It almost felt like an eternity. A few years ago, when I just wished for an older sibling, I wanted to know what it felt like, to be adored, and also to be guided by someone who is someone you respect, and yet, at the same time, you can treat as your friend.
I wonder if this was what it would feel like. Right in front of me, Sakura was just lying down on her bed, with her face in the opposite direction of where I stood. I wanted her to listen to me, but she just wouldn't look me in the eye.
How could I possibly let her know that even for me, it was hard to look her in the eye? But I need to talk to her. I don't want to be shunned by her. even if it may not look like it, there are still some bitter feelings for me towards my own self with how things have spiraled down with Yuki-nee.
I never wished to be in the position I am in right now, I don't think anyone would. Pushing away the people closest to you, just in order to keep them safe, and yet they don't fully fade away. So it's a never-ending saga between you and those certain people, it's hard. It is like a cliche film. People think that you're just cold and don't value others, and you're doing all this to get their pathetic "5 seconds of attention".
But only a seldom few know what it is like. It's not easy to be in my shoes. It's not easy for me by any means necessary. It wasn't and that will not change. When another human is involved in any way necessary, there will always be emotions involved. And I'm the worst match for those emotions. Especially when that emotion is love.
Love is a strange, complicated and yet the purest, finest, and dare I say, the finest form of human emotions. It can never be quantified nor can be held under any boundaries. And that's something I don't think I can comprehend in this lifetime. It's as simple as that.
I also get hurt, though I don't feel it as much as others, I still do get hurt. There are always bitter feelings. And right now, I don't want to have those feelings with this person, the person lying down on the bed, right in front of me.
I sat down beside the bed and waited for her to reply to me. The silence lasted for a few moments, but I was prepared to wait for however long it would take for her to hear me out.
"How long are you planning to stay there?"
"As long as it takes."
"You're just wasting your time."
"There's nothing else for me to do."
"Don't you have to worry start worrying about your future? Like University, your course of choice, cram school, and stuff? You'll regret it if you don't choose the right path."
"As things stand right now, I don't think I'll have to worry about those kinds of stuff."
"What do you mean by that?"
There was some seriousness in her voice.
"Nothing. I'll leave it at that. I wouldn't want to involve you in anything dangerous further on. It's something I must address myself."
"It's always like that! Even then...and now. You always keep everything to yourself and ruin yourself. Why can't you just share it with someone you can trust!"
She turned her face towards my direction, and unintentionally, our faces were very close to each other. There was little breathing space. She suddenly turned around and went back to how she was before.
"See, you've known me for all this while, and yet you can't see me in the eye. So, how am I supposed to share my troubles with anyone?"
"That and this are entirely different!"
"Stop acting like a little kid for once and face me!"
I crept over the bed and tried to pull her and look her in the eye, but she kept nagging around and pushed me away. But I refused to give up, and somehow, for a moment, I was able to get her attention.
The moment she looked at me, she blushed. This was the first time that something like this had happened. Was there something on my face?
No, wait! That's what a dense anime main protagonist does. I ain't one. But this situation, it's quite peculiar to the ones seen in anime. It's too far-fetched to consider that Sakura loves me or that sort. But maybe, just maybe, she's starting to harbor feelings for me. It's not something I could just throw out of the window, but I have to be careful with this line of thought.
She stopped moving around and looked me in the eye now. And for a moment, this situation reminded me of Hina. I suddenly let go of her, and she turned away.
"I knew it. You still have guilt. That means you didn't like what you did back then. There's no way you could have."
She muttered something along those lines.
"So, does that comfort you?"
"A little."
"That's good."
"Hey, Nao."
Sakura suddenly pulled my hand gently.
"Were you serious?"
I was lost. What was she referring to?
"About what? There is a lot of stuff that's entering my head, and I can't pinpoint what you're referring to."
"I mean...About that...you know..."
I held her hand and looked at her.
"Tell me what it is?"
"Well, I know you might think something's wrong with me, especially after how I have acted towards you all this time, and to suddenly ask something like this, it would make you think that I'm crazy, all of a sudden. That's why it's hard for....it's hard for me to outright ask you this."
She sat upright while holding her knees close to her body, and at the same time, she still held my hand.
I was curious as to what she was going on about.
"What I wanted to ask you was..."
WERE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT MARRYING ME?