dick was 2,277 feet below the surface, and just outside Doctor Divine's secret lair.
The elevator doors opened and Super Dick walked out. He was inside a natural cavern as wide as a football field. Stalagmites and stalactites were all over, but oddly, a long red carpet laid underfoot and extended as far as he could see.
"Welcome, Super Dick," Doctor Divine's voice echoed from somewhere in the void.
"Divine, come on out and let's have a talk."
"You want to know the truth, Super Dick?"
"Uh, yeah…I made that pretty clear at the institute."
"Follow the red carpet. You will find the truth."
And Super Dick did follow the red carpet, all the way to the end, and still, there was nothing but a vast cavern all around. I know you can't tell, but I'm smiling because of what's about to happen. You'll see.
Super Dick flung his arms in frustration. "Okay, Divine! I walked all the way to the end of your stupid carpet. What now, you psycho?"
"Don't move, this will may hurt a little."
A blue tinted stasis field formed a box around Super Dick. The floor beneath his feet opened in several areas and four mechanical tentacles emerged to grab a leg and arm. Our hero broke free of the tentacles rather easily. He punched the stasis field and an explosion blew back, rocking Super Dick into the stasis field panel behind him.
Oh look, his nose is bleeding.
The stasis field moved inward until Super Dick didn't have room to lift one finger. The feedback blast hurt him good, he couldn't imagine what it would feel like with no room what so ever to absorb the impact.
"I told you it might hurt," Doctor Divine said, his voice still being projected throughout the cavern. "This next part will certainly be painful. Feel free to scream, no one will hear you."
Millions of tendrils formed from the blue tinted stasis field, wiggling and alive, each one attached themselves to Super Dick and burrowed deep into his skin.
"Your blood will the key to your destruction," Doctor Divine said.
Listen to the greatest superhero in the world scream out in pain. It gives me goosebumps.